Has anyone split up because of their step kids?

[eggsfor1]

I split with an ex nearly a year ago, we have 1 one year old child together.

He was never honest with my why the split happened, and today I found out it was because I wasn't a good enough step mum.

I find it all quite unfair, I did the best I could with what I knew, I was only 27 never really been around kids before and they were so young (4 & 6) they lived 1 hour 45 mins away and came eow.

I know this is probably naive but since having my own child I realise so many things that were so annoying are in fact normal, like arguing they used to argue 24/7 I didn't know this was a thing?! Eating, I didn't realise they could be so picky with food, even pick their own food and then decide they don't want it. As an adult I got frustrated by this. Touching, they wanted to touch me all the time, holding my hand or sitting on my lap, I found it all very strange. But now know this is normal too.

I wish he could have just spoken to me and we could have done something about this. I would have moved closer to them, or even just give me more time, I'm ready for family life now and everything that it entails.

I just wanted to know if this had happened to anyone else?

@lucy5236

That's so tough for you and your DD but maybe best in the long run.

A bit ironic that he was criticising your step parenting skills when you spent EOW with his kids....and then he only then spends 3 hours a week with his own DD.

You made more effort with his kids than he even does with his own so he's not in a position to criticise anyone

Exactly. Such wailing from a man who fucked off when his baby was 10 weeks old.

OP he’s a crap parent to all three of his kids. It’s not you..... it’s him

@SpongebobNoPants

I thought that we were turning a corner, but a few days ago I found out that he has been dating someone at work for over 6 months and is now living with her. After I asked him outright if he was seeing anyone else - he always said 'no'. She actually has a child too, so it will be interesting to see what he makes of step parenting

It is a real shame as I really thought we could work things out. It's been nearly a year of me questioning every aspect of myself and our relationship

This sounds very much like my ex. I was able to move on quite quickly after we officially ended because in my head I had emotionally detached from him during the course of our relationship due to his behaviour towards my daughter.

It sounds cruel but he sees it as me meeting someone else only 6 months after our split, but in my head I had been emotionally divorced from my Ex for at least 6-12 months prior.

It sounds like there isn’t much hope for a romantic reconciliation but you can move forward and be amazing parents to your child.

Thank you for this. It has been a real eye opener.

@osbertthesyrianhamster

Look, he's VERY classic - a shit dad with multiple kids who thinks women are there to parent his kids. He's 10p a punnet. He's got 3 kids by different mums and has little contact with all of them. He's a baby daddy.

He blames you because he's a sexist tool who thinks women need to do his job.

You made the mistake of having no kids yourself and dating a guy with kids. 99% of the time, this is shit for the woman. I've no idea why they do it.

So here's an important lesson to learn: focus on you, your life and your DD not on men and dating. You meet a man and he tries to shift parenting duties for his kids to you, dump immediately.

Thank you!

I am not going to date anyone for a very very long time. It's just about me and my DC.

My mum warned me about dating someone with children (she has done it in the past) I guess you just never know what something is going to be like until you do it.

Lesson officially learnt 😭