WTAF

[SpongebobNoPants]

Look I know there’s nothing I can do about it and it’s not my business... I’m purely posting to vent because I’m about to explode.
I have to SDs and their stupid fucking irresponsible mum has this week bought a piercing gun which has resulted in us picking up the kids aged 11 & 16 to find they have several new piercings including multiple ear piercings and the 16 year old as pierced her nose.

The 11 year old has also got eyelash extensions and fake tan on. I’m actually embarrassed for her, she’s 11 but is tiny and very underdeveloped so looks much younger... you’d probably think she was 8/9 years old if you met her.
DP wants us all to go for a walk but being truthful I don’t want to go out with them because people assume I’m their mum and quite frankly the youngest looks like a hooker.

Flame me for this, I don’t care. I’m mortified and don’t want people judging me thinking I allow any child of mine to be presented like that.

She’s also wearing a bralet top and the eldest has the tightest leggings on where you can actually see her thong.

I’m not going out with them.

What's the age limit for piercings?
Not the point I know. Also I'd be worried in case they didn't know how to look after them properly.

Anyway, I guess it's up to their parents but it's hard when they make different choices in parenting than we as step parents would.

And it's your choice to go for a walk or not.

There no age limit, people get their babies ears pierced 🤷🏻‍♀️

Oh dear. Poor you. Ignore the outside....are they kind, polite and helpful? If so hold your head up high and walk with them. Just don't comment on their looks unless asked. I wouldn't choose it either but tan fades and eyelashes come off.

Wtf was she thinking. Fml. Poor kids.

The way they dress / present themselves has always been a point of contention for me because they present themselves in a very overtly sexual manner and have always been allowed to dress and wear make up which is too old for them.
The 16 year old... it’s not really an issue anymore because she is older and can choose her own style, it’s not my taste and I wouldn’t be happy if my daughter dressed the way she does but SD16 old enough to make those decisions for herself.

The 11 year old should absolutely not be allowed to leave the house wearing what she does. Not only are her outfits completely inappropriate for her age but often for the weather too. She’s half naked most of the time, even if there’s frost outside.

I bumped into her whilst doing a socially distanced walk with my friend and her dogs and I was embarrassed of what she was wearing. My friend even commented saying “bloody hell, did she leave half her outfit at home?”

I know I’m awful for thinking this but they honestly dress like strippers half of the time.

I’d stay at home too, Sponge.

I think you’re right that many people would look at what you’ve described and think it’s horrible and definitely assume you’re their mother. What has their dad said?

This is so much worse than them looking stupid or inappropriate - it’s a message to them that they need all this junk to be beautiful aged 11 and 16. ☹️

Ignore the outside....are they kind, polite and helpful?
Nope.

I see what you mean.

Piercings are not something to be done at home unless the person is experienced, as it can result in an infection.

11 is too young IMO for the fake eyelashes. I don't know what the rush to grow up is and parents encouraging it.

16..I guess is old enough for the multiple ear piercings, but I personally hate nose piercings. No offence to anyone who has one, but I just don't like the look of them.

My DD20 has said she likes them and is old enough to do it, but she knows I hate them and so does DH, so she won't do it.

@gettingfedupagain

There no age limit, people get their babies ears pierced 🤷🏻‍♀️

Ah, fair enough. She's done nothing wrong then. Though it's not a choice I'd make for my children but then other people might love it.

Your OP should be making sure they are dressed appropriately but then if he doesn't care how they are dressed then again that's up to him.

This is so much worse than them looking stupid or inappropriate - it’s a message to them that they need all this junk to be beautiful aged 11 and 16

They are exceptionally beautiful girls too. Very pretty little faces. I seem to be the only person who worries about how they dress, particularly with the younger one. I’m concerned her revealing outfits are going to attract attention she isn’t yet capable or emotionally mature enough to bat away.

In an ideal world girls should be able to wear whatever they want without attracting unwanted attention or danger, but the reality is very very different unfortunately

I would probably stay at home too. Or go with them and loudly ask them about their mum everytime someone approached us.

And to be blunt... I’m embarrassed of how they look a lot of the time

Could your OP buy clothes for the youngest to wear while she is with you?

OH sorry

The 11 year old should absolutely not be allowed to leave the house wearing what she does.

So why does your husband let her?

Exactly. Why aren’t they enough as they are. Why the rush to make an 11 yo look older and ‘sexy’?

Fake tan and false eyelashes? Here’s me assuming the most an 11 yo knew about make up was a bit of tinted lip balm and some glitter nail polish. 😟

@NewScone we’ve tried that. I know DP hates the way they dress too but he isn’t that bothered.
I am though. People side eye them when they walk past and you can see people judging them.
I don’t blame them, I’m obviously judging the way they dress too.

The youngest will wear tiny hot pants (even in December) with these large oversized hoodies so you can’t see her shorts and it basically looks like she’s half naked. I’ve seen people double take looks at her and raise eyebrows. It’s absolutely mortifying

@JackieWeaverIsTheAuthority God knows. We’ve argued about it lots of times.
I’m very blunt and say when I think it’s inappropriate to my DP.
But if he doesn’t really see it as a concern, and their mum is actively encouraging it then what can I do.
It’s not really my problem is it, except for when I’m embarrassed of them dressing like they’re on a beach in Ibiza when we’re in a park in the U.K. in February 😂

I hate to say it but if I saw you out with your step daughters dressed as you describe I'd judge you. Why on earth does their dad allowe it? Stay home.

Ahh that is hard then as it's up to him.
I think I would make very clear that he knows they get looks and tell him your concerns and then as hard as it is just have to try and detach from the issue. And if you refuse to go out for a walk tell him it's because of all the looks they get. Hard if you care about them I know.

Here’s me assuming the most an 11 yo knew about make up was a bit of tinted lip balm and some glitter nail polish.

Are you joking? They all have tiktok and Instagram these days. Following the likes of Ariana grande (fake tan by the trowel) and cardi B. And even if they aren’t, their friends are and they’re emulating it.

but he isn’t that bothered.

They have 2 crappy parents then.
If I were you I’d stay at home and let them go for a walk without you.
You sound very caring - they are lucky that you’re there

@Usagi12 oh so would I! I would automatically think why on earth have they let those children dress like that???!
SD11 weirdly looks very much like my children (they are not genetically related). We are all blonde haired, blue eyed, fair skin etc so people just assume she’s my child too.

[quote SpongebobNoPants]@JackieWeaverIsTheAuthority God knows. We’ve argued about it lots of times.
I’m very blunt and say when I think it’s inappropriate to my DP.
But if he doesn’t really see it as a concern, and their mum is actively encouraging it then what can I do.
It’s not really my problem is it, except for when I’m embarrassed of them dressing like they’re on a beach in Ibiza when we’re in a park in the U.K. in February 😂[/quote]
Cross Post.

Sounds like you've done all you can apart from maybe tell them directly why you won't go for a walk with them.

If it bothers you this much then step back from being out with them and make it clear to DP why. If he does not attempt to address the issue then you are obviously not on the same page and there are bigger issues afoot.