WTAF

[SpongebobNoPants]

Look I know there’s nothing I can do about it and it’s not my business... I’m purely posting to vent because I’m about to explode.
I have to SDs and their stupid fucking irresponsible mum has this week bought a piercing gun which has resulted in us picking up the kids aged 11 & 16 to find they have several new piercings including multiple ear piercings and the 16 year old as pierced her nose.

The 11 year old has also got eyelash extensions and fake tan on. I’m actually embarrassed for her, she’s 11 but is tiny and very underdeveloped so looks much younger... you’d probably think she was 8/9 years old if you met her.
DP wants us all to go for a walk but being truthful I don’t want to go out with them because people assume I’m their mum and quite frankly the youngest looks like a hooker.

Flame me for this, I don’t care. I’m mortified and don’t want people judging me thinking I allow any child of mine to be presented like that.

She’s also wearing a bralet top and the eldest has the tightest leggings on where you can actually see her thong.

I’m not going out with them.

@TitusPullo a lot of what they wear isn’t children’s clothing. It’s adult clothing. Designed to be provocative in style.

Actually none of what SD16 wears is children’s clothing.
SD11 buys a lot of women’s size 4 / 6

Of course more men are going to leer at a girl wearing a bra top or leggings showing a thong rather than a girl covered up with a long padded coat.

Worst sexual harassment I got as a child was in school uniform. And my uniform was exactly to the school specs.

We blame clothes or behaviour for WAG but it's not about that.

Im known for calling a spade a spade so think i would just be telling them i dont want to be seen in public with them until they dress appropriately...someone needs to do something...it must be hard seeing people pass judgement when they are out and about...

This is the same top SD11 is wearing today. And little cotton hot pants. Admittedly she put leggings and a jacket on to go for the walk with her dad but it was unzipped.
It is not appropriate for her age at all.

The way you talk about women is misogynistic and vile. That's what you should be embarrassed about.

It's disingenuous of you to claim that stating their attire will "attract danger" is not victim blaming.

I have a DD12 and most girls around that age around our area are dressed in the same items of clothing you have said baggy hoodies cycling shorts hot pants and leggings, but more in the spring and summer more than any other style, also body piercing seems to be a big thing too around that age and are getting multiple ear piercings, nose and belly while my personal thoughts on it with my dd are as-long as you can’t see any private areas I’m happy to purchase it for her, their parents obviously pay for these items or piercing so it’s really none of my business and some of these girls are great I certainly don’t judge them on how they chose to dress but I do judge the parents to some degree when I see a young girl with half her bottom on show or can see straight though her bra let with no bra on underneath and why these parents are not discussing these things with their children but it definitely is the ‘in style’ around here for the past two three years, winter is all together different subject parents should be having with their children.
I don’t let how Dd’s Friends are dressed and what others may think stop me from joining them outside either (before covid)

@user18467425798532 I’m not victim blaming, they are not victims of anything.
But their clothing attracts attention which is unnecessary and not even because people are leering at them, because people are judging them. And me as they assume I’m their mother.

The way you talk about women is misogynistic and vile
They are not women. They are children, one of which is still very young and should not be wearing the clothes she is wearing as they are designed for adult women with adult bodies.
It looks so wrong on a child.

You said her clothes make her look slutty and cheap. That's not an appropriate way to talk about a girl or a woman. And if she put leggings and a jacket on I'm not sure what the problem is?

With or without the discussion of whether their clothes attract male attention or not...

If your DP isn’t bothered about how they dress then honestly there isn’t much you can do other than be direct with him and say I’m embarrassed by the thought that people will assume I allow my children to dress like they do.

It’s going to hurt his feelings but that happens in relationships sometimes.

If he is bothered then he could simply say to the youngest put jeans / leggings and a hoodie on when we go for a walk and when she undoes her top with a bra on show then he tells her to do it up. He is the parent, she is not even a teen yet. There is no discussion in our house, if DSD are inappropriately dressed they get told to get back upstairs and change.

They can wear what they like in the house and at mums but we dress appropriately for the weather and occasion when we go in public.
Style not bothered - be a goth if you like - but you’re not having your arse cheeks hanging out. End of discussion.

16 y/o is different but If I were her dad I would still ask for her to wear appropriate clothes for the weather at least

I do agree that using language like “slutty” isn’t right.

But I also do agree that there are age appropriate styles.

Perhaps you need to rethink this one. You think they are dressed inappropriately for their age. You don’t need to add the misogynistic slurs.

@Lynora it does. It looks awful and people literally double take when they see her in these revealing clothes. She’s trying to present herself as someone much older but doesn’t have the maturity to be able to deal with the consequences of that.
The jacket was unzipped so she was still walking around in what is essentially a bra. It was still inappropriate and I would still have been embarrassed to go out with her dressed like that.

Their dad needs to step up and parent. It shouldn't have to be up to you to worry about this stuff. I have a step daughter and sometimes I have to prod her dad to do things - a recent one was when she was up on her phone until all hours waking us up. I felt he should be the one to talk to her about the phone (and eventually take it off her when she continued to do it). It's difficult being a step parent. The bio-parent needs to take the lead (I feel anyway).

He just needs to say it's too bloody cold for them not to put a layer on. Doesn't have to comment on the clothes or anything like that.
Could you buy them a couple of hoodies they choose and really like to stick on when they go out for walks for next time?

@2020iscancelled my DP doesn’t see the problem with how she’s dressed, it’s me that has the issue.
I can’t tell him how to parent his children but I can say I’m not going out with them if they’re not dressed appropriately.

But their clothing attracts attention which is unnecessary and not even because people are leering at them, because people are judging them

So what? Why does what we wear have to be policed? I do take the point about the difference between policing what adults and children wear and at 11, she's perhaps just on the cusp of it being OK to make her own choices, but really? What does it matter what others think? If I saw a girl in hot pants in this weather I would inwardly laugh my head off about how cold she must feel and how daft she is being for the sake of teenage 'fashion'. It wouldn't occur to me to consider she was dressing 'like a hooker' or 'slutty'. And I would inwardly admire the mother for just letting it go and letting her learn her own lessons. Because I can see she's a child and is behaving like one, albeit one with her own daft mind which will likely change one day. And if it doesn't? So what? None of that makes her slutty or a hooker, does it?

@user18467425798532..
Op is talking about a child?
Very strange outlook you have on this situation

@CantBeAssed - the Op is using very adult misogynistic language to refer to children. I think the OP’s deeply entrenched views about women and young girls is the only strange think here.

I’ve been there too but thankfully it was only occasionally but dared not say a word about it as I got a sulky teen and an over protective dad to put up with all weekend. Now she’s 19 he has more of a problem with it and hates going out alone with her. Now I can actually say to her “ we’re going out for a coffee, are you coming? By the way you look like a hooker”.

@Witchymclovely I do have the sort of relationship where I can tease and playfully make comments to the girls without them being offended.
We have a really good relationship.
I said to the eldest last weekend “bloody hell are you off to the beach” she just smirked and said “you’re so embarrassing”.
But ultimately I can’t tell them what they can or cannot wear like I can with my own daughter

No you can’t tell them and is it worth the aggro. It’s nice that you get on though. I can’t stand the shorts where their arse is falling out the bottom. And then you see middle aged men eyeing them up, my H hates it which actually entertains me now.

God it's all a bit Jodie Foster in Taxi Driver isn't it.

Sounds very grim and I wouldn't go out with them dressed so inappropriately. If they were boys it would be bloody inappropriate.
And the weather!

YANBU.

And as far as the complaints about using the word 'hooker' what word should be used?

Hahahaha I assumed it was AIBU!

And as far as the complaints about using the word 'hooker' what word should be used?

To describe an 11 yo? Inappropriate, possibly. Rather than any word for a second worker at all.

Sex worker FFS