Step childs hobby

[GreatBigJiggly]

My step child does a hobby on a Saturday morning, one that parents are allowed to go and watch.

My husband (and occasionally SC) will always ask me to go and I feel there is an expectation that I'll want to almost. I am getting really fed up of it. I realise how mean that sounds but I'm just not interested. I'm happy to talk about it when they come home and be supportive in that sense but I'm done with spending an hour in the drizzle every Saturday morning especially as that now means I have to bring our child along too.

AIBU to make my excuses now and hope the expectation of me going fizzles out?

SC is 9 fwiw.

My DH does far more of the hobby activities with DS1 (his step son) than I do

@MzHz

Look at the thread love before you start with the step mum is a bitch schtick…

MOST of the together parents here take turns or don’t go see their own child…. I didn’t have that choice cos I was on my own, I’ve done hours, DAYS leaning into wind and rain on touch lines

I’m not sure if that was aimed at me, but I didn’t say she was a bitch, nor do I think I warranted your v defensive response

Taking turns is fine, but she’s not. So that’s an irrelevant point.
Not going at all is fine too.

Having a child in your house who is trying to involve you in their life and you aren’t that interested, when that child can see you are interested in your biological child is damaging. Whatever the reasons about your own fulfilment, your actual obligations logistically since they have other parents or whatever else other people have said here; It’s not the kid’s fault theyre in that position and I can only imagine living in a house with someone getting fed up with you (in an unequal amount to other people in the house), isn’t ideal for your self esteem.

I completely understand how hard it is to be a step parent, and some people are ‘hands off’ and some people are ‘hands on’
I just always think (where permitting) that hands on, even if harder for you, is going to create much more well rounded happy loved children.
But that’s my opinion and I’m v clear that lots of people on mn disagree.

Having a child in your house who is trying to involve you in their life and you aren’t that interested, when that child can see you are interested in your biological child is damaging. Whatever the reasons about your own fulfilment, your actual obligations logistically since they have other parents or whatever else other people have said here; It’s not the kid’s fault theyre in that position and I can only imagine living in a house with someone getting fed up with you (in an unequal amount to other people in the house), isn’t ideal for your self esteem.

This only really even needs to pose an issue if the younger child does the exact same hobby, which at the moment they sound far too young to do. Otherwise the disinterest could easily be attributed to the actual hobby in question.

I've been there at the dance demos and shows, and farted about with hair ribbons and what have you for DSD.
But but but but but...
I'm not her mother and I have my own child to be there for so if anyone is getting the week in week out commitment from me, it's him. For which I will not apologise to anyone.
Personally I think its far healthier in the long run for kids to understand their relationships to others, rather than expect adults in their immediate orbit to treat them exactly like their own child.

Having a child in your house who is trying to involve you in their life and you aren’t that interested, when that child can see you are interested in your biological child is damaging.

As a general point, you might well be right. But I really don't think this extends to watching a hobby every week – as a number of posters have said, they don't do that for their own DC if they have no interest in the hobby and/or have other DCs.

Having a child in your house who is trying to involve you in their life and you aren’t that interested, when that child can see you are interested in your biological child is damaging. Whatever the reasons about your own fulfilment, your actual obligations logistically since they have other parents or whatever else other people have said here; It’s not the kid’s fault theyre in that position and I can only imagine living in a house with someone getting fed up with you (in an unequal amount to other people in the house), isn’t ideal for your self esteem.

This is where I struggle to understand though. I have 2 SCs and I would agree with you if they lived here full-time and I was the only mother-figure in their lives. To blatantly favour my own biological child while refusing to attend anything for my SCs under those circumstances would be wrong and I absolutely understand why SCs would be upset.

However, when they have two loving parents who attend these hobbies with them, I genuinely don't think a child would be damaged by their SP going along to their own child's hobbies but not theirs. If this were me and it was questioned, I would explain that just like their mum and dad go to watch them, I go to watch my child.

I'd understand if it was the shared parent who never went to watch them but watched their younger children from their new relationship, but when it's the SP there is a totally reasonable explanation that most children would easily understand as they know who their own mums and dads are.

My DC has two parents who have chosen for them to do this boring activity, they support it, they attend regularly. They don't need me doing as well especially when I'm not going to be able to fake enthusiasm.

I used to take my ds to his activities every weekend and oh dd wanted to come once, but that was enough for her so she didn’t come again, I was absolutely fine with that, I wouldn’t have forced her and her dad was perfectly happy to spend the time just them 1-2-1.

Yes, I also think it’s good for children to spend 1-2-1 time with a parent, rather than always having a sibling or the other parent/step-parent there. Even if it’s just in the car on the way to and from an activity. I’ve had some of the most insightful conversations with my children when I’m alone in the car with them or their sibling is out with Dad.