Step childs hobby

[GreatBigJiggly]

My step child does a hobby on a Saturday morning, one that parents are allowed to go and watch.

My husband (and occasionally SC) will always ask me to go and I feel there is an expectation that I'll want to almost. I am getting really fed up of it. I realise how mean that sounds but I'm just not interested. I'm happy to talk about it when they come home and be supportive in that sense but I'm done with spending an hour in the drizzle every Saturday morning especially as that now means I have to bring our child along too.

AIBU to make my excuses now and hope the expectation of me going fizzles out?

SC is 9 fwiw.

Just say no thanks, I've got other plans, have a great time.

Your DH probably wants you there to keep him company while he stands in the drizzle.

They'll soon get into the swing of your routine. Just because they're doing something doesn't mean that you have to do it too.

I don’t think it’s fair to drag your own child along to watch every weekend. A non blended family wouldn’t do that, the other parent would probably take the youngest DC to their own activity.

Not unreasonable. Your child must be quite young and if you're looking after them it is not like you get a chance to watch SC anyway.

My parents never stuck around to watch me do my hobbies unless it was a performance, and I'm sure they enjoyed the break after working all week! Nor does current DP hover whilst his DC do their clubs. It is their thing and actually I think good for them to start having a life of their own.

Allowed doesn't mean obliged and your DH maybe needs to wise up a bit that even a lot of parents don't want to watch kids sports etc EVERY weekend.

I don’t feel obliged with my own children!

I just say… “I’ll come every other weekend and then on the other I need to catch up on jobs” (but then actually do the heck what you want!)

Dh and I wouldn't ever both go to our children's regular activities, we also go our best to make sure ds1 and ds2 don't have to be dragged to each other's. We would only all go if it's a special match/performance etc. Your DH is being ridiculous!

@lunar1

Dh and I wouldn't ever both go to our children's regular activities, we also go our best to make sure ds1 and ds2 don't have to be dragged to each other's. We would only all go if it's a special match/performance etc. Your DH is being ridiculous!

I think it’s nice he’s asking, not ridiculous

We always used to split the hobbies between us - only both went if it was significant matches or concerts.

And very rarely dragged the other child along, unless a final or a concert, as they have no interest in each other's hobbies.

Nope, not unreasonable at all for you to not be interested. Just tell him you have other plans.

I don’t think it would hurt to go occasionally. It’s nice that’s DSC wants you to come along. Maybe compromise and say you will come on sunny weeks?

@FawnFrenchieMum

I don’t think it would hurt to go occasionally. It’s nice that’s DSC wants you to come along. Maybe compromise and say you will come on sunny weeks?

What if she wants to do something more fun on the rare sunny days?

Not unreasonable at all OP, it's a silly expectation of you and certainly of a younger child. You should feel free to just go to big events.

YANBU. My DC do similar activities. My exh and I divide and conquer. We have never both attended and stood around for hour/ 90 mins. I actually use the time to shoot to the gym that is conveniently nearby, so I don’t even stay.

Your DH is nice to ask, but ridiculous if he expects you to want to go.

I think it's nice that the SC want you to be involved and your DH is trying to involve you in their lives, but YANBU for not wanting to go. If it was your own child, I doubt it would be a full family outing to go and watch said child every week

Of course YANBU.
Why should you and your child have to spend the morning doing something you don’t want to do when you could be doing something you actually want to do?!
Manage his expectations now and tell him thanks but no thanks.

Can you agree with him that you will go once a month? Shows your interested but without the pressure to go weekly

Can you agree with him that you will go once a month? Shows your interested but without the pressure to go weekly

Maybe she's just not interested though? And that's ok.

Nice of him to ask but no, no obligation to go. Maybe tell him you're not interested in going and you'll let him know if you change your mind.

@Sirzy

Can you agree with him that you will go once a month? Shows your interested but without the pressure to go weekly

Why should she? If it's football and she's got zero interest then it will just be a waste of her time.

Sorry, I'd love to but I need to do 'insert anything' maybe turn up the occasional week when it's sunny and pleasant to show willing

YANBU I don't even go to my own child's Saturday morning hobby. That's what dads were invented for.

Just say no that you would rather stay at home

The SC bit is irrelevant I reckon. You don't want to go to a kid's hobby then you don't want to go. Active DH likes to get the kids (our kids) interested in things I have no desire at all to go stand and watch.
DH will say excitedly, "Do you wanna come watch them play football?" And I'll just laugh with a huge "Aw baby, fuck no! Go, have a nice time!"

I think it would be nice to go every once in a while - the stepchild is asking you to be there so they must feel close to you which is lovely. It’s not necessary to go every time though. I don’t mind ballet and swimming but I draw the line and standing in a muddy field in the horizontal rain trying to figure out which muddy child running up and down belongs to me.

I do go to football practice though - just certainly not every session!

Assumedly, they are politely inviting you; you can politely decline when you have other plans or simply no desire to attend.

An invitation is not a demand.

Could you just go every so often (every 6 weeks say?); enough to show support but that’s not actually too much