Page 2 | What is the worst thing your DH's ex has ever done?

RUOKHon · 20/03/2021 09:22

Nothing illegal or cruel, just downright, jaw droppingly selfish. I could write a book of examples, including turning up five hours late to pick up DSC with a hangover because she ‘got lost’ on the way back from wherever she’d been the night before.

But the worst one I can think of was when she’d been dating this guy for about a month and on a whim, decided to go on holiday with him. So she called DH at 11.30pm the night before the morning she was due to leave and asked him to have DSC for her whole contact week and she’d see them in two weeks’ time (50:50 arrangement). And then off she fucked.

DH and I both worked full time at the time in really demanding jobs and sorting out that extra childcare juggle was a nightmare.

She split up with the guy a couple of weeks after they got back.

TrustTheGeneGenie · 20/03/2021 09:26

Kicked her 12yo son out with no prior warning to us. Literally just "go to your dad's"

Hit dp in the street in front of them 8yo dss.
Threw a tin of cupcakes me and dss had made at dp in front of Dss.

Called me all the names under the sun. Told anyone who would listen dp cheated with me for years.

Left dss on my doorstep several times with no warning when I was on mat leave.

Letting dss skip school, stay at his gfs house most of the week, no discipline no nothing. All of of yeas of hard work to get his grades up and his aspirations higher for absolutely fuck all.

Other than that just years of general harrassment and asking for more and more money and being a generally negligent parent.

It's been a fun 8 years!

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 20/03/2021 09:35

Abandoned the kids when one was a baby and the other practically lived in hospital because she had met a man who didn't want children

Before that, bringing home different men and letting DH catch her with them

Kidnapping the kids and refusing to bring them back despite a court order, just because she was annoyed that her maintenance payment had increased

Turning up to our wedding and offering to shag DH for old times sake, then when he refused, going home with his younger brother despite being married to the bloke she left DH for

Apart from that she has always been lovely to me personally, we have never fallen out, although we came close at the wedding (DH told me about it that night because he was so incredulous - she had spent 10 years ridiculing and slagging him off for being dull and too nice!

TrustTheGeneGenie · 20/03/2021 09:40

Oh she also told dss when I was pregnant that the baby was not his brother and had nothing to do with him. She also told him numerous times when we got together that daddy wouldn't love him anymore because he would be too busy with me and my child (which I didn't have - she'd stalked my fb and seen a pic of me holding a baby who looked like me who was actually my brother)

Tallybeebloom · 20/03/2021 09:43

Would (and continues to) make up crazy lies about DP, including once saying that he had come round and broken into her house and stolen her pet stick insects! (We were away on holiday at the time but she didn't know that). She will tell anyone she can about these things and post them on social media.

Will not allow the kids to come or for their dad to see them whenever the whim takes her and she wants a bit of power. She will also tell the kids that he isn't really their dad at these times. It's so horrible and damaging for them. She will tell them not to speak to him if they see him in the street because he's just someone pretending to be their dad. The kids adore their dad and are getting so confused and damaged by it all, it's awful to see.

dontdisturbmenow · 20/03/2021 10:20

To be clear she hasn't said she wants this, she said her mum told her to say it!
You have no idea, you really don't.

My DS complained that his dad wasn't spending enough 1-1 with him. He is a very sensitive and introverted kid and would never dare bringing it up, to scared to be told he was silly. When he told me, I explained to him that he had to tell his dad because I had tried before and he didn't think it was coming from him.

I can imagine the same situation with your SD. So sad that what is coming out if it is the assumption that it is coming from mum just to create trouble and no consideration that it is the way the child is trying to express her needs.

Easterbunnygettingready · 20/03/2021 10:28

Dh's ex once rang shouting down the phone my dc were ferel as they didn't put loo roll in the toilet bowl before having a poo...
Wtaf?
Dsd had matching shoes for every outfit and if she needed changed we were expected to also change the shoes. The grief if she found out we hadn't was insane!

TrustTheGeneGenie · 20/03/2021 10:32

@dontdisturbmenow

To be clear she hasn't said she wants this, she said her mum told her to say it! You have no idea, you really don't.

My DS complained that his dad wasn't spending enough 1-1 with him. He is a very sensitive and introverted kid and would never dare bringing it up, to scared to be told he was silly. When he told me, I explained to him that he had to tell his dad because I had tried before and he didn't think it was coming from him.

I can imagine the same situation with your SD. So sad that what is coming out if it is the assumption that it is coming from mum just to create trouble and no consideration that it is the way the child is trying to express her needs.

Sorry but YOU have no idea. It's entirely possible the child told the poster that mum told them to say it. You're literally on a thread dedicated to horrific exs and here you still are telling people they don't know what they're on about.

This is clearly not the thread for you.

stout01 · 20/03/2021 10:34

Some of this is so sad to read. Having experienced similar I don't understand this need to try and ruin an ex partners life. Especially when kids are involved as they are the ones that suffer.

Anordinarymum · 20/03/2021 10:42

Ooh........

He was single for years before we met, living alone but still married to her. When she found out about me she told everyone I had broken their marriage up and that I was a tart amongst other things.

Divorced now but she still feels entitled to behave as if I do not exist and then had the cheek to tell me it's all water under the bridge.

I have never met her and hope I never will. She caused me a lot of unhappiness which was purely out of cruelty and a lack of control.

Ladyofmainlyleisure · 20/03/2021 10:52

And this is why I never had a relationship with someone with children.
Why put yourself through it?

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 20/03/2021 11:09

Oh and actually I had forgotten this but it has come back to me; when DH was in hospital dying she visited him. I was there at the time and went for a cup of tea to give them time together - I thought it would be better if I wasn't there in case she wanted to apologise or make peace with him. He texted me within 5 minutes begging me to come back because she wouldn't leave him alone - when I got back into his room, she was sat on the bed, stroking his hair, and I could see through the glass in the door that he was shrinking away from her. He was unable to speak because of his illness so he couldn't tell her to stop, but it was obvious from his body language. I arrived at the same time the nurse did - he pressed the nurse call button after texting me for help. He made it clear after that he didn't want to see her again.

LadyCatStark · 20/03/2021 11:52

Sent her meat head husband round to our house to threaten me and 3 year old DS after she’d had an argument with DH that was nothing to do with me (or her husband actually). Luckily I had all the doors locked so he couldn’t get in. When I called the police he told them that I had threatened him with a knife. The worst part was that I’d just used a sharp knife to cut up and apple for DS and it was still on the side. He’d come round the back and was shouting through the kitchen window so I wonder if he’d clocked the knife and planned to use it! Luckily the police believed me as I was due to start a new job on a school the following week and couldn’t have if o was under a criminal investigation.

dontdisturbmenow · 20/03/2021 12:40

Sorry but YOU have no idea. It's entirely possible the child told the poster that mum told them to say it
It is possible just as much as it might not be, yet OP has clearly assumed to be the case and labelled the ex accordingly.

There are some horrible examples stated here, no doubt, but this one strikes as one of the standard 'it couldn't possibly be the kid expressing his wishes, it could only be them brainwashed by the evil ex just to make our life a misery'.

LadyCluck · 20/03/2021 12:49

I have as little to do with her as possible.

She has however physically attacked DH three times and their children were present and witnessed each incident. A combination of her losing her temper as she wasn’t getting her way and also we think she was trying to goad DH into reacting and hitting her back (he didn’t).

He reported each assault to the police and on the last occasion she got hauled in for an interview but sadly it didn’t get taken any further.

TrustTheGeneGenie · 20/03/2021 12:49

@dontdisturbmenow

Sorry but YOU have no idea. It's entirely possible the child told the poster that mum told them to say it It is possible just as much as it might not be, yet OP has clearly assumed to be the case and labelled the ex accordingly.

There are some horrible examples stated here, no doubt, but this one strikes as one of the standard 'it couldn't possibly be the kid expressing his wishes, it could only be them brainwashed by the evil ex just to make our life a misery'.

Well as she is actually in the situation and knows the ex and the child, and you aren't, and don't, I'd be inclined to trust her judgement over yours.

ihavenowords30 · 20/03/2021 13:07

Being jealous that we chose to only have 1 child so we have so much more freedom... and that we should make up for this financially

Original poster

Itlod1982 · 20/03/2021 14:36

@dontdisturbmenow

To be clear she hasn't said she wants this, she said her mum told her to say it! You have no idea, you really don't.

My DS complained that his dad wasn't spending enough 1-1 with him. He is a very sensitive and introverted kid and would never dare bringing it up, to scared to be told he was silly. When he told me, I explained to him that he had to tell his dad because I had tried before and he didn't think it was coming from him.

I can imagine the same situation with your SD. So sad that what is coming out if it is the assumption that it is coming from mum just to create trouble and no consideration that it is the way the child is trying to express her needs.

@dontdisturbmenow tbh that was actually my first thought. DSD had mentioned having more one on one time to her dad last week and he said to me. My initial reaction was really supportive, I've got a DD myself and enjoy one on one time with her and know how important it is.

However, DSD and her dad were getting ready to go to the park just the 2 of them. She shouted on me so I went down to say 'bye & have fun' so she asked why I wasn't going. Her dad said it would be nice for the 2 of them to go and she got upset and wanted me to go along. Her dad said if she wanted me to go it was her choice but he thought she wanted one on one time and her reply was "I don't really want that, it's just what mum told me to say because she (i.e me) is not my real mum but is always there"

OP posts:

Original poster

Itlod1982 · 20/03/2021 14:40

I'm so sorry to read all these examples. I genuinely thought my DH's ex was crazy and using her DD to get back at me but this really puts it into perspective.
So sad that so many mums would hurt the children in order to get at their ex and/or new partner

OP posts:

Festivalgirl83 · 20/03/2021 15:55

@Blendiful

Refused to let DSC come to us during lockdown 1. But then requested he see them there instead. Made sure DSC called everyday for a delivery of random items such as ice lollies or a cucumber and such like as she also would not go to the shop.

His ex also would not let their child come here during lockdown one but he could visit DSD there.

EnoughnowIthink · 20/03/2021 16:46

Jesus some of these are so so sad. I have no idea how mothers can behave like that they are emotionally abusing children

It is not the sole domain of mothers.

TrustTheGeneGenie · 20/03/2021 16:47

@EnoughnowIthink

Jesus some of these are so so sad. I have no idea how mothers can behave like that they are emotionally abusing children

It is not the sole domain of mothers.

Obviously not but this thread is specifically about mother's.

TwoHundredThousandTimes · 20/03/2021 16:54

Stole 250k from the joint account which the solicitor said DH just had to 'write off' because it was joint and she said that DH had said she could take it.

Wrote poison pen anonymous letters to my boss (despite the fact that she left DH for her lover and 18 months after the separation we met) to say that i was an adulterer. Wrote poison pen letters saying the same to my parents and also to a club that DH belongs to - all were written designed to land in the mail the day before we were married. We got the lawyers involved over that one.

They were married 10 months. separated 18 months before the divorce. Then we met and married in a timeframe if 3 years after their divorce. Married 19 years this June and people still call me the other woman because of her bile. despite the fact that DH was her 3rd husband and the week before they got married she went on a last fling weekend with the one lover that was the constant throughout ALL her marriages.

I am not bitter. Not at all.

They do not share a child thank fuck.

Easterbunnygettingready · 20/03/2021 16:59

I didn't have dc with exh soley so I wasn't enmeshed with his ex and their dc forever...
Best day when I threw him out - and the realisation I would never have to deal with his ex again.

dontdisturbmenow · 20/03/2021 17:47

DSD had mentioned having more one on one time to her dad last week and he said to me
So she did mention it before? Maybe she did to her mum too.

How old is she? Could it be that she manipulates a bit both parents when it suits? Especially if under 8yo, she could do so unconsciously.

Ultimately it does come down to context and whatever else is happening.