I'm a wicked step mother because...

[FleaBagLarry]

There have been a few refreshing threads on here recently where some of us have been a bit more honest about how we actually feel!

In light of this, in what ways are you the stereotypical 'evil step mother'?

It got me thinking before, in my case, I'm the evil step mother because my DSC are isolating for 2 weeks and as much as we get on, I'm bloody enjoying the break! I'm looking forward to it being over for DHs sake but for me selfishly, it's been quite nice having a couple of weeks to ourselves. (We usually have the DC 50:50).

I know it's absolutely appalling that I haven't been sat in a darkened room sobbing the entire time! So shoot me 🤷

No one has Covid, no one is ill, just isolating before anyone suggests I don't care they are poorly.

Thanks @SuperPixie247 - on the plus side, relieved me of any obligation to ever do anything to make her life easier EVER AGAIN!

Which in particular?
I won't respond to this specifically because it will be shredded to pieces here and I'll come out as being unreasonable.

There some attitudes and views I would never have accepted from my oh towards my children

As I say time and again on these boards, cannot compare the experience of being a step dad compared to a step mum because they simply aren't the same.

Aside from the totally different dynamic of being the partner of an RP as opposed to the partner of an NRP, you only have to look at the experience of mothers vs fathers in together relationships let alone step parenting ones to see the unfair expectations placed on women vs men when it comes to children. We're never, ever regarded as saints for "taking on another woman's children" are we?!

"
Aside from the totally different dynamic of being the partner of an RP as opposed to the partner of an NRP, you only have to look at the experience of mothers vs fathers in together relationships let alone step parenting ones to see the unfair expectations placed on women vs men when it comes to children. We're never, ever regarded as saints for "taking on another woman's children" are we?!"

No but massively judged at every opportunity if we don't skip and clap every time someone else's children arrive

@Dollyparton3

" Aside from the totally different dynamic of being the partner of an RP as opposed to the partner of an NRP, you only have to look at the experience of mothers vs fathers in together relationships let alone step parenting ones to see the unfair expectations placed on women vs men when it comes to children. We're never, ever regarded as saints for "taking on another woman's children" are we?!"

No but massively judged at every opportunity if we don't skip and clap every time someone else's children arrive

Oh... Should we be skipping and clapping? Is this where I'm going wrong...? 😂

@MyCatHatesEverybody

There some attitudes and views I would never have accepted from my oh towards my children

As I say time and again on these boards, cannot compare the experience of being a step dad compared to a step mum because they simply aren't the same.

Aside from the totally different dynamic of being the partner of an RP as opposed to the partner of an NRP, you only have to look at the experience of mothers vs fathers in together relationships let alone step parenting ones to see the unfair expectations placed on women vs men when it comes to children. We're never, ever regarded as saints for "taking on another woman's children" are we?!

Indeed.

This is actually another aspect of why my DH has stepparenting much easier than me. Literally no one (including me) has any expectations of him as a pseudo-father to my DS. None whatsoever. In fact, even when he’s being a crap husband because he won’t help me out with our baby because I’m doing something for my son, (his) family members think he’s totally reasonable.

But I’m expected (by those same family members) to centre my world around another woman’s children and take on the drudge work of motherhood in relation to them (but not any of the other bits where I’d have any control - just the wife work crap).

On top of all that, those same family members don’t include me or my children as ‘family’ in anything. Even the baby isn’t really family like the DSC (they’re the first family, so much more important). 🙄

Yes @LouJ85. And if you can dial up the Mary Poppins just a little just because you're a woman that would be fab, ta.

If not you're just a disgrace to your gender frankly.

No but massively judged at every opportunity if we don't skip and clap every time someone else's children arrive

Honestly, I don’t give two hoots who judges me. It’s a bloody tough job and it’s so easy for outsiders. My DSS has a multitude of complicated issues so much so that his parents can’t manage him and he has several agencies involved. Forgive me if I don’t always feel on top of the world being confronted by them too.

There some attitudes and views I would never have accepted from my oh towards my children

It's impossible to answer this if you're not willing to specify what kinds of attitudes, but usually when people say this it's a them and their expectations problem, not the other person.

It would be very interesting to read which bits you meant but have you considered that if you don't want to post it because you would end up coming off as unreasonable, that you might be being unreasonable?

There some attitudes and views I would never have accepted from my oh towards my children

It’s funny because theirs some attitudes, views and more pertinently actions that I wouldn’t tolerate from my children towards another human being. Yet it is those that are so often ignored in favour of step mum bashing.

@TriangleBingoBongo

There some attitudes and views I would never have accepted from my oh towards my children

It’s funny because theirs some attitudes, views and more pertinently actions that I wouldn’t tolerate from my children towards another human being. Yet it is those that are so often ignored in favour of step mum bashing.

Well said.

I've not been an evil stepmother for many years, but the one year I manage to convince DH to go to my sister for Christmas Dinner so DD can see her cousin, Covid happens. DSS was meant to stay Christmas eve then go home. He is now huffy because we've said he can't stay, but can still come in the morning. He thinks he can still stay over and we are being difficult. His reply was 'well if you don't want to see me Christmas eve, I'm not driving up Christmas day..'

All that old insecurity of thinking I'm being blamed because we are seeing my family for once has come flooding back.

I must add, he is 27, living with his partner and we've spent every Christmas with him since he was a kid . He is generally really nice. I hope its just disappointment and doesn't drive a wedge. Can't help feeling I'm in the wrong, as bring a stepmother, my place is being in the wrong.

This thread makes me feel less alone 😍

Don’t feel that you’re in the wrong @Icenii

He sounds like he needs to grow up.

@FoxtrotOscarPoppet

Don’t feel that you’re in the wrong *@Icenii*

He sounds like he needs to grow up.

I agree.

It’s awful how being a SM can make you feel this way.

Today I’m the evil SM because I have pointed out (to DH) that his children’s behaviour never improves because he is too busy Disney dadding so there’s no reason why they should do anything different. So he needs to stop complaining about their awful behaviour/how embarrassing it is/how we can’t do X because they don’t behave. Or he could do some real parenting and address it.

Apparently I’m mean because he wants to give them new toys. Just before Christmas. 🙄

I’m an evil step mum because I told DH I didn’t want DSD on Christmas Eve, or if she was here then he would have to be responsible for getting her home, because I don’t want any part of my Christmas Eve to be in any way affected by what suits or doesn’t suit his ex. That’s the way Boxing Day will go when she’s back after spending the 25th with her mum (why they can’t alternate and allow her to spend Christmas day with her father and brother some years is another thread).
No doubt I’ll be made to feel bad on the day for not moving a muscle to help but I’m not sorry, I’m evil.

No doubt I’ll be made to feel bad on the day for not moving a muscle to help but I’m not sorry, I’m evil.

I wouldn’t move a muscle either. Pick ups and drop offs are not my responsibility or problem. I’m resolutely unapologetic about that.

But I am also an evil stepmother. 😂

Too much gin then totally not your problem as can't drive. Surely if mum wants child home then she can collect? One parnwts picks up and one drops off.
Not that that happens here but logic seems to not apply!

Surely if mum wants child home then she can collect? One parnwts picks up and one drops off.
Hahahahahahaha
No.
It’s all me. Before that it was all DH. Neither parent drives. Usually I don’t mind to help out, but lately I’ve been getting very pissy with all the last minute dicking about with times by ex, so sometimes I just point blank refuse to go as I have my own full time job and child and life 😱 so the rebellion has started. I’m not a fucking taxi service that will just snap into line anymore. People can only take advantage if you give them the advantage. Lesson learned.

@Youseethethingis I too have learned my lesson. In this situation I was a slow learner but I got there in the end.
Foxtrot taxis / free childcare service is no longer.

I know for a fact I am a wicked stepmother. My 2 SDs confirmed it this week that I have always been mean & cruel and will never be some ‘super stepmum’. We think it’s because I used to ask them to shower, change their clothes including underwear and use cutlery rather than fingers.

Wow so many people I can totally relate too 🥳
I’m an evil stepmum because I refuse to go on another holiday withDSS13. He ruined two trips to Disney. (And nearly every birthday of DS)
I let DP ‘discipline’ DSD. I’ve recently realised the term Disney daddying is the perfect description of DP.
I will never marry DP while DSS is a child.
I look forward to EOW when we don’t have DSS- he is rude, entitled and constantly asks for money-from DP but never from his mum.
I’ve never vented before and always thought I was one of a few stepmums that find step parenting challenging.
If DP and I ever broke up, I would never become involved with a man who has children. It’s a life lesson that I don’t want to repeat.

I am an evil stepmother because......

I dared tell the children (15 & 12 YO) not to eat with their hands..... incl baked beans!!!! Their table manners revolt me. Slurping, talking with their mouth full, eating food off a fork like a lollipop (rather than cutting it up which would be way to much effort) and eating with their hands.

Because I got sick of hearing my OH have to remind a 15 YO to brush her teeth everyday... I was last heard saying..... personal hygiene is her responsibility, she’s not a toddler.....

Because I’m sick of being ignored in my own home. As I’m ignored and not looked at or spoken to DSD now doesn’t get the privilege of staying at home with me if her dad is out.

Because I got sick of the extreme fussy eating and refusing to eat anything lovingly prepared and cooked from scratch in favour of some bland oven food rubbish.

Because I’m sick to death of a 15 & 12 YO not being able to do ANYTHING for themselves. This includes making toast (mummy says it’s too dangerous), using a kettle (way to dangerous for the precious snow flakes according to mummy). They basically come to this house, treat it like a hotel and expect to be waited on hand & foot. When I ask them to do something it’s like a replay from ‘Kevin & Perry’.

Because I have to put up with the ex wife’s bat shittery & alienating her own children against their own father and me.

God I could go on.....