There's a whole load of back story etc about dh and his ex but I'll try and keep this brief.
Dsd mum (ill call her A) is causing all sorts of issues for dsd and neither she or her partner are even willing to listen to us. Im not even sure where to begin with this whole mess.
A has some pretty serious MH issues but refuses to see anyone, gp and MH professionals were involved but she's stopped her appointments with them. As a result she won't speak to DH or myself, everything about DSD goes through her partner (ill call him B). She claims DH was abusive and hurt her and DSD obviously I wasn't there but DH is the most loving and gental man I've ever met. I was in a nasty relationship before I met DH and he's never once given me cause for concern about how he treats me DSD or any of my 3 kids. He does however have photos etc of when she smashed a glass in his face and dislocated his elbow among other things.
Things have been escalating recently and I'm at my wits end about how to protect DSD. DSD is about to turn 4 and start school, her mum didn't want to potty train her as 'it's too hard with a newborn' so DH and I worked hard to potty train her which was made harder by the fact she went straight back into nappies when back at her mums. Eventually A&B got on side and DSD was potty trained, obviously there were accidents then DH and I started to notice DSDs bowel movements were odd so we contacted the gp who prescribed laxatives. For weeks the issues went on until one day I took her to the toilet and she had a but of an accident and she started screaming about being a bad girl and mummy would get cross etc. It took a long time to calm her down. I cleaned her up and sat her down to talk to her and she told me she doesn't want the poo to come out because if it comes out before she can get to the toilet then mummy shouts and says she's a dirty and bad girl. I spoke with DH and he rang B. B basically said yea A's MH is bad again and she's taking it out on the kids, then told DH about their toddler climbing on the coffee table and falling off and hurting himself and she yelled at him he was stupid etc. B willingly tells us stuff like this but when we say he needs to get A some help he defends her and says we are being dramatic. This is just the tip of the iceberg there's been so many other concerning things too (dsd only leaves the house to go to nursery when at her mums, other than that A won't leave the house and even then it's usually B who takes her unless he's working. DSD has said she gets scared when coming to us because mummy says she needs her there because it makes her feel better because mummy's always sad. I could go on and on). I honestly don't know how to fix things for DSD my heart breaks for her, she's such a wonderful little girl but she's got so many emotional problems and I just want to take the pain away and I cant.