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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Husband is always trying to dump his daughter on me

140 replies

Missboo1 · 13/08/2021 14:11

This is just a bit of a rant and I feel like I need pointers on how to tackle this or how to deal with my feelings.

My husband has a 12 year old DD and together we have an almost 2 year old and I'm 33 weeks pregnant.

We're having some work done on our house and staying elsewhere and husband has taken it upon himself to spend weekends "supervising" this work blah blah.

He's always been like this we've been married four years, and he will literally do anything to get off one to one time with his daughter, or so it feels. So this weekend I asked him to make arrangements for his daughter to go to a cousins/his mums/anyone but me and he agreed, but he has just text to say they'll be landing after work so I KNOW that his daughter is dumped on me tomorrow.

I just get fed up - it's so hard keeping a toddler and a moody rude pre teen entertained and he always pulls a fast one like this on me. He knows I'm not going to kick up a fuss in front of her and refuse to have her, and he has such a canny way of making me feel guilty. Some weekends I just want to mind my own son though and do something alone with him not be used as free child care. Ugh.

OP posts:

funinthesun19 · 14/08/2021 12:12

Ok boss

No problem.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 14/08/2021 12:16

I've just seen your other threads.

He's a violent alcoholic who just last year put your ten month old baby in danger.

Who you've had to call the police about 'numerous' times.

These poor kids.

nevergoesaway · 14/08/2021 12:45

@funinthesun19

However, it may be useful so the OP doesn’t lumber any more children with a violent alcoholic father.

Then you say,
“I really advise you not to have any more children with him. Focus on moving on and getting away from him permanently.”

Much more constructive and helpful.

I agree @funinthesun19 with your latest posts, it’s extremely hurtful, not to mention utterly pointless, to go on about the fact that the op has already had her precious children.

aSofaNearYou · 14/08/2021 13:48

I agree @funinthesun19 with your latest posts, it’s extremely hurtful, not to mention utterly pointless, to go on about the fact that the op has already had her precious children.

Not to mention whilst using terminology like "breeding", which is just never going to be a useful way to refer to someone's children.

converseandjeans · 14/08/2021 13:57

He sounds like a rubbish Dad - I've no idea why you decided to have children with him when you already knew he was flaky.

However YANBU that you don't want to cover for him when he should be spending time with his DD. He is avoiding all his children by the sounds of things.

I imagine in real life people will say the same to you.

converseandjeans · 14/08/2021 14:02

My husband's drinking has always been a problem - whenever he goes out he drinks too much and then comes home and is verbally abusive and aggressive. There have been two occasions where I've had to call the police and Ive kicked him out numerous times.

I don't usually search old threads but honestly he doesn't sound like a great father. I'm even more baffled now as to how you could go on to have a second child with him.

nevergoesaway · 14/08/2021 15:23

@aSofaNearYou

I agree @funinthesun19 with your latest posts, it’s extremely hurtful, not to mention utterly pointless, to go on about the fact that the op has already had her precious children.

Not to mention whilst using terminology like "breeding", which is just never going to be a useful way to refer to someone's children.

Yes exactly, I hate that term ‘breeding’, when the children are already born, it’s just a way to have a dig at somebody and it’s hurtful.

Isthisit22 · 17/08/2021 21:59

@GetTaeFuck

So you had DC with him knowing he’s a shit Dad? These threads fucking baffle me.

Same!

NowEvenBetter · 18/08/2021 10:38

Ah well. Just keep putting up with being treated as the house servant then, maybe have a load more kids for him to ignore, and serve him dinner on demand. Sounds like hell, but ‘live in hope’ 😄

MoreAloneTime · 18/08/2021 10:48

It would be one thing if your Ex was a reasonable person just looking out for all the children's best interests but it's obvious he's going to take the piss. I'd have some strong boundaries because you know he's going to go at them with a sledgehammer.

It might not be fair on the DSC, they might feel rejected but that's on him for his CF expectations from you.

NowEvenBetter · 18/08/2021 11:53

Whose ex? OP is married to this deadbeat and chose to bring more kids into it, for the deadbeat to ignore and palm off along with his daughter from a broken home.

MzHz · 18/08/2021 11:57

How is berating the op for kids that have been borne into this situation going to help?

I could recite a long list of the errors I’ve made in relationships and in life but it’ll only depress me and inject a hopeless inertia into my life, so let’s support her, show her the positive things ahead and give her the strength and encouragement she needs to try to move forward.

Hindsight has 20/20 vision and a horrible habit of saying “told ya so”.

MoreAloneTime · 18/08/2021 12:20

@NowEvenBetter

Whose ex? OP is married to this deadbeat and chose to bring more kids into it, for the deadbeat to ignore and palm off along with his daughter from a broken home.

Oops wrong thread

mummytotwoboys0600 · 21/08/2021 20:50

I absolutely understand where you're coming from. My partner has two children with his ex. I have one child with my ex and we have one child together who is a baby.
My partner occasionally asks if I mind helping, I've said I can't sometimes if I have plans or if I want to make plans but other times it's fine.
I most certainly wouldn't want it assumed of me. They are not my children nor my responsibility. They have two parents.
As for your step daughter, I would perhaps start saying you've got plans and you can't have her, or let him know your plans have to change if you need to help out with her.
I don't understand why some people are of the opinion that they should be treated like your own kids. They aren't our children, they have both a mum and a dad - it shouldn't mean you automatically become childcare You chose to be with their dad. He just needs to take more responsibility and understand your being put out. Good luck.

mummytotwoboys0600 · 22/08/2021 07:38

@NowEvenBetter

There's no need to belittle the OP. If you have no constructive advice, I suggest you don't comment.

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