WTAF

[SpongebobNoPants]

Look I know there’s nothing I can do about it and it’s not my business... I’m purely posting to vent because I’m about to explode.
I have to SDs and their stupid fucking irresponsible mum has this week bought a piercing gun which has resulted in us picking up the kids aged 11 & 16 to find they have several new piercings including multiple ear piercings and the 16 year old as pierced her nose.

The 11 year old has also got eyelash extensions and fake tan on. I’m actually embarrassed for her, she’s 11 but is tiny and very underdeveloped so looks much younger... you’d probably think she was 8/9 years old if you met her.
DP wants us all to go for a walk but being truthful I don’t want to go out with them because people assume I’m their mum and quite frankly the youngest looks like a hooker.

Flame me for this, I don’t care. I’m mortified and don’t want people judging me thinking I allow any child of mine to be presented like that.

She’s also wearing a bralet top and the eldest has the tightest leggings on where you can actually see her thong.

I’m not going out with them.

Fair enough. Guess you did say it was a vent post. I would not want to be in your position, their position or your partner's position. Good luck?

I wouldn't walk out with them either, I hate to see young girls wearing tatt, and having many piercings, but if their Mother allows it, there is not much you can do about their home life.

In an ideal world girls should be able to wear whatever they want without attracting unwanted attention or danger, but the reality is very very different unfortunately

They can wear what they want. It's you that has the problem with it - you're using words like 'whore' and 'slut' when you describe them. That speaks volumes about how you view other women who make different choices in life to you, who have had different opportunities, who have had different experiences and influences. I agree with those saying that this is not about what they wear but about ensuring that they have secure boundaries and positive relationships with adults who will listen and support them if necessary.

Women don't get raped because they are wearing a short skirt and high heels or because they had one too many or have slept with 300 men in a short time scale, they get raped because they have the misfortune to come across a rapist. Don't be an apologist. Paedophiles, abusive peers, those who commit domestic violence are all responsible for their behaviour, not the girls or women they take advantage of, rape and abuse.

@Watchingbehindmyhands I never used the word whore. I also never called them sluts, I said their clothing is slutty. Which it is.

I also want to categorical state that I don’t people get raped because of what they wear and I haven’t said anything of the sort on this thread or anywhere else.
I stated that children dressing in a way which is older and more sexualised can result in them being subject to unwanted attention which they are too emotionally immature to cope with.

@Watchingbehindmyhands - thank you for your post. A voice of reason. The sexist language and victim blaming on this thread is disgusting.

@SpongebobNoPants - would you ever describe male clothes as slutty, or a male looking like a hooker. Of course you wouldn’t because language like that is only ever thrown at women to degrade them. To say your SD’s dress inappropriately for their ages, fine. To say it makes them look slutty/like hookers, really gross.

@TitusPullo
Who has victim blamed? What on earth on you on about???

@SpongebobNoPants - the idea that what you wear puts you in danger is victim blaming. That’s what an earth I’m on about . I didn’t say you had said it.

@TitusPullo yes I would. If a bloke was walking around in leggings that clearly showed his penis I would repulsed.
Generally men’s clothing isn’t designed to be sexual, it’s deep rooted sexualisation of women which stems from a wider history of misogyny... but that’s an entirely different topic.

I don’t like seeing my SDs dressed with their bottoms hanging out of their shorts or in bralet tops. It’s unnecessary and quite frankly it looks hideous

Clothing for minor children is a judgement call made by the parents. It is unfortunate that the mom chooses to have her children dressed in a overly sexualized manner; however your partner can dictate what they wear when going out with him. If he cannot be bothered , then there is nothing much that you can do.

You can tell your partner that his youngest daughter's clothing choices make you uncomfortable and that you would prefer that they go out without you. This may limit your participation in some activities, but it will not prohibit them from doing things together.

You cannot impose your values or taste on others, but you can refrain from participating in outings when you feel uncomfortable.

[quote TitusPullo]@Watchingbehindmyhands - thank you for your post. A voice of reason. The sexist language and victim blaming on this thread is disgusting.[/quote]
The language the OP uses about her SDs is disgusting. I'm glad someone said it.

@TitusPullo so you don’t think sexualised clothing attracts attention from men, whether invited or unwanted?
Of course it does. It’s sad that it does but it absolutely does.

Are you in the UK OP? She must be freezing!

Yes @NewScone we’re in the U.K.
Like I said earlier, their clothing choices are not only inappropriate for their ages but for the weather most of the time.

@SpongebobNoPants - I think that men who are going to leer at young girls or worse will do it regardless. I’ve seen it. Girls wrapped up in winter coats being catcalled, beep at etc. Disgusting men will be disgusting, it’s not up to society to police women’s clothing we should be policing men’s sense of entitlement to comment.

quite frankly the youngest looks like a hooker

Apologies. Not whore. Hooker.

it’s not up to society to police women’s clothing we should be policing men’s sense of entitlement to comment

Precisely.

I saw a girl in the park today who had so much fake tan on she looked a different ethnicity. Not that it's bad to look such a way, but she must have to apply loads all the time and it must be sooo expensive. She was older though, almost an adult so fair enough it just blows my mind that people spend so much time and money to look so different so how they naturally look. You can easily look gorgeous with minimal effort especially when you're young but yeah I agree when you're actually still a child it's a shame to see them trying to have sex appeal when none of them even understand anything about adult relationships.

[quote TitusPullo]@SpongebobNoPants - I think that men who are going to leer at young girls or worse will do it regardless. I’ve seen it. Girls wrapped up in winter coats being catcalled, beep at etc. Disgusting men will be disgusting, it’s not up to society to police women’s clothing we should be policing men’s sense of entitlement to comment.[/quote]

Of course more men are going to leer at a girl wearing a bra top or leggings showing a thong rather than a girl covered up with a long padded coat.

No one should police women's clothes but absolutely they should police childrens' clothes.

Absolutely I agree.
But the way they dress is embarrassing to me and I strongly dislike it.
11 years (in my humble opinion) should not be wearing a full face of make up including eyelashes and provocative clothing.

Sorry I meant an 11 year old

I wouldn’t go out with them and I’d tell them clearly and calmly that you’re not going out with them while they are dressed so inappropriately. And tell your DP too. He sounds like a really lazy and weak parent and his attitude towards this issue would repel me. Sadly with two poor parents there is nothing you as their step mother can do for them so I would go down the route of self preservation and stay well away from them in public...I’d be mortified too. It might sound harsh but perhaps they need to see a strong reaction to their outfits to help them realise quite how inappropriate they are because their parents are failing to do that job.

No one should police women's clothes but absolutely they should police childrens' clothes
Exactly

Children’s clothing is not provocative. If a man is attracted to a child because of what they wear, they need to take a long hard look at themselves. Children’s clothing should be appropriate for the temperature which granted the OP’s SD’s clothing did not sound, but to call a child’s clothing provocative is really disgusting. OP you obviously aren’t going to get it. You obviously do not have a great relationship with your SD’s but you really should reflect about how you speak about them, they are children after all.

Children’s clothing is not provocative.

Not seen some of the threads on here then where posters show some outrageous clothing sold for children? Provocative is the wrong word because of course no perv should be attracted to a child, but totally inappropriate children's clothing does exist.