Maybe I'm being unreasonable...

[TheBloodyDoorKnob]

We have DSC 50:50, 4 nights one week, 3 the next although it always ends up being more one way or the other. I can't remember the last time we actually had them 3 nights in a week, it is always either 4 or 5 typically.

Basically whenever we seem to have any free time, DH is always asking if the kids can come round, can they come for tea, can they stay and extra night etc...

AIBU to wish that just sometimes we could actually have time together when they were supposed to be with their Mum? She always bites his hand off at any request so it's always agreed.

For example, this week they were with us Mon-Fri, picked up by mum on Friday from school. And he's already asked if he can have them tonight too. I never get a say or asked. He apparently doesn't like them not being here on a weekend, feels wrong etc...

I don't kick up a fuss, I never make the kids feel unwelcome but just sometimes I wish we could actually stick to the arrangement so I know when and where they are going to be.

You just have to figure out if this is how you want to live.

This is absolutely correct.

You say the kids are quite young, so this isn't ending anytime soon.

Life's way too short to be in this situation on a daily basis.

I agree with a pp in that it sounds like he doesn't really want to spend time with you. I mean parents who ate together like a break from their joint kids.

Consider if you want this for the next 10 years or so.

@Tiredoftattler

Your posts while direct and to the point are true IMO.

He has made his position clear. He's not going to change and he makes the OP feel bad for raising the issue.

It's like flogging a dead horse. Nothing will change, unless you make the changes because HE will not.

You know this isn't making you happy.
You know he's not willing to change.

So you stay and continue to be unhappy.
Or leave. Leaving requires planning and it will have financial implications, but the alternative isn't good.

You need to look out for yourself. It's obvious he doesn't consider your feelings and has minimal respect for you. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

If on the other hand you just created the thread to offload and have no intention of doing anything to change the situation, that's your choice.

You can only control your actions. He has made his position clear as Tat said.

Leave, because this will be even more of a nightmare if you have your own.

Because it won't suddenly be that he shifts priority to give your baby the same consideration, and you as a mother. No - it'll be that you, the one he can take for granted and shit all over because he lives with you, who will still be last on the list.

Only you'll then be last on the list with a baby he can't commit to prioritising either.

Leave!

This would be a deal breaker to me. You are not being treated as an equal partner at all.

I'd spell it out, boundaries, routine and being consulted or relationship over.