I'm a wicked step mother because...

[FleaBagLarry]

There have been a few refreshing threads on here recently where some of us have been a bit more honest about how we actually feel!

In light of this, in what ways are you the stereotypical 'evil step mother'?

It got me thinking before, in my case, I'm the evil step mother because my DSC are isolating for 2 weeks and as much as we get on, I'm bloody enjoying the break! I'm looking forward to it being over for DHs sake but for me selfishly, it's been quite nice having a couple of weeks to ourselves. (We usually have the DC 50:50).

I know it's absolutely appalling that I haven't been sat in a darkened room sobbing the entire time! So shoot me 🤷

No one has Covid, no one is ill, just isolating before anyone suggests I don't care they are poorly.

Poor little girl sad I have a 9yo dd and I’d be horrified to think of someone treating her like that.
I’d be horrified if my 9 year old refused to follow basic instructions for her own benefit. It doesn’t affect me in any way if her room is unliveable, I can just shut the door on it.
I said what I always say
“I will always be here to help you with anything but I won’t do things for you that you’re old enough to do yourself”
Oh boo hoo

oh, and "my toddler" - you mean her brother? Have you heard yourself?

Yes, how dare she refer to her child as her child when as we all know mothers are merely vessels to deliver children to their siblings, the only relationship they have that matters and by which they should be referred. I am not my mother's child, I am only my sister's sibling. This is of course doubly the case when the sibling is a step child, how DARE pp refer to her child as "my toddler".

Honestly, have you heard YOURself? Not only is the above comment absolutely ridiculous but PPs posts didn't contain anything that was remotely cruel to a 9 year old.

@Robbybobtail

oh, and “my toddler” - you mean her brother? Have you heard yourself?

If you’re going to be all nit picky about the language then don’t you mean half brother?

@aSofaNearYou
I’d missed that wee gem, thanks for highlighting! 😂
Yes, I do think of my son primarily as my son, rather than my mothers grandson, my brothers nephew or indeed DSDs brother.
Had no idea anyone in the world would take umbrage with that, what a hoot

I’m wicked at the moment because I’m trying to convince my SD not to go back to college in September and get a job! To be fair uni is not an option and college again! To do what? I really want to stitch her BM up too as she’s just got herself a huge mortgage and I’d love it if she struggled financially like we have paying her maintenance.

oh, and “my toddler” - you mean her brother? Have you heard yourself?

But he is her toddler though. Are stepmums not even allowed to talk about their children now unless it somehow centres around the stepkids? Sounds about right on here doesn’t it.

Dm went ballistic and said dsc your child you are entitled to have her if she has COVID or not

See this is something loads of people seem to be confused about. If the child has covid or has been told to self isolate then, no, they are not entitled to go to their other parent’s house. That proviso only applies for children who are well. Because obviously people who have covid or are isolating are not supposed to come into contact with anyone unless absolutely necessary.

(I had a huge fight with my DH over this. And it turns out basic comprehension is an issue for separated parents. He even sent me a link to the official position on it, but it clearly showed that I was right. It seems they put the points the wrong way round, as people stop reading when they get to ‘children can move between parents’ houses’, when the next section makes it clear that doesn’t apply when someone is isolating.)

@Robbybobtail

*I’be been wicked again. I’ve encouraged/asked DSD to tidy her room a bit today, totally ignored and third time I went in with a bin bag and told her to start with the sweetie wrappers etc. She turned on the water works and wouldn’t eat her dinner. She then asks to help me bath DS, told her no (if it’s been decided she doesn’t need to listen to a word i say then that’s fine but she can’t be trusted to listen to instructions when it comes to my toddlers safety either 🤷‍♀️) and she cried again. So now she and DH are, at this very second, crashing around trying to carve out some space to move in there, and space on the bed too, when it could have been sorted hours ago. She’s 9 and apparently incapable of even very basic tasks such as tidying her own room. hmm*

Poor little girl I have a 9yo dd and I’d be horrified to think of someone treating her like that.

Tbh, I suspect RPs who are determined to think of their poor little angel as the victim contribute hugely to these issues.

Because, frankly, as a mother, I think it’s important that my children learn to tidy their rooms and follow instructions. I’d be really unhappy if I thought my ex was Disney dadding it up and not insisting on basic stuff.

I also think it’s completely uncontroversial that a 9 year old who cannot be trusted to listen or do as they are told isn’t allowed to bath a toddler. That applies whatever the relationship between them. Why should the stepdaughter’s whims and fancies come before a toddler’s safety? The toddler isn’t some doll for the DSD to play with.

No one would be ‘poor girl’ing the 9 year old if she weren’t a stepchild. Everyone would be saying ‘of course she shouldn’t be allowed to bath the toddler until she will follow basic instructions’. But it’s a stepchild, so their wants must be accommodated or you’re being mean and making them feel unwanted. 🙄

@funinthesun19

oh, and “my toddler” - you mean her brother? Have you heard yourself?

But he is her toddler though. Are stepmums not even allowed to talk about their children now unless it somehow centres around the stepkids? Sounds about right on here doesn’t it.

Don’t you understand? The child is the stepdaughter’s brother above all else.

Of course the PP should realise that her own relationship with her own child is less important than that. How dare she insist on ensuring her child’s safety?

And, of course, in non-blended families it’s completely fair and reasonable that siblings have more authority to decide what happens and how than parents. Wait... no that’s just through the looking glass with us stepfamilies.

Just to say re: 9yo and tidying bedroom debate. I'm a teacher (as well as a parent and step parent). I have all these hats on when I say that DC who are taught at home that ignoring adults is OK, can cause no end of issues for other adults and children they encounter elsewhere. Not to mention it's a risk to their own safety.

It's up to the OP and partner to agree between themselves whether getting DSD to tidy bedroom is the SM's job. But floods of tears and refusing to eat just because you didn't get away with ignoring an adult? My DSS does that to DP sometimes with shouting and screaming to boot, but we don't consequently say "oh poor thing, yes you can stay on xbox and do no exercise". I think if another adult cares enough to have high expectations of your child and put energy into teaching them good habits, it's a good thing.

You can try to justify it however you like but the pp’s post (As do many of these posts) came across like she really can’t stand her sd - and to not allow a 9yo to help bathe her brother - sorry the OP’s toddler - because she wouldn’t pick up a few sweetie wrappers is just peevish. I just wonder how their sm’s thinly veiled contempt of them will affect these kids in the future.

But then again this is why I would never get together with someone who already had kids. Must be hard looking at your dh’s children and know they are a reminder of him having sex with another woman and a life before you!

oh, and “my toddler” - you mean her brother? Have you heard yourself?

Genuinely curious, when talking about your own children, how do you refer to them? My son or my daughter's brother?

If you read back the post you will see that it would’ve made more sense in the context of the paragraph to say “her brother” - the pp made a point of saying “my toddler” and it came across very territorial IMO.

But of course, I’m sure as she is a stepmother and this is a thread for stepmothers and how awful/irritating/lazy etc their step kids are everyone will agree that she sounds wonderful!

But then again this is why I would never get together with someone who already had kids. Must be hard looking at your dh’s children and know they are a reminder of him having sex with another woman and a life before you!

Oh grow up. It's blatantly obvious you have no experience of being a step parent.

I see my DSC as people in their own right. I don't view them as reminders of my DH having sex with another woman any more than I would look at my neighbour's kids and think "ooh, their parents had sex!"

How childish to even think like that.

You can try to justify it however you like but the pp’s post (As do many of these posts) came across like she really can’t stand her sd - and to not allow a 9yo to help bathe her brother - sorry the OP’s toddler - because she wouldn’t pick up a few sweetie wrappers is just peevish
It wasn’t a few sweetie papers. There was very little flooring in sight and hardly any space on the bed. I asked her to start by picking up rubbish then I’d come see her once I’d finished what I was doing.
She decided to ignore me and suffered the natural consequences of that ie. not getting involved with bath time.

If you read back the post you will see that it would’ve made more sense in the context of the paragraph to say “her brother” - the pp made a point of saying “my toddler” and it came across very territorial IMO
No, my main point was that he is 18 months old and depends on me and DH to ensure his safety etc. He is my toddler. He is DHs toddler. He is not DSDs toddler. He is her brother. But brother or not she’s not got an innate right to bath him, that’s not me being territorial that’s just how it is.

@Robbybobtail

If you read back the post you will see that it would’ve made more sense in the context of the paragraph to say “her brother” - the pp made a point of saying “my toddler” and it came across very territorial IMO.

But of course, I’m sure as she is a stepmother and this is a thread for stepmothers and how awful/irritating/lazy etc their step kids are everyone will agree that she sounds wonderful!

Actually, if you hoick your judgey pants down a bit, you’d maybe realise that in blended families you do need to be clear that it’s your toddler and not your stepchild. Because it makes a big difference to how much say you have in their life.

Also 9 year olds don’t have a god given right to bathe their (half or full) siblings. No child does. Especially if the parent bathing the child cannot guarantee that the 9 year old will follow basic instructions.

It’s weird to refer to a parent noting that their toddler is, well, their toddler as territorial. Don’t you think?

Territorial is the sort of weird accusation that gets thrown at stepmothers for totally normal things, like saying ‘my toddler’.

And then there’s the weird idea that SMs are just jealous that their DH’s had lives before them and resent the SC as proof he had sex with someone else. 🙄

Seriously?

I'm deeply amused about the sex comment. I look after my nephew and love him. I don't think ewwwwww this is the result of my sisters shagging. That's wierd!!

It’s given me a giggle to. I could probably match DH shag for shag, I just didn’t get pregnant by any of them. It’s not something normal adults dwell on too much, and certainly not the driving force behind my wanting DSD to make a bit of an effort in keeping her own room nice, in case anyone else doubted my motives

If you read back the post you will see that it would’ve made more sense in the context of the paragraph to say “her brother” - the pp made a point of saying “my toddler” and it came across very territorial IMO.

That’s her child - of course she’s going to be territorial. You can say they’re siblings until you’re blue in the face, but it doesn’t change the fact that she is only mum to one of them and therefore the emotion in posts will reflect that.

It actually makes more sense in these threads to say “My DC”, “My DS”, “My DD”, “My toddler”, “My 2 year old”. Then at least we know who is who. If she’d have said “dsd’s brother, that could have meant brother who she shares a mum with. And that definitely wouldn’t be her toddler!

Believe me I never envied my ex and his ex wife having sex together or the resulting child they had 🤢

I have my own children with him and I’ve always been very happy with the ones that came out of my own vagina thank you

Just had a thought . At the time of The Incident actually referred to DS by his name. Is that ok or did i accidental let slip my rage that DH had sex with her mum 10 years ago by not saying “Your Brother” in case she forgot?
🤔

@Youseethethingis Half brother. FFS get it right

@MyCatHatesEverybody
I’ve never referred to them as half sibling, should I start, will that help DSD? 🤔