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Original poster

To want a thank you for DH

124 replies

TheShoeShining · 17/04/2021 15:28

SD12 has been given a pile of presents for her birthday. Her dad asked what she wanted, took time to find the exact things she'd asked for and was really looking forward to giving them to her. So she sits and opens them, not a word of thanks. Literally not one.
For context, there are no issues there, no ASD, sensory, anxiety or anything else. I'm not looking for thanks myself as a stepmum as we each handle present buying for our own DC.
I just feel so sad for him thar he gets no thanks or gratitude. And I wonder if I'm BU by even expecting that kids say thanks for things any more?

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Sparklfairy · 17/04/2021 15:34

That's really rude of her. Is she normally a spoiled brat?

Really it's up to your DH to pull her up on this behaviour. Not step mum bashing but it will have more impact coming from him, that she hurt his feelings by acting ungrateful, especially as he put such thought and care into the presents.

Ileflottante · 17/04/2021 15:34

Ungrateful little madam. Can he call her on it? It probably should come from him. Is he soft on her out of a guilt/sadness at the situation, and does he try too hard to please her? That will cause problems in my experience.

BlueDahlia69 · 17/04/2021 15:36

Brat alert OP, remind her politely that manners cost zilcho 🌸

Casmama · 17/04/2021 15:37

I'm surprised he didn't call her on it. How is their relationship normally? I have known a number of people who are fairly absent parents but splash the cash at birthdays - it really doesn't make up for a poor relationship.
If the relationship is generally good then he should have a word

grapewine · 17/04/2021 15:52

He should have said something. She's rude. Has she been raised to say thank you? It's just basic manners.

sunflowersandbuttercups · 17/04/2021 15:54

Why didn't your DH say something?

Ponoka7 · 17/04/2021 15:56

Well he's raised her and once again not pulled her up, so perhaps that's how it is in their family?

AmyLou100 · 17/04/2021 15:58

Brat, He should have said something to her. He needs to address this. I would have said something though.

arethereanyleftatall · 17/04/2021 15:59

Well, there clearly are issues. No 12 yr old I've ever met would not say thank you for presents. There's either a back story; or she's not been brought up with any manners (which would be down to her parents, both of them).

UhtredRagnarson · 17/04/2021 15:59

I just feel so sad for him thar he gets no thanks or gratitude.

Well he’s responsible for teaching her manners.

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/04/2021 16:12

Was she happy? This seems very odd.

Namechange1067949 · 17/04/2021 16:13

But who teaches her manners? Doesn’t sound like it’s DH

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 17/04/2021 16:14

He's had a hand in bringing her up, presumably?

KurtWilde · 17/04/2021 16:16

Surely he's been involved in teaching her manners growing up? Why didn't he call her out on it?

OolieMacdoolie · 17/04/2021 16:16

She’s very rude, and it’s your husband’s job to parent her properly by teaching her manners so she knows what to do in future.

chocolateorangeinhaler · 17/04/2021 16:19

Remind her in your house it's your rules and that we say thankyou for gifts in this house or they get taken back.
Jokingly say "I'm sure you forgot in the excitement but I'm sure you won't forget next time...or there won't be a next time" and smile sweetly at her as you walk away. Do follow through though of and tell DH to locate where his backbone is,recognize it and start using it.

user1493413286 · 17/04/2021 16:20

Did he not prompt her? My stepdaughter is similar and one of us will prompt her, often DH as I’ve often chosen things.

WorraLiberty · 17/04/2021 16:21

And I wonder if I'm BU by even expecting that kids say thanks for things any more?

You're not really wondering that at all though, are you?

Kids need to be picked up on their manners from time to time and he certainly needs to pick her up on hers.

Macncheeseballs · 17/04/2021 16:22

Maybe she's really unhappy

Joinedjustforthispost · 17/04/2021 16:22

When my kids forget there manners even my 12 year old I’ve always gently corrected them and said to them it’s polite to thank someone when they give you a present or do something, most of the time it’s just excitement and being forgetful.

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/04/2021 16:22

Tell me we're not going to get a thread calling a little girl a whole shit ton of horrible names but an OP who ghosts. I get really uncomfortable with the kind of names children get called on here.

DissociativeBitch · 17/04/2021 16:23

Didn't you remind her?
I'd just say, have you got something to say to your dad.

Tinkling · 17/04/2021 16:39

My child did the same thing for their birthday this year. I told them how rude it was, because I refuse to let them forget their manners. Sounds like your DH needs to talk to her.

Leeds2 · 17/04/2021 16:41

Is DH upset about the lack of a thank you, or are you upset on his behalf? Just thinking that good manners are possibly not as important to him as they are to you.

DaphneDuBois · 17/04/2021 16:52

I’d have stopped her opening any more after the second one, asking her why she thinks it’s acceptable to open gifts without any signs of gratitude. Wouldn’t let her unwrap any more until there’s a change in manners. To allow her to open an entire pile and not say a single thank you is letting her think that it’s ok to appear utterly ungrateful. He’s responsible for teaching her that. YANBU