My DC will always be my priority

[MarkUp]

Does anyone else read things on here sometimes and feel like SPs are expected to prioritise their DSC over their own DC?

I feel it from my own husband sometimes too.

But I refuse. My DC will always, always be my priority, yes I love them more, yes I care more, and yes I want to treat them more.

I will take them on holiday if I can afford to whether or not DH can afford to take his DC. I'll not make them save all fun and days out for when their half siblings are here. I will not reduce any inheritance they receive so it can be split 'equally'. I will not tell my parents they can't buy more presents at Christmas and birthdays for their own grandchild. I will not stop treating them to nice things if I want to just because I can't afford 3 lots of it.

"Did you read what I said...? That's exactly what I said happens 🤣"

ok great, so whats the problem here?

@KaleSlayer

I never said it was - i said its victim blaming and gave an example of that. Maybe read smile

No. Because rape is wrong in every possible way. It’s against the law.

Parenting, step parenting, how you do that, is just opinion.

So engage your brain. Fucking vile. I’ve reported your post.

I did not say what you said was akin to rape. Im saying youre victim blaming (because online abuse is a crime, too) like people do when women get raped.

Youre saying that Op is asking for it. Is that okay?

I have reported your post for a personal attack. It is not my fault your comprehension skills and understanding are lacking.

@Fondizone

"It's like blaming the OW if your husband has an affair. Yes, she is guilty of having an affair with him. But it's your husband who is letting you down and where you should direct your anger."

hmm.. are you saying the SM should not be an object of anger here? The SM is guilty for not opening her heart to the SC. Yes the DF must have intervened, but that doesnt mean the anger should be directed only to him. Both are at fault and anger to both is justifiable.

I didn't say the SM was not guilty.

I said the father is much more culpable for allowing his child to be treated that way because he wouldn't protect her. He was responsible for ensuring his daughter's wellbeing. And he failed to do that.

He'd already divorced once, leaving a family with children. It's not that he couldn't have left a woman who was viciously mistreating his daughter. He didn't.

But, as always, we concentrate on the woman's poor behaviour and almost view the man as a poor victim.

"I'm talking about going with my DC on my own, not with their Dad like DSC do with their Mum."

i think thats ok. Again a bit of empathy i guess would sort out a lot of the issues. If you invite the SC to things, then they feel included, even if they dont come. It is normal for everyone to do different things at different times depending on age, availability etc. The key thing is opening your heart and mind to the SC, and giving them an equal place in your family unit. Not better, not worse, but fair and equal.

Getyourarseofffthequattro

Stop trying to excuse your disgusting post. I won’t be engaging with you further.

@KaleSlayer

Getyourarseofffthequattro

Stop trying to excuse your disgusting post. I won’t be engaging with you further.

I dont need to excuse it, its factually correct. You were victim blaming, and you clearly did not like being called out on it.

If you invite the SC to things, then they feel included, even if they dont come

Sometimes I would like to do things with my DC alone 🤷 so whilst we do do things together, I don't always invite DSC to things no. Especially considering we're talking about when they aren't even staying with us. What would be the point in inviting them to something when they obviously can't come because their with their Mum?

If you don't want to deal with the politics of step kids, don't have kids with a man who already has them! (Or keep two separate households)

A blended family means compromise and this includes holidays, days out etc. Obviously circumstances vary so if the dsc are getting fancy holidays abroad with mum it isn't the same as if they aren't even getting a damp weekend in Bognor.

We don't have joint kids so easier but either they all are invited or just I would take my kids or vice versa (though dp's dd is desperate to join us and he's not keen on that trip, we get on very well and over 18.

either they all are invited or just I would take my kids or vice versa

Exactly what I've said I do.

And i haven't said anything about the politics of step kids. Just that I prioritise my DC. Why is that wrong?

"Sometimes I would like to do things with my DC alone 🤷 so whilst we do do things together, I don't always invite DSC to things no. Especially considering we're talking about when they aren't even staying with us. What would be the point in inviting them to something when they obviously can't come because their with their Mum?"

sure. a lot of this as i said is empathy and common sense really. going to the park for a play with your dc. no question. Going to peppa pig park and not taking your toddler SD who is madly in love with peppa and let your DC talk about it to SD, probably would hurt her feelings...

@MNHQ

Thank you for the deletion.

[quote KaleSlayer]@MNHQ

Thank you for the deletion.[/quote]
lol - i still stand by what i said, Victim blaming is wrong, your personal attack was deleted too, btw.

"I didn't say the SM was not guilty.

I said the father is much more culpable for allowing his child to be treated that way because he wouldn't protect her. He was responsible for ensuring his daughter's wellbeing. And he failed to do that.

He'd already divorced once, leaving a family with children. It's not that he couldn't have left a woman who was viciously mistreating his daughter. He didn't.

But, as always, we concentrate on the woman's poor behaviour and almost view the man as a poor victim."

Yes, I totally agree, it was also my Dad's fault to an extent in that he didn't get away from this woman. This will be my last post on this, as I wont derail the thread, and I know people want to talk about other situations.
But just to clarify what happened.I was around 13 -14. I was a teenager when this happened, so my Dad had divorced my mum at this stage and was now living his new girlfriend. Both he and his new girlfriend were in their late forties.

She played a lot of psychological games to get my Dad to stay away from me.

She told him that I had called her, and said that I didn't want to see my Dad ever again, that he was a bad dad, and that I wanted to move into a new life with my mum,

My Dad used to telephone me every week on the housephone (this was before mobile phones). She told him that I had said that I didn't want him to telephone me ever again, and that if he did, me and my mum would call the police on him to leave us alone (we never said that)

She also told me things that were not true, she told me that he didn't want to see me, which wasn't true, but I believed it for a while, until I eventually managed to get in touch with him, and he told me he never said that, and that he thought I never wanted to see him again.

She forged letters in my writing to him, saying that he was an awful Dad, and that I didnt want to see him again. She wrote these letters to him, and pretended I wrote them

She had their home telephone number changed and refused to give it to me.

etc etc.

So he did cut me off for about a year. But she told him in many different ways that I didn't want to see him again, and she also made it incredibly difficult for me and my dad to see each other.

Then my Dad killed himself a year later. She was definitely an abuser.

@Fondizone
But what happens when it’s the other way around. SC and mum go to Peppa Pig World and SC talk to DC about it. Won’t DC feelings be hurt?

I know some people will say to educate DC on relationships, etc. but why is the same not expected of SC?

@janeapple111 oh my god...what a psychopathic disgusting woman, cant find words really...and so sorry for you. i wonder if she found another victim after your Dad. Did you ever confront her or speak to your Dad before he passed?

Oh OP didn't you realise that you're a step parent, so you're automatically a home wrecking child hating cow? The way it works is that step children were born first, so they must be prioritised over your children at all times. Yours have 2 parents who are together so it doesn't matter if they miss out on things because you knew what you were getting into when you married him

Going to peppa pig park and not taking your toddler SD who is madly in love with peppa and let your DC talk about it to SD, probably would hurt her feelings...

If the dad isn’t going then I really don’t see the big deal about a stepmum going out doing something lovely and special with just her children. I’m sure the stepmum’s children have to hear about all of the lovely things they do with their own mum.

And to be honest, most big days out that a stepmum wants to take just her children on will be planned on a day when the stepchildren are with their mum anyway. So even less of a big deal really isn’t it?

@janeapple111 she clearly had a screw loose and I’m sorry you and your Dad had to experience that.

I don’t think her behaviour is typical of step parents though - so although terrible, you haven’t touched on anything that the OP can learn from.

@funinthesun19

Going to peppa pig park and not taking your toddler SD who is madly in love with peppa and let your DC talk about it to SD, probably would hurt her feelings...

If the dad isn’t going then I really don’t see the big deal about a stepmum going out doing something lovely and special with just her children. I’m sure the stepmum’s children have to hear about all of the lovely things they do with their own mum.

And to be honest, most big days out that a stepmum wants to take just her children on will be planned on a day when the stepchildren are with their mum anyway. So even less of a big deal really isn’t it?

personally i think dad should be able to go, his "second" dc misses out then dont they?

@funinthesun19
But why couldn’t the dad go too?

If DSD is with her mum then can’t DC enjoy a day with their parents?

@Haveyoubrushedyourteeth

Oh OP didn't you realise that you're a step parent, so you're automatically a home wrecking child hating cow? The way it works is that step children were born first, so they must be prioritised over your children at all times. Yours have 2 parents who are together so it doesn't matter if they miss out on things because you knew what you were getting into when you married him

You forgot that they should simply be eternally grateful that daddy lives with them all the time. That means they don't need day trips, or treats, or even their own bedroom (they can just stare with their parents).

And their mothers are vicious and awful if they want to experience anything with their child that isn't a byproduct of something for their husband's more important children.

@Fondizone
But what happens when it’s the other way around. SC and mum go to Peppa Pig World and SC talk to DC about it. Won’t DC feelings be hurt?

very good point. i guess the thing here is that the ex-wife of your DC's Dad does not have ay real relationship with your DC, they probably dont even see each other, so the ex inviting your DC would be nice but not something to be expected? on the other hand, your SC is frequently in your home, has a relation with you and the DC, and feels a part of your family unit and the action of not involving SC hurts their feelings.

I think if it's a weekend DSC aren't there then there is nothing wrong with Dad joining in trips. Obviously if it's his weekend with DSC, they would come along if he did.

Although I'm sure some people are of the opinion 'DSC don't ever get to go out with both their parents' although imo, whilst maybe sad (I never really thought about it tbh), it doesn't mean another child should never be able to.