Step childs hobby

[GreatBigJiggly]

My step child does a hobby on a Saturday morning, one that parents are allowed to go and watch.

My husband (and occasionally SC) will always ask me to go and I feel there is an expectation that I'll want to almost. I am getting really fed up of it. I realise how mean that sounds but I'm just not interested. I'm happy to talk about it when they come home and be supportive in that sense but I'm done with spending an hour in the drizzle every Saturday morning especially as that now means I have to bring our child along too.

AIBU to make my excuses now and hope the expectation of me going fizzles out?

SC is 9 fwiw.

I think it’s nice too that SC wants you to. But you shouldn’t be expected to go, especially not every week or drag the other DC along.

If I was you I would probably either, offer to take them instead of DH and leave other DC with them, but make it clear it’s a one off, or I would go occasionally, when the weather was nice and take DC along but maybe not stay for all of it If it’s long and they were bored.

I go to watch one of the DSC play football, usually my DC also plays, so we all go anwyay. However if my DC is away for example I’ll usually still go, but only because I want to and not every time as I sometimes have other plans then.

My other DSC does some hobbies I don’t go to, they aren’t anything I’m interested in, aren’t very long, and there’s nothing to really ‘watch’. If they were insistent I’d maybe go as a one off; but on my terms on a day it suited just to show willing.

I don’t think it should be an expectation though, and only go if it works for you and around your plans and DC.

I would book something for your child on a Saturday morning for a while to reset the dynamic.

It's also nice for OP to get some time at the weekend without DP and SC around.

@Wjevtvha

Could you just go every so often (every 6 weeks say?); enough to show support but that’s not actually too much

But why? If OP isn't interested and asks questions when they are back what's the point of her wasting her time.

Fucking hell, it’s not much of a stretch to go and watch a child something they enjoy do every now and then. Some of the responses on here are surprising.

You don’t need to go every week but every now and again - month or two - to be supportive to a member of your family who wants you there would be nice.

Would it be absolutely out of the question to go once every 2 months maybe? I just think life is about compromise sometimes, and expecting you to go every week is totally unfair, every month seems too much as well, but once every 8 weeks- would that be that awful?

I don’t know, maybe I’m being unrealistic and you shouldn’t ever go if you don’t want to.

@Abouttimemum

Fucking hell, it’s not much of a stretch to go and watch a child something they enjoy do every now and then. Some of the responses on here are surprising.

You don’t need to go every week but every now and again - month or two - to be supportive to a member of your family who wants you there would be nice.

The child has parents who can go and watch, if OP really can't stand the thought of going and watching someone have a lovely time while they stand there getting cold then that's fine.

Oh god no, I can barely drag myself out to my own kid's activities, let alone somebody else's. I will go on the rare occasion but my DP knows generally I won't.

Are there "big" matches or really important days, rather than just training sessions that you could go to the "big" days to support the kids. That might be once a year (if it's on a dry morning). But there's no need for you both to be on the sidelines every Saturday and certainly no need to drag smaller kids along - that would just be miserable for them in the rain.

My parents used to drag us all along to my eldest brothers hobby and those days are some of my most boring memories. Make plans with your own child.

Your Dh is asking you to go because he gets bored waiting.

YANBU

Fucking hell, it’s not much of a stretch to go and watch a child something they enjoy do every now and then. Some of the responses on here are surprising

Why are they surprising? Were you expecting a load of posters to come along and tell the op how awful she is? Op is clearly not being unreasonable. The child’s father attends every week as he should be, and the op will go when it suits her. Maybe it never will, but it doesn’t matter.

No way. When DSS had a standing in the drizzle on a weekend morning DH would take him and I’d have a nice morning with DSD. If I hadn’t wanted to keep her at home DH would have taken her to do something else.

It was over by the time we had DD but no way would I have taken her along.

No one is doing you a favour by inviting you, least of all if there’s an expectation. No one child in a family unit should be trying to dictate what the adults do. No parent of more than one child should be regularly inconveniencing the other children for the sake of just one of them.

Say no, stick to your guns, don’t respond to emotional blackmail.

I don’t think she’s being emotionally blackmailed. It’s all a bit over the top - every poster has agreed that it’s silly to go to every single practice, but that it would be a kind gesture to appear every once in a while. It’s a 9 year old child who is asking an important adult in their life to support them, and it would take a couple of hours of op’s time every couple of months.

Nobody is suggesting an invitation is a ‘demand’ or that op must instantly appear at every single club and stand in the pouring rain week after week whether she wants to or not. Just that if she could it would be nice to attend a session every couple of months.

YANBU

Of course I agree that there’s no need for it to be every Saturday morning - that’s too much as it would dominate the weekends a bit. But rather than go from every Saturday to never, it could be every two months or something like that.

My nephews also have their own parents but I go and watch them do their sports every couple of months because they get super excited and actively want us there, and get enjoyment out of it. Kids remember stuff like that.

It really isn’t a hardship to show your face occasionally.

I feel sorry for the other kid stood bored in the rain every weekend. There is zero chance that I would make my DC endure this. I had to do this at my brother's football training every weekend and absolutely hated it, and still think my DP were unreasonable for making me go, and that was my actual brother.

Sorry just re-read and seen the children are half-siblings so I retract the 'actual brother' but nothing else.

@Abouttimemum

My nephews also have their own parents but I go and watch them do their sports every couple of months because they get super excited and actively want us there, and get enjoyment out of it. Kids remember stuff like that.

It really isn’t a hardship to show your face occasionally.

Yes, but equally you are massively overdramatising how much of a big deal it is if someone doesn't feel like it. It's ok to be honest with kids when you're not interested in things, to a degree. If it's football, my SCs would be aware that I would rather watch paint dry. People have different interests.

My DC play various sports and DH and I have a “divide and conquer” strategy so we’re rarely both at the same activity, There’s no need for you and your DC to attend, your DH can manage an hour on his own! I agree with PP’s that it might be nice to occasionally go if there’s a big match, for example, but you’re absolutely not obliged to.

@aSofaNearYou it won’t let me quote you, but it’s not necessarily about being interested in the activity, but about going there to support someone DESPITE not being interested. I also go watch my nephews do an activity every few weeks but have zero interest in it. But they asked me if I can watch them sometimes and it makes them happy, which means something to me. I go about once every 3 months.

The key to a happy family life is finding hobbies for your children that allow you to either hang around with a coffee somewhere warm and dry, or eff off altogether. Drama club, 2.5 hours, parents not permitted to observe, was a winner.

I understand it was the length of gymnastics class that was a deciding factor in the early career of the Team GB gymnastic twins. Their parents essentially wanted some peace on a Saturday morning.

[quote nevergoesaway]@aSofaNearYou it won’t let me quote you, but it’s not necessarily about being interested in the activity, but about going there to support someone DESPITE not being interested. I also go watch my nephews do an activity every few weeks but have zero interest in it. But they asked me if I can watch them sometimes and it makes them happy, which means something to me. I go about once every 3 months.[/quote]
Yeah, that's perfectly fine, but equally not the end of the world if you never or very rarely feel like it. Especially with other kids to think about.

I mean we love them and we're proud of course, but we're better at showing when we've had a break.