What is the worst thing your DH's ex has ever done?

[Itlod1982]

For anyone with a DH with a spiteful or crazy ex what is the worst thing they've ever said or done to you?

My DSD has announced that her DM told her to suggest more one on one time with her dad without me around.
To be clear she hasn't said she wants this, she said her mum told her to say it!

Or what's the number one thing she does to wind you up?

I need a bit of light hearted relief tonight so any replies would be appreciated... serious...funny....whacky..

The number one thing she does to wind me up.... existing

Refused to let DSC come to us during lockdown 1. But then requested he see them there instead. Made sure DSC called everyday for a delivery of random items such as ice lollies or a cucumber and such like as she also would not go to the shop.

Screamed at me down the phone calling me a “fat cunt with a shit boob job” because I dared to take my eldest SD to the supermarket to buy her school shirts as she’d already missed her first day back at school after the summer because her mum hadn’t bought her uniform... even though we had sent her the money for the uniform 2 months prior.
Mum was sat in the pub getting drunk whilst my SD cried down the phone to me out the lack of school shirts so I picked her up, bought them and dropped her home all whilst mum was still drinking herself into oblivion (it was her birthday so she thinks that excuses her behaviour).

Apparently I’m a massive cunt and undermined her.

She’s really classy 👌🏻

My now exh's ex went nuts when we booked a week away with my dc. Mon-Fri when he would not have seen his dc and my dm paid.
We offered to swap to the week end and take dsd with us.
Apparently it wasn't fair dsd got a fun holiday without her(ex) there to see dsd having a good time.
We went without her in the end..

My DH got called into work and asked me to do the drop off and step child's mum would meet me half way in a town centre as child had a birthday party to attend there. I had a 4 week old baby myself and it was a red hot day. She decided to go on a bender and didn't turn up, poor stepchild was looking out for her car and sorting of jumping any time one the same colour came round the corner 😭. Step child was so upset they were missing their party (I didn't know where it was taking place!) I had to entertain them and take care of newborn for 2.5 hours to see whether she would eventually turn up. Eventually got in touch with her mother who can't drive and she said she could take step child but I would have to drive them all the way to their house 20 more miles that I barely knew how to get too. I did it as I felt so sorry for step child that had been so excited their mum was meeting to pick up as she never, ever does (should of realised it was too good to be true!).

Told the children that she hoped if I ever fell pregnant that the baby would die, then stood in court and lied and said that actually DH had said that to her about her impending offspring. 🙄

Copies literally everything we do, down to the takeaway we have eaten or the colour we have painted our house.

Tells the children that if they ever speak up to social services about how neglected they are, they will get taken in to care and never see their dad again. Threatens them that their dad wouldn’t get automatic custody(of course he would! It’s 45/55 already🙄) So of course, the many many times she’s been reported, the children just hide it.

Told one of the older children to sneak around at night and take any paperwork he could find with our information on it.

Called while we were in holiday and said would call social services unless we came home . When my parent died called and said how dare we turn off phone . Phoned at 3am in Xmas day and said to cancel son’s mobile phone .

I don't know if uts the worst thing but when SS was 3 or 4 he came out with 'remember when (me) kicked the door down at mummy's house?' Totally baffled we replied 'what? No that has never happened...where did you get that from?' And his reply was 'well thats what mummy says and thats why she's not allowed to come to mummy's house to pick me up anymore

Absolutely ridiculous!

Thankfully she has settled down and we don't have nonsense like that coming our way anymore!

Some of these are just awful.

DPs ex repeatedly told their DCs that he cheated on her and that he has other secret DCs conceived during their marriage.
If you knew him for even the shortest time you’d know just how ridiculous it is, if he’s not with his kids or asleep he’s working.

They’re old enough to see through her lies now, he doesn’t bother defending them but has asked the kids why he wouldn’t have introduced them to their imaginary siblings given that he sees one or other of them every day!

Strangely, she has since got back with her ex. They’d split because he cheated and got someone else pregnant. It’s only now dawned on DP that the accuser may well have been projecting.

Some of these are really sad and unfortunately it's the children that are harmed by the actions of their mothers.

@correctprocedure I'm feeling so bad reading them, the poor children. It's as though the DMs are complete blind to how it impacts the children. Or maybe they know but don't care....

I've had a few tough weeks with my DD and her mum and I thought it might help to know I wasn't alone, and maybe even get some funny stories. Too many sad situations though.....

A lighter story, DP's ex demanded a CSA review the minute I arrived as a higher earner, we didn't even live together at the time and not even in the same county! Luckily DP had a reduction in his overtime the year before so the CSA reduced his msintenance by £30 a month.

Still to this day she has an unhealthy interest in everything we spend our money on and is critical of this. (And so is SD) We both easily work 100 hours a week between us and she works 16 even though the youngest is now 17.

Used DSCs as a weapon just because she was bitter and needed to control everything.
Made vile comments when DH told her we were getting married and later when I was pregnant - he was trying to be courteous by telling her just before we told his DCs.
Reneged on repayment of a massive debt she owed DH.
Spent money given to DSCs by DH’s family - inheritances etc. He opened his own accounts for them pretty quickly after that!

Of all these, weaponising the children despite DH being a consistently brilliant dad has been the worst. It is unforgivable.

So many!
Told dss that his older half brother (on his dad's side) wasn't his brother, only his younger half brother (hers) was. When DH asked her about it, thinking dss must be confused she screamed at him in front of dss that it was true! Only her children would ever be his siblings!
Refused to let dss come and stay with us, would go out and hide when DH went to pick him up etc but then told dss his dad hadn't come, only had elder dss because he was the favourite
Screamed at me on my doorstep that I was trying to steal her son because I couldn't have kids of my own

We would arrange holiday dates with DP's ex over the summer or Easter sometimes
Half term and she would be awkward about the dates a couple of days before knowing her child was looking forward to it and blaming us for not giving her the dates. We missed a week in Spain as it was too late to cancel and she said we couldn't have the dates, next time she did it we told her we were going anyway and at 4am the day we were leaving she called to say SS could come after all.
She has been unforgivable in terms of name calling of my when SS was very young he would say things like my mummy says you are fat. My mummy says you took daddy away (I didn't) my mummy says girls are bitches (first time he met his new sister and my first child).
There are tons more, it's hard so very hard.
The worst was probably when he Christmas when we had driven over to pick up SS in the early evening as planned and ex decided he couldn't come to us as he hadn't seen her cousins? We sat in the car for an hour on xmas day waiting for the cousins to appear SS wanted to come with us and we ended up having to go home without him as didn't want to cause a scene. His poor little face crying to come and see his Dad and she was drunk and had her mother at the door shouting we had no right to take SS despite it all being arranged.
The money for uniform and clothes going on her new kids. We took SS for school shoes as didn't trust her not buy shit and he has a poor instep, she returned them to Clark's and got a refund without a receipt?? and bought supermarket trainers for all three of her kids.
There's so many micro issues like that you have to try and ignore and it's so hard.
She is a woman not to be crossed even by her own son, he asked to stay more with us which we were happy for and she emotionally manipulated him all the time.

Reading this stories ...so many shocking things. So often with the DCs suffering most.

I do wonder how many of these exes were pretty unstable or unpleasant to start with or whether their extreme behaviours have been prompted by the split.

Good question @MeridianB
I also have a DD who spends a couple of nights a week with her dad and DSM. I now have no contact with the DSM whatsoever but do t personally like her (she was the OW), I go out my way to make sure my DD isn't impacted by this and she's not aware of any of this but I'd love to hear what her DSM thinks of me and how she'd describe it!

Screamed at me when we dropped dss back as I was sat in the front (as apparently it's her kings place).

She been absolutely awful to dh to the point he's been arrested for lies that's she told. The police have told her that she will be arrested for anymore false accusations as the lies have been proven to be lies.

I hate what she does to dss. The manipulation, the lies, the things she says to him are damaging. The front seat thing - she told dss that dh would rather he died in a car crash then me as the front seat is the safer seat.. he's 7 and shouldn't be in the front fgs. Im surprised dss still likes me!

She's obviously mentally unwell, she can go from shouting and screaming to singing happy birthday to dh and buying me mother days presents for dss to give to me. If my relationship with dh wasn't worth it I'd have jogged on long ago.

Well I’m not with my ex anymore, but when I was with him his ex wife said some fucking awful things to and about me. She’s partly the reason why I’m no longer with him.

She told me I was stupid for having another baby, all because my ex chose not to pay her the £15 her promised for their child’s bus fare. I get she was cross, but that’s a sick twisted thing to say and her anger should have been directed at him.

She said “yeah yeah go and ask the boss.” to my ex when he went to check if I had made plans involving their child during half term, as their child was here that week and she wanted to pinch her for the day.
I should have said yes I do have plans but they don’t involve dsc. And seen her reaction to that one! Damned if I do and damned if I don’t.

She somehow found out the percentage of my child’s school attendance one year and made some stupid Facebook status about how unfair it is that her child got a fine and mine didn’t. My child was off school various times over the course of the year for illnesses. Her child went on holiday for 2 weeks straight with ex’s family. I only knew about it because some of ex’s family had her on there otherwise I would have been none the wiser.
Everything to do with my children was none of her bloody business, especially information on their end of year school report and other confidential information. I’m sure she wouldn’t have been happy if I’d have managed to get information about her younger child’s report, because it’s none of my business. So the same applies to her with my children! The only reason I knew the information on her eldest’s report was because her eldest was my dsc.

Just a couple of examples of the shit I had to deal with courtesy of her.

Where do I start? DH and I have been together 13 years now. Dh's ex was horrendous for around 8/9 years, and is now just mildy bitter and bitchy. I want to stress I waited over 2 year before meeting dsd too. She literally told DH should would 'destroy him'. We got the police involved and now have no contact. Dsd is 17 now so everything is organised through her.

1. told dsd (then 4 or 5) I had stole her dad. Also that her dad had stolen items from their house when he moved out and took bags of his clothes and an old bed frame. She still now, today, tells anyone who will listen that I stole him and am the worst person alive in the world

2. told dsd her surname would be changing to ex's maiden name. We had to go to court as hadn't given permission for this. Dsd wrote her new surname on school books, clothing etc and it was awfully confusing

3. constantly cancelled and chopped/changed contact. Would tell dsd dad had cancelled on her when she knew he was out with me (on a non contact night)

4. when dsd was with us, ex wouild phone up constantly demanding information such as where dsd was sitting at the dining table. She was not, under any circumstances, allowed to sit next to me or she was f*ing kill me. I was not allowed to answer the door to our home if dsd was dropped off or dsd would be taken back. She told Dsd I was dangerous and she wasn't to play with me. That was awful as Dsd and I got on really well.

5. when we bought a house together and were taking dsd to see it she said 'mummy' s already showed me the house on the ipad. She's told me which bedroom is going to be mine'

6. when our DD was born, dsd was only to refer to the baby as 'that child' because 'she'd be treated like jesus or something and would get all the attention'

7. she spread awful rumours about my lovely parents in law in order to 'destroy' DH

8. contacted our employer to say we should be sacked as DH is a cradle snatcher (I'm 18 years younger) and it was not appropriate for us to be together

9. when DD was born she was one of the first to phone the hospital to give a sinister and sarcastic congratulations. No idea how she knew DD had been born.

10. would send us messages saying she knew where we were

11. if dh and I were having a weekend away, she'd phone constantly

12. would text Dsd asking for info about our house/wedding/holidays. Dsd would often take videos and photos of our house and life 'to show mummy'

Ex wife is a head teacher and the way she manipulated her daughter in the early years was truly awful. Especially for someone in that profession.

Dropped the DSC off at the maternity hospital whilst I was giving birth because it was DH's weekend. Then left them with us for his entire 2 weeks of paternity leave because it's supposed to be used to look after your kids....

Many many years later she threw her daughter out because she affected her benefits and then disowned her because she got pregnant at 20 (no partner involved) (daughter moved in with us). Once baby was here she realised daughter was claiming benefits, encouraged her 'home to mum who would teach her to look after baby properly' and ended up reporting her own daughter to social work. SDD ended up losing access to her own child for a period of time.

We now have DSS with us permanently because he always said he was moving out of hers the day he turned 16.

Since then he's had no Xmas or birthday cards/gifts, not even for his 18th. He has very limited contact with her because she doesn't respond to his texts/calls.

Mine used to do stuff that could be described away as a bit strange but nothing more sinister - she would never agree to drive to collect / deliver the children but when a letter arrived to her house addressed to her and my DP she drove all the way to hand deliver it to me. It turned out to be a letter from their DD's he didn't need as they had discussed it on the phone that day and he had been emailed a copy. Or she would tell the children she invited me or both of us to their events but I said I wasn't interested (I would be completely in the dark).

There were plenty of these minor incidences and when I'd mention it he would say she was trying to wind me up. I thought he was being ridiculous - I laughed and said that he was being a typical man convinced that women are bitchy and always competing for status or whatever. His ex never stopped bossing him but I stayed out of it as much as possible; not my circus. She was really upright and awkward around me but that was fine too, who wants to be friends with the next partner?

Then she started dropping things to the house; a laptop, memory drive saying there were photos of the kids my DP might like on them. I was getting irritated with him allowing her drop things off as I was on a cleanup mission and asked him why he hadn't taken the photos off. He ignored the devices then just delivered them back to her office saying he didn't want them.

He would often say to me - you don't know what she's like, this is all about control. Ignore all this stuff, don't fall for it. I thought he was being totally ridiculous, the woman just wanted everyone to move on.

In the background his ex was developing a close friendship with his sister that reportedly had never been there before and getting very involved with his family. This bothered my DP but it's a free world.

We were in the process of buying a house. All of a sudden we reached an impasse. We needed a document from the ex (regarding shared property) and she wouldn't supply it. She wouldn't answer calls and employed various delaying tactics. The owner threatened to cancel the sale. I bumped into her and tried to explain (I assumed there was some sort of misunderstanding). She laughed. I was speechless.

After the devices had been returned without a reaction, envelopes began being delivered with the children. They contained very intimate or romantic photos. I was gutted when I saw them. Then the text messages began - any excuse to make up accusations or tell me my DP would never move on from her.

Horrible lies were fed through his family and came back to me. Thankfully i knew them to be untrue as the facts didn't add up but she could have sowed some doubt if circumstances had been different.

I told her to stay away unless there was an emergency with the children and I blocked her.

DP continued to ignore her.

Then the (teenage) children began to throw accusations at him; why did he not pay maintenance, why was he making plans to emigrate with me leaving them behind, why had he been unfaithful. All lies, each and everyone of them.

We are getting married next year (delayed due to multiple factors) and I expect a ramp-up of disruption from her in the lead-up to the date. When our child was born, she made sure the weekend (I had a planned C-section so gave her the date in advance) had everyone running around after her.

She ended the marriage and has a new partner. There were no infidelities. She doesn't want him back afaik. I reckon she just needs to believe that everything spins around her.

Light hearted?
Kids told to not call me by my name and instead by a previous girlfriends name who she is now friends with. (Children were oblivious to this relationship)
Children also are not allowed to call their dad "dad" as that title is only for mums boyfriend.
To not trust food I give them
That my food is horrid and mummy cooks so much better, this is said as the children ask for third helpings and to take brownies/cakes/anything I make for them to take some home with them... which is thrown in the bin by mum immediately on their arrival home. Lost a lot of tupperware that way so now its put in takeaway containers.
To go through my clothes and handbags.
To remove money and cards from my bag and hide them.
To look through my phone to find god knows what.
To lock me out of the house I now have my keys on me at all times even to put something in the wheelie bin.
Youngest told that if they're alone with me in public to run away and scream stranger danger and to find a security guard. Children look nothing like me so this could be believed.
That I'm not even in a relationship with their father that I'm a paid actress (the word the children used was not actress)
That items in my house are fine to break because "mum says we're guests and you can't be mad at guests."

More sinister
To kick/punch me in the stomach just in case.
That I have been abusive.
That they're scared of my dog and its attacked them ... my family dog does not live with us resulting in the Police coming out to be baffled as why there was no dog at the property which the neighbours verified. The children have only ever seen photos of my dog as it lives with my mum and dad.
To call the Police at every pick up of the children. Now I have to record everything.
The children scripted every time there is involvement of social services. Which every social worker picks up on but nothing is ever done about.
To stop contact every few months for no reason to then start again within a month. We get 12 months of contact before we end up dragging her back to court.
During lockdown children were not allowed to come for their weekends with us as mum was shielding and only allowed indirect contact once a fortnight. The children were told to be silent on the video calls and to put the phone down. At first it was just a regular phone call as mum wouldnt allow video calls. The Children have now told us that they weren't even in the room at the time only when their dad insisted it was a video call would they actually be in the room but remained silent and put the phone down.

These are just the ones off the top of my head 😅

Jesus some of these are so so sad. I have no idea how mothers can behave like that they are emotionally abusing children.
Different scenario but I had a mother who lied all the time and I grew up not knowing anything even know having to answer questions from doctors about family history I can’t tell them because I don’t know the truth or a lie. Poor kids, least they have fabulous step mums who genuinely want the best for them, I’d want that for my kids