Nursery for new baby, takes away bedroom for DSS

[Biffasum11]

Hi All,

Just need some advice from those that have maybe been in my shoes. Me and my husband have been married 3 years and are now expecting our first baby together. My husband has a dauggter with another woman who is almost 7. I have been in DSD life since she was two. We live in a three bed semi and saved to buy it. Currently we have our master bedroom , our spare room that is my dressing room/ DSD room when she's here. She's is here once a month for the weekend due to distance. Her mum moved 300 miles away when she was 1 year old. Our third bedroom is a box room and is now an office due to me working from home. We only have a small lounge dinner and very small kitchen so I needed a dedicated work space. Now my baby arrival is fairly soon. I would love a nursery I have always envisioned a lovely space with a rocking chair and a cot with all their little bits. Realistically we do need the spare room space for the baby as our living space would be too small and cluttered to keep everything there. But this would mean DSD has no room at ours and would need to sleep on a blowup bed or on the sofa. I do feel awful but at the same time I would love to have a decorated nursery. We can't move right now as would mean paying large sum for early repayment for our fixed rate. And just makes little sense to throw away thousands and we wouldn't get a four bed for what we could afford once we pay those charges. Plus when it's just us two house size is no issue. Should I feel like I'm just evil ? Husband seems fine to make me a nursery and doesn't seem to have any guilt so should I just enjoy it and not overhthink?

When our eldest was born we had a similar layout. Box room was the nursery and her cot was moved in there when she was about 6 months or so. "Spare room" was mainly our study/office but was used intermittently for visitors. When we had our second, we kept the office/ spare room as such, eldest went into a toddler bed and the cot was back in our room squeezed beside our bed. I can't remember where I changed the baby but did have my nursing chair in the office, set up where I could browse the internet with my laptop on the table.

By chance we saw our current house so moved before we had to rearrange the rooms further. But I would agree with those who've suggested, DSD keeps her room but set part of it up as your office in a manner that can be packed away when she's there (should be ok if she's usually only there on weekends?), and use the box room for a nursery.

You may be able to postpone the changes for a few months, or alter your set up gradually, if you can keep the baby stuff somewhere.

YABU, this will make the step daughter feel pushed out by the new baby .

You know it's wrong or you wouldn't have posted this thread. You have plenty of room. There are lots of ways to have an office space.

@Azerothi

At least you'll be well prepared for how your husband will treat your child if you ever split up.

Quite.

I am confused when you say that your lounge/diner and your kitchen are both very small, and yet your upstairs contains 3 bedrooms and presumably a bathroom. That cannot be correct. Both floors must have the same footprint, so you have room to have an adequate work space downstairs.
I think you are making excuses about the amount of space required for WFH, so that you can deny your dsd her room. That’s really unfair.
Put yourself in her shoes OP. You knew your OH had a child already, so don’t push her out so your baby can take priority.

What about turning the box room into a nursery as a cot should fit. then move your desk into the dressing room, but keep the bed in there too for DSD, as your moving in 2 years time this would be a temporary solution for then. I imagine you work monday to Friday and your DSD comes at weekends so the room wont be in use by both of you at the same time.

I hope your DSD doesn't come round anymore. A step mother who wants to make her feel pushed out and her father who doesn't give a monkeys about her. Poor kid. I would sleep on the floor to make sure my child had her own bed and room.

[quote MouldyPotato]@Challengerice

It is possibly to wear clothes and go out and NOT have a dressing room!

yes but the question was why does OP need a dressing room if they work from home. Working from home has no bearing on the need for a dressing room was my point.

Whether she needs a dressing room at all is a different matter only she can answer honestly. But working from home doesn't affect this.[/quote]
Working from home absolutely does have a bearing on it.

If they were e.g. someone who needed lots of smart well kept clothing for a corporate environment, requiring plenty of space to hang clothes and spend a lot of time grooming then I could understand why a separate dressing room might be beneficial (but still not essential).

But if the OP works from home, and basically just has to have a smart top on every day then at best it's a dressing room just for weekends/going out, which again is nice to have but not a priority over stuff like having somewhere for a child to sleep.

And if the OP is under the misapprehension that they will still be wearing fancy dresses regularly at the weekend and have time in the mornings to spend on anything resembling grooming once the baby arrives then perhaps she needs to know that's likely to change before she continues to prioritise her dressing room over basic living space?

.... and I DO actually have a dressing room, and a home office room, but if the rooms were needed for other things then I would give both of them up immediately.

Ways to add your 'dressing room stuff' to the box room office without taking up too much space:

If it becomes widespread post covid peoples homes just aren't big enough

More that people need to adjust their expectations tbh. DH and I both WFH in a 500sq ft 2 bedroom flat with no garden.

I agree with what Jenasaurus just said. The box room should be big enough for a baby/ young child. When I was young plenty of people had 4 kids in houses of similar size.OK they didn’t work from home but still.

Your desk and DSD bed in the 2nd bedroom. You are unlike to be using it at the same time.
The baby in the 3rd room.

@cabingirl

Ideas for the spare bedroom:

Those are absolutely beautiful. They don’t include a rocking chair but the OP will probably have to do without one. When there are multiple children in a normal house as opposed to a mansion, compromises have to be reached. Compromises that benefit all members of the family, not just the OP whose initial message was all ‘me, me, me’.

You need to fix up, box room can become an office space and dressing room, spare room can be a shared nursery and bedroom for DSD, be really clever and organised with storage, and be realistic, do you really need a dressing table ??(and whatever else goes in a dressing room), your DSD if part of your family so treat her like it, you're going to have to make sacrifices and not making them shows a huge level of immaturity

@peepopeepopeepo

If it becomes widespread post covid peoples homes just aren't big enough

More that people need to adjust their expectations tbh. DH and I both WFH in a 500sq ft 2 bedroom flat with no garden.

With a baby on the way and a step child to stay once a month?

I’m sorry, I’ve been lazy and not read beyond page 2, but I don’t see why room 2 (the bigger room) can’t continue to be DSD’s room and the office and DS in the tiny room?

OP do you understand why this is so important?

DSD may well feel pushed out when the new baby comes (rightly or wrongly). And this will set up her relationship with her little sister.

If you push her out of her bedroom this will make her feel like she's being replaced or that she doesn't matter to her Dad any more and this may managers in her being jealous of her baby sister. You're setting the whole family up for some unhappy dynamics, potentially, if you make her feel excluded in this way.

You need to go through your clothes and dump a lot of them if you need a whole room to store them and for dressing.

Ideas:

Put office and DSS bedroom in the current dressing room (with clothes sorted and many disposed of/stored in your current bedroom). You can set up a room divider to use for when she's there so she doesn't feel she's sleeping in an office.
Put baby in the box room.

OR

Put baby and DSS both in the current dressing room. Get rid of a lot of clothes, try to figure out storage solutions in your own bedroom.
Use box room for office (plus maybe clothes storage?)

Meant DSD, not DSS

I'd have the children share a room if your step daughter is visiting that infrequently. You can always have the baby in with you while they are little on the weekends she visits for the first two or three years.

You sound unwilling to compromise even though ppl have posted valid suggestions. Your DSD needs her own space, really should of thought of the logistics before getting pregnant!

Can you get your double bed into bedroom 2? Then children share the master with more space for their things and possible wardrobe space for you? I gave my child the Master as all I do in my room is go to bed, he plays in his room and his toys take up much more space than my few gadgets. The bigger your kids room the more tidy the rest of your house can be.

You have a 3 bed house so use these rooms as BEDROOMS.

Office/box room = Dsd bedroom
Dressing room = baby’s room

Move your office desk into the front room or the baby’s room. Move the wardrobe and dressing table etc into your own bedroom. You’re an awful step mum if you choose to have a dedicated dressing room over providing a place to sleep and relax for your dsd.

You are being totally unreasonable. Your poor DSD. The simple solution is the nursery is the box room. And the other room is a larger office with a day bed which becomes DSD room when she visits

@CoralSparkles

You have a 3 bed house so use these rooms as BEDROOMS.

Office/box room = Dsd bedroom
Dressing room = baby’s room

Move your office desk into the front room or the baby’s room. Move the wardrobe and dressing table etc into your own bedroom. You’re an awful step mum if you choose to have a dedicated dressing room over providing a place to sleep and relax for your dsd.

Not as bad as her bloody husband who really doesn't give a damn!

I couldn't be with someone who thinks so little of their own child - I'd be worried about how he'd treat my child if we separated.