Well we are finally getting divorced

[Londono]

I'm a stepmother and DH and I, after a very up and down relationship, are getting divorced.

My DSD is now an adult but I am reflecting on the issues DH and I had in our first 10 years of our relationship which have played out across our broader relationship even when DSD went off to uni.

One of the things that is playing on my mind is how, when DS was a newborn baby and I had had an emergency c-section and lost a lot of blood - when I came home from hospital, young teen DSD was there for three weeks in a row. DH and his ex usually did week on/week off and with the half term being ours it meant we had her for three full weeks. I hadn't wanted this but DH had refused to change the arrangement.

There is obviously a huge amount more to the dynamic between the three of us and why DH and I are now splitting, but I'm just wondering if I was being unreasonable at the time? Now I'm older I think I clearly needed time to bond with my firstborn without always having to put DH and DSD first.

Will you now want him to prioritise your joint child or do you think his new partner (when he gets one) should come first as you wanted to? I somehow predict you will want your child’s needs to come first.

The most important lesson I think any responsible parent can teach their child is to understand that the world does not revolve around them. They categorically do not always come first and that there are times in life when we need to think about other people’s needs. It teaches children empathy, humility and a fundamental lesson in not making everything about them.

Bluntly? If parents aren’t teaching the above? Then I think that’s an epic parenting fail right there.