I'm a wicked step mother because...

[FleaBagLarry]

There have been a few refreshing threads on here recently where some of us have been a bit more honest about how we actually feel!

In light of this, in what ways are you the stereotypical 'evil step mother'?

It got me thinking before, in my case, I'm the evil step mother because my DSC are isolating for 2 weeks and as much as we get on, I'm bloody enjoying the break! I'm looking forward to it being over for DHs sake but for me selfishly, it's been quite nice having a couple of weeks to ourselves. (We usually have the DC 50:50).

I know it's absolutely appalling that I haven't been sat in a darkened room sobbing the entire time! So shoot me 🤷

No one has Covid, no one is ill, just isolating before anyone suggests I don't care they are poorly.

I'm a wicked stepmother because:

I wouldn't let them name their sister.

I won't have another baby two months after losing my daughter, just to please them.

Scotch pancakes are not dinner. Likewise angel delight.

I won't let the 9 year old have a phone, ipad or laptop in her bedroom. Likewise acrylic nails, lash extensions or, ffs, teeth whitening. Thanks a bunch, Cool School Friend's Mum, you're not making this shit any easier!

They can't have a puppy. We have two dogs.

My Ultimate Cardinal Sin. I have once (yes, yes, yes, I KNOW) admitted to the elder one (when pushed) that I think their mother is a bad parent, and that her actions have let the children down hugely. Unforgivable, I know, but In my defence, after a year of dealing with police, social services and ongoing abuse, we now have court ordered custody with the full support of social services request, and she's under police investigation for frankly disgusting crimes and neglect, so I feel justified to take that view. Admittedly, shouldn't have voiced it to a 15 year old. But I stand by it. She IS a bad parent 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm a very wicked stepmother -

I wouldn't let them have final decision on naming their sister (my daughter) who they subsequently refused to acknowledge for the three years of her life
I refused to host Christmas day in our house on the understanding that they 'might show up at some stage depending on how they felt'. I told them that was fine and joined other family members of mine far away
I no longer care if they come to our wedding or not and am not including them in the planning

I’m an evil stepmother in pretty much every way:

• I don’t miss them when they’re not here. In fact, I positively enjoy the lack of stress that comes with them not being here.
• The DSC didn’t come to our wedding either. It was a tiny affair (just us, the baby and witnesses). And, actually, DSD would have been extremely upset and purposefully ruined the day because she’s angry that it means her parents will never get back together. But it’s not a kindness to have spared her that. No. It’s evil and exclusionary.
• I refuse to allow DSD to decide what we have for every meal. In fact, I don’t ask any of the kids (because I’m not running a restaurant). I just plan a nutritious meal based on what ingredients I’ve got in. Sometimes (often, because DSD only likes junk food) it will be something they’re not entirely keen on. Sometimes it’ll be macaroni cheese though (which DH and his kids love, but my DSes and I just endure). The DSC will still make a fuss and not eat it because that’s what happens.
• I don’t think of the DSC as ‘my children’. I never will. In fact, I do prefer my own children and always will. I can’t help it; I am their mother.
• I think the DSC should be expected to behave in our house and I don’t want them playing all over the kitchen (while I’m trying to cook no less) or screaming and crashing around the house. My kids aren’t allowed to do that either (and DH would be angry if they did).
• I don’t think trips out should be centred around the DSC. If it’s only going to be fun for them and not my children, I’m just not going. DH can take them to softplay on his own if he wants to (he rarely does want to take them on his own).
• Sometimes I’ll choose to do things with my children and not include the DSC. Clearly it’s evil to let DS have a birthday celebration that isn’t about the DSC. Or let him watch a tv programme without them talking through it.
• I don’t give the DSC the run of the house. They’re not allowed in all the rooms (my bedroom, DS’s bedroom, etc). They poor hard done by souls only get to play in the extremely large bedrooms they have (one each) and a spacious and well appointed living room, plus the garden. I personally get no use whatsoever out of the majority of my own house, but obviously I’m cruel if every single space isn’t given over to the DSC who should feel welcome everywhere. Similarly, I don’t want them in the bathroom if I’m using it.

Scotch pancakes are not dinner. Likewise angel delight.

Oh I’m evil because I don’t think children should be rewarded and told how good they are for agreeing to eat cake for lunch without having a tantrum and making everyone else miserable.

Sure, positive reinforcement. But pancakes with fruit and toffee sauce instead of a proper meal is already a sodding reward!

I don’t miss them when they’re not here. In fact, I positively enjoy the lack of stress that comes with them not being here

Yup. Sorry but there has never been a time when I've missed them. I honestly don't care either way. I enjoy my time with DH without kids and I don't feel bad for that 🤷

*I don’t miss them when they’re not here. In fact, I positively enjoy the lack of stress that comes with them not being here

Yup. Sorry but there has never been a time when I've missed them. I honestly don't care either way. I enjoy my time with DH without kids and I don't feel bad for that* 🤷

Gotta be this one for me too. I also sometimes breathe a silent sigh of relief when it's home time for them. Shoot me now, such evil!

Oh god I just remembered I need to confess something that makes me even mor evil than that...

We are collecting and putting up our Christmas tree this year on a day when they won't be with us. 😮

Because I didn't want to homeschool my DSS alongside my 2 children while his DM was home off work for the duration of kickdown (still bloody ended up doing it though and didn't get a single thank you from her, I nearly had a breakdown from the strain)

Because I like it when he goes away on holiday for a week despite getting on with him fine

Similarly, I don’t want them in the bathroom if I’m using it.

How is this even a debate?!

I don't want anyone in the bathroom when I'm using it, thanks.. whether they are biologically linked to me or not! 😂

@LouJ85

Similarly, I don’t want them in the bathroom if I’m using it.

How is this even a debate?!

I don't want anyone in the bathroom when I'm using it, thanks.. whether they are biologically linked to me or not! 😂

It’s MN. How dare you not make your DSC feel welcome while you have a shower.

It’s like those evil SM who don’t want to cosleep with their DSC. And who won’t even just go and sleep on the sofa so their DSC can sleep in the bed with daddy.

I feel the same I don’t mind when SC is here but it’s so nice when she’s not. Everyone is a little less stressed.

I’m evil because I’m the one who enforces rules and making sure you tidy up and eat all your dinner you know the real mean stuff.

@KumquatSalad

Jeez........ well I'm realising that I have it a lot easier than a lot of stepmums!! It literally wouldn't even be a discussion in our house - certain rooms are out of bounds and thats that! Especially a bathroom that's in use 🙈😂

It’s like those evil SM who don’t want to cosleep with their DSC. And who won’t even just go and sleep on the sofa so their DSC can sleep in the bed with daddy.

Which daddys are allowing this?! Mental.... I'm glad I have an appropriately boundaried partner 😂

Apparently they thought we should have danced with the kids as a four so the SC were “part of everything” that day.

I can't cope 😂😂

Like you OP, I'm a wicked step mum because my DSS has been isolating for two weeks and I've enjoyed the peace i am starting to miss him though

I'm also a wicked step mum because I put my foot down about him gaming for the duration of his visits. DH has been known to 'disney dad' so I had to implement some boundaries.

@user1493413286

I’m a wicked step mum because I don’t believe that my pre teen DSD should have more designer gear and brand new technology than me and DH put together. She doesn’t actually know that I think that but DH thinks I’m mean for it. Oh and also that I think she’s capable of not leaving wet towels on the floor and putting food wrappers in the bin.

Amen I have the same problem

@Pleaseaddcaffine

I'm a wicked step mum... As I think the children shouldn't sit on tech for 12 hours a day on the weekend and go outside, read or play board games. Monstrous.

How dare you encourage fresh air haha

@LouJ85

Similarly, I don’t want them in the bathroom if I’m using it.

How is this even a debate?!

I don't want anyone in the bathroom when I'm using it, thanks.. whether they are biologically linked to me or not! 😂

My DSS insisted on coming into the bathroom when I was in the bath. I started locking the door. We had two other toilets so it wasn’t out of need. My DH objected to me locking the door saying he “just wants to talk to me” DSS was 8, I felt it was inappropriate. DH disagreed, so I suggested I send my niece in whilst he bathes and he saw my point.

I'm also a wicked step mum because I put my foot down about him gaming for the duration of his visits. DH has been known to 'disney dad' so I had to implement some boundaries.

My stepson does this when he visits and my view on it is why should I give a shit when his dad clearly doesn't?! So he gets left to it.

But where I did put my foot down was when we took him to the canaries for a pool holiday and he barely left his room as the WiFi didn't reach the pool. So I refused to take him with us again as it's a total waste of money in my opinion.

My DSS insisted on coming into the bathroom while I was in the bath. I started locking the door. We had two other toilets so it wasn’t out of need. My DH objected to me locking the door saying he “just wants to talk to me” DSS was 8, I felt it was inappropriate. DH disagreed, so I suggested I send my niece in whilst he bathes and he saw my point.

@LyingDogsLie1

I'm genuinely shocked by this. Just wants to talk to you while you're bathing and DH supported this?! I'm glad you were able to get your DH to see sense!

We luckily have 3 bathrooms in our house so there's never a need to go into any bathroom when someone's in there. To be honest my partner's kids wouldn't deliberately do this anyway but they aren't always great at knocking. DP is very boundaried with them though, which I'm so pleased about after reading some of the shit other SMs have to deal with!

It’s like those evil SM who don’t want to cosleep with their DSC. And who won’t even just go and sleep on the sofa so their DSC can sleep in the bed with daddy.
I must be the evilest ever! I’m starfishing in our double while DH and 9 year old DSD top and tail in a single.
I’m not giving up my bed because of her mother’s complete failure to co operate with DHs attempts to get her to sleep through the night on her own. No chance.

Apparently I hate my SD because I get mad when she constantly steals from me and her dad does nothing. Never mind that I am the only person who cares enough about her to make sure she’s clothed and has a warm coat, doesn’t smell because nobody makes her bathe or brush her teeth, gets her toiletries, gets her things to do, does baking and crafts with her...NOBODY else bothers with any of that. Just me. But I must hate her 🙄 Cracks me up

I’m not giving up my bed because of her mother’s complete failure to co operate with DHs attempts to get her to sleep through the night on her own.

@Youseethethingis

Does she not sleep in her own bed at her mum's house?? At 9 years old?

@Youseethethingis

It’s like those evil SM who don’t want to cosleep with their DSC. And who won’t even just go and sleep on the sofa so their DSC can sleep in the bed with daddy. I must be the evilest ever! I’m starfishing in our double while DH and 9 year old DSD top and tail in a single. I’m not giving up my bed because of her mother’s complete failure to co operate with DHs attempts to get her to sleep through the night on her own. No chance.

A trouble of mine. SS10 has to have a double bed because he still co-sleeps with DH. He wakes every night and calls him in. Our 1 year old spends every night along

*alone