Page 17 | I'm a wicked step mother because...

FleaBagLarry · 2020-11-23T17:47:33+00:00

There have been a few refreshing threads on here recently where some of us have been a bit more honest about how we actually feel! In light of this, in what ways are you the stereotypical 'evil step mother'? [grin] It got me thinking before, in my case, I'm the evil step mother because my DSC are isolating for 2 weeks and as much as we get on, I'm bloody enjoying the break! I'm looking forward to it being over for DHs sake but for me selfishly, it's been quite nice having a couple of weeks to ourselves. (We usually have the DC 50:50). I know it's absolutely appalling that I haven't been sat in a darkened room sobbing the entire time! So shoot me 🤷 No one has Covid, no one is ill, just isolating before anyone suggests I don't care they are poorly.

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

LindaEllen · 21/12/2020 23:32

I'm a wicked step mum because for once I'm fighting back.

DSS regularly pulls the 'you're not my mum' card when I ask him to do things; which I regularly have to as DP works full time and I WFH. DSS has been home learning a lot (he's 17) and it's been a constant battle for me because he just switches to playing games the second I turn my back (I need to work!)

Anyway; after a kick off when I told him he wasn't playing the computer during college time he came out with the 'you're not my mum' card so I said fine, I'm not your mum, so shall I stop trying to be one?

He said yes and thought he'd won.

He was shocked when I didn't make his lunch, do his washing, give him a lift to his mum's, get him up in time for his lessons (he has an alarm but turns it off and goes back to sleep) so he got in trouble with college.

I said as you pointed out I'm not your mum. So as I'm not your mum, I don't have to do any of these things anymore.

I'm not being made a mug of, certainly not by a 17yo who's capable of doing all of these things himself.

All he has to do for me to do his washing along with ours, or make him a sandwich when I'm making mine, is be nice to me. Until then, I'm not his mum, so who cares.

Namealreadyinuse1 · 22/12/2020 09:19

@LindaEllen

I'm a wicked step mum because for once I'm fighting back.

DSS regularly pulls the 'you're not my mum' card when I ask him to do things; which I regularly have to as DP works full time and I WFH. DSS has been home learning a lot (he's 17) and it's been a constant battle for me because he just switches to playing games the second I turn my back (I need to work!)

Anyway; after a kick off when I told him he wasn't playing the computer during college time he came out with the 'you're not my mum' card so I said fine, I'm not your mum, so shall I stop trying to be one?

He said yes and thought he'd won.

He was shocked when I didn't make his lunch, do his washing, give him a lift to his mum's, get him up in time for his lessons (he has an alarm but turns it off and goes back to sleep) so he got in trouble with college.

I said as you pointed out I'm not your mum. So as I'm not your mum, I don't have to do any of these things anymore.

I'm not being made a mug of, certainly not by a 17yo who's capable of doing all of these things himself.

All he has to do for me to do his washing along with ours, or make him a sandwich when I'm making mine, is be nice to me. Until then, I'm not his mum, so who cares.

Yep, this! After the backlash I have received this week I am no longer doing any ‘mum’ things. Washing, shopping, changing beds, clearing up after them etc. I’m only annoyed that I have bought their Christmas presents. I have already stopped Easter Eggs & Advent Calendars after they refuse to say thank you. Next year I will not be responsible for birthdays or Christmas.

PeterPickerPacker · 22/12/2020 10:55

DSS regularly pulls the 'you're not my mum' card

Does your DH ever say anything about this? Mine would be fuming if one of his kids said this to me (because like you, I do a lot for them!).

I'd do much the same and not bother anymore. But I'd have to snap back 'no I'm not thank goodness but you are living in my house so you'll follow my rules, thank you'.

OldOrMaybeNotThatOld · 22/12/2020 11:32

@PeterPickerPacker

DSS regularly pulls the 'you're not my mum' card

Does your DH ever say anything about this? Mine would be fuming if one of his kids said this to me (because like you, I do a lot for them!).

I'd do much the same and not bother anymore. But I'd have to snap back 'no I'm not thank goodness but you are living in my house so you'll follow my rules, thank you'.

My DH would have an absolute rage if one of his kids said this to me. I’m very grateful that I have a husband who understands that being a SM is probably one of the shittest jobs on earth.

Youseethethingis · 22/12/2020 11:48

I said as you pointed out I'm not your mum. So as I'm not your mum, I don't have to do any of these things anymore.
What did he have to say for himself?

TheBuggerlugs · 22/12/2020 15:31

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KumquatSalad · 22/12/2020 16:52

Tbh, my DSD is bloody lucky that I am not her mum. Because she’s been absolutely awful for the past 5 days now and still been taken out to a fire and light event, a special private family swim in a pool and to the park. If she were my daughter and behaving the way she has been, she’d have been staying home while everyone else went out and had a lovely time (well, except me, because I’d be missing out while she learned her lesson).

Although, presumably her behaviour would have actually improved when she missed out the first time, so it wouldn’t have been 5 days of the same horrible behaviour (and her absolutely not giving a shit about it). But why should she give a shit when she gets to do all the nice things regardless?

Flippingheck99 · 23/12/2020 06:36

I’m a wicked stepmom because ....we have two toilets one is in the bathroom .

I get annoyed when I can’t shower to go to work because SS is having a 40 minute poo and laughing like a loon on on his iPad ( which I’ve said before is gross ) . Never ever wants to use the other toilet only the one in the most needed room at the most inconvenient time .

I have to label some food ( treats )and hide things so they don’t get eaten . ( inhaled would be more accurate ) . Not great when you think you’ve got something for dinner and realise SC have eaten it and not even asked .

Because I dare to suggest they change their clothes at least once over the weekend . Never ever seem to see any pants or underwear get put in the washing basket or come out of the machine .

PollyDarton1 · 23/12/2020 06:48

I was once an evil stepmum because my DSS and I drew a picture in his homework book and DSS asked me to pop both our names on it, because, yknow, we'd done it together. His mum went mental and said I was overstepping the mark.

Thankfully that was many moons ago and we now get on fabulously

TheBuggerlugs · 23/12/2020 07:46

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KumquatSalad · 23/12/2020 09:52

@TheBuggerlugs

Some of the mothers of the SC sound unhinged.....

Sometimes you find yourself utterly perplexed that any adult could even think of behaving the way some parents do when they’ve separated from their children’s other parent.

LouJ85 · 23/12/2020 20:42

@TheBuggerlugs

Some of the mothers of the SC sound unhinged.....

Some of them really are!!

LouJ85 · 23/12/2020 20:44

I dared tell the children (15 & 12 YO) not to eat with their hands..... incl baked beans!!!!

Sorry... but, what?? Teenagers eating baked beans with their hands?! This turned my stomach

NorthernSpirit · 23/12/2020 21:11

@LouJ85 yep!

15 YO DSD spends 5 minutes making sure all the beans are on a piece of toast with a fork and then puts the cutlery down and picks a whole piece of toast up with beans on to eat it with her hands. Most of the beans have fallen off by the time it reaches her mouth.

I actually couldn’t believe it when I first saw this (5 years ago). Unacceptable in my world (good table manners are important to me) and EVERYTIME she has to be reminded not to do this. 6 participants years later.

Apparently mum does it and it’s normal. I’m not normal for asking her to use a knife & fork. I shit you not......

I hate food being eaten with hands.

LindaEllen · 25/12/2020 20:02

@Youseethethingis

I said as you pointed out I'm not your mum. So as I'm not your mum, I don't have to do any of these things anymore. What did he have to say for himself?

Sorry I didn't see this reply until now! He hasn't realised yet what it means for him, I don't think. He went to his mums for Christmas so hasn't actually seen the 'not your mum' version of me. When he comes back he'll find he has his own washing basket in his room and ours is in our room, instead of in the bathroom. He will have three towels that he can use, and needs to keep clean. I'll cook his dinner, on the promise that he washes/dries (with DP doing the other) however he will be making his own sandwiches for college, and getting himself up in the morning.

To be honest I'm doing him favour, I think we've babied him too much and it's not worked out great for us! He needs to learn a bit of responsibility before he goes to uni. I overdid the loving stepmom thing early on and as a result built a rod for my own back 🤷🏻‍♀️

TheBuggerlugs · 26/12/2020 12:16

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BigMamaFratelli · 26/12/2020 18:05

I'm a wicked step mother because i didn't think having dp's kids with us for christmas morning made up for mine being at their dad's

I'm a wicked stepmother because i make dss say please and thank you, and because i won't help him do tasks i know he can do himself like take his shoes off because he's 6.

I'm also a wicked stepmother because i didn't monitor how much chocolate toddler dsd ate yesterday, so when her mum came to pick her up she was tired and cranky and sticky and just about to crash from her sugar high.

But worst of all I'm a wicked stepmother because although i love dsd, i don't love dss. I'm sure it will come, and I'd never let him know, but I'm not there yet.

Pleaseaddcaffine · 26/12/2020 22:23

I'm a wicked stepmother as I'm dreading trying to wfh next week with 4 kids in the house the 3 dsc are fine but it's actually impossible and just much easier if they are not here.
Apparently I'm also evil for being annoyed dp took a 2 hour nap and left me with said children after having them less than 5 bloody hours today!

harriethoyle · 27/12/2020 12:58

@BigMamaFratelli I feel you... one of my DSD is a delight, the other I find such hard work. I work my socks off not to show it but ye Gods, it's tough...

katie9998 · 28/12/2020 12:36

@LouJ85

It’s like those evil SM who don’t want to cosleep with their DSC. And who won’t even just go and sleep on the sofa so their DSC can sleep in the bed with daddy.

Which daddys are allowing this?! Mental.... I'm glad I have an appropriately boundaried partner 😂

Oh mine, every night I am not there, OH and I am evil when I object to getting into a bed that smells of stale sweat, because SS has not showered for a week.....at 13, because Daddyyyy can't possibly TELL SS to get in the shower as that would make Daddyyyyy uncool. FFS

I am also evil because I refuse to sit in the back seat of the car so his little royal highness can sit in the front...so he is next to daddyyyy at all times.

w0rkout · 28/12/2020 12:52

@MellowBird85

Because...they didn’t come to our wedding.

There I said it ffs.

Why though

LouJ85 · 28/12/2020 12:53

Oh mine, every night I am not there, OH and I am evil when I object to getting into a bed that smells of stale sweat, because SS has not showered for a week.....at 13, because Daddyyyy can't possibly TELL SS to get in the shower as that would make Daddyyyyy uncool. FFS

Sorry... what? Please do not tell me that your partner co sleeps with his 13 year old teenage boy? What in the name .........

w0rkout · 28/12/2020 12:59

@TheBuggerlugs

Some of the mothers of the SC sound unhinged.....

As do the step 'mothers'

harriethoyle · 28/12/2020 13:30

Bore off @w0rkout and stick to your TAAT...

Blendiful · 28/12/2020 13:34

I am an evil step mum because I dare to bring up the double standards between what is ok for one ‘other parent’ to do and not the other.

Today’s example being that my DCs dad has asked to see them today (yesterday) because he has an unexpected extra day off and I’ve agreed. DP found this annoying as he only asked the day before and not in advance.

However DSC’s mum cancelled our day with DSC over Xmas (cancelled the day before) to stay with family for an extra day, and now let us know the day before that we could have him the following day. Apparently this is ok though obviously, as it’s not my ex it’s his.

This is more a DP issue than a DSC issue though but still an annoying part of step parenting.