Nursery for new baby, takes away bedroom for DSS

[Biffasum11]

Hi All,

Just need some advice from those that have maybe been in my shoes. Me and my husband have been married 3 years and are now expecting our first baby together. My husband has a dauggter with another woman who is almost 7. I have been in DSD life since she was two. We live in a three bed semi and saved to buy it. Currently we have our master bedroom , our spare room that is my dressing room/ DSD room when she's here. She's is here once a month for the weekend due to distance. Her mum moved 300 miles away when she was 1 year old. Our third bedroom is a box room and is now an office due to me working from home. We only have a small lounge dinner and very small kitchen so I needed a dedicated work space. Now my baby arrival is fairly soon. I would love a nursery I have always envisioned a lovely space with a rocking chair and a cot with all their little bits. Realistically we do need the spare room space for the baby as our living space would be too small and cluttered to keep everything there. But this would mean DSD has no room at ours and would need to sleep on a blowup bed or on the sofa. I do feel awful but at the same time I would love to have a decorated nursery. We can't move right now as would mean paying large sum for early repayment for our fixed rate. And just makes little sense to throw away thousands and we wouldn't get a four bed for what we could afford once we pay those charges. Plus when it's just us two house size is no issue. Should I feel like I'm just evil ? Husband seems fine to make me a nursery and doesn't seem to have any guilt so should I just enjoy it and not overhthink?

If that room holds a double bed and a dressing table then it'll easy take a single bed and a cot.

OP why don't you want your DSD to share a room with her baby sister?

You don't need a double bed in the spare room. Move it out put in a single + your desk and office stuff, and make box into nursery. You won't need to do this for six months though as newborns are tiny and can sleep in a crib in your room / with you. Baby paraphernalia comes later when at toddler stage (2 years time) when you're considering moving.

You need to give up your dressing room, get the warddrobe that ones out as a office so you can hide it when not in use, Add a bed for your DSD and turn the small room into the Nursery.
Your going to need to just across the hall from the baby anyway when working,

www.studybed.co.uk/?fbclid=IwAR2A3clRAA_0vaaDn1Ne7RylQBGSTzWMn6md4JJP9-DYdIFGQ8XtFiKgLAc

Here you go.

If you turn DSD room into a nursery you risk making her feel pushed out and not wanted at a time where you really need to be making her feel as included as possible, her dad is having another child.
As others have said the older she gets she's really going to need her own space too regardless how often she comes.
I'd move my office space out to a garden room, you have plenty of time do get one built, then give DSD the office room and new baby the bigger room as that will be her home full time. That way everyone's got the space they need and nobody feels pushed out.

Imagine travelling 300 miles to see your dad and having to sleep on the sofa.

You simply can’t do that, OP, and I’m really unimpressed with your husband’s attitude. Not exactly looking like dad of the year is he.

Come on op, show her some kindness, you must have some in you. You don't need her to gave her own room, but you must be able to get her a proper bed and take her shopping for covers etc of her choice so she has at least just a tiny place of her own. Try and put yourself in her shoes, she's just a child and you chose her father, please please be kind.

she'd have to wait up past her bedtime until the sofa would be free too.

Even a sofa bed for your DSD in the baby’s room would work, provided you demonstrated you were keeping her in mind and dedicating a space to her by letting her help choose the sofa bed and the colour scheme and getting some great bedding. That doesn’t mean she gets final say, but it could be something you, her Dad and her do together. She could choose things for the nursery/bedroom and feel bonded to her sibling.

If your step children don't live with you then of course you give the room to your baby. Your baby need it. I'm sure your step children have their own rooms at their main home?! Why wouldn't your baby! I'd use a blow up bed for when they visit, it's no.big deal.

Op my cars sitting free at night, your dsd can have it for free. It will keep the rain off her when she’s sleeping. But you’ll have to send her with a packed lunch. Most I can stretch to is a carton of Ribena and a Kit Kat. Or an orange club if dh has done the shop.

@Beautiful3

If your step children don't live with you then of course you give the room to your baby. Your baby need it. I'm sure your step children have their own rooms at their main home?! Why wouldn't your baby! I'd use a blow up bed for when they visit, it's no.big deal.

Ignorant.

Step children may 'have their own rooms at their main home' but they also have to deal with their parents not being together anymore.

Well aren’t you a peach.

@Beautiful3

If your step children don't live with you then of course you give the room to your baby. Your baby need it. I'm sure your step children have their own rooms at their main home?! Why wouldn't your baby! I'd use a blow up bed for when they visit, it's no.big deal.

no big deal to make a child feel unwanted.

Yeah no biggie.

I guess it depends on your space, currently my bedroom has 2 desks in it. I think your baby needs their own room, surely there is some way of working an office and spare bedroom together.... use the "nursery" for both and make the nursery small, maybe just needs a cot, changing table and chair for you. Make your office in your own bedroom. Keep clothes in DSD room?

You could always have a running rail type wardrobe, wheel it out of dsd room when she is staying.

@LIZS I was thinking something like this www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B082KFS3Z6?pf_rd_p=ec81c384-e37e-4b31-97c3-529db15e8630&pd_rd_wg=8r9VJ&pf_rd_r=BFZYW1N7KK9NN7DMEWAW&pd_rd_i=B082KFS3Z6&pd_rd_w=OmmeG&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&pd_rd_r=95617ece-be38-47c4-b289-992c0e506086 I have these in my office/spare room and they’re great for visitors

She may be your step-child but she's your husband's biological child that he needs to take responsibility for.

That means making space for her in his home and in his life.

Both of you sound like inconsiderate arses that couldn't give a shit about how his poor daughter feels so long as you and your baby are prioritised.

Out with the old, in with the new after all. Let's hope history doesn't repeat itself because it sounds like he'll do the same to your kid should the opportunity present itself.

@Biffasum11 you choose either an office or a dressing room. You can’t have both. Your Dsd has the box room and your baby has the larger bedroom, which you could keep your extra wardrobe and dressing table in. You keep your desk in the living room. If you find having a dsd so inconvenient then you shouldn’t have married a man who is a father. You also shouldn’t have had a baby if you refuse to make room for 2 DC.

So some people think step children deserve their own rooms at both homes, even if it means the baby doesn't?! That makes no sense at all. Everyone has their own room in their main homes. When they visit the second home, they use a blow up bed. As long as you make a fuss of them and show them love and attention, nothing else matters. Most people cannot afford to live in a huge house to allow a bedroom for every child including step children! My niece has to sleep on the sofa bed at her dad's, they love her. But it would be madness to give a residential child's bedroom to a visiting child. Why should a step child get 2 bed rooms?!