I'm a wicked step mother because...

[FleaBagLarry]

There have been a few refreshing threads on here recently where some of us have been a bit more honest about how we actually feel!

In light of this, in what ways are you the stereotypical 'evil step mother'?

It got me thinking before, in my case, I'm the evil step mother because my DSC are isolating for 2 weeks and as much as we get on, I'm bloody enjoying the break! I'm looking forward to it being over for DHs sake but for me selfishly, it's been quite nice having a couple of weeks to ourselves. (We usually have the DC 50:50).

I know it's absolutely appalling that I haven't been sat in a darkened room sobbing the entire time! So shoot me 🤷

No one has Covid, no one is ill, just isolating before anyone suggests I don't care they are poorly.

Wow @CherryCherries I thought I was evil for not giving up my bed so that DSD could sleep with DH*, but your situation is another level of
*they top and tail in her single, it’s not my problem that at 9 years old their daughter still cries in the night and has zero self settling skills whatsoever.

I’m an evil stepmum because:

1. I refuse to help/buy/do if manners aren’t used the first time. At 9 and 10 I feel they should be capable of a please or thank your by now.
2. I don’t allow used wrappers or plates to be wedged down the side of the sofa.
3. I make teeth be brushed twice a day and showers happen at least once a weekend.
4. If you close and hide what you are doing on your tablet it gets confiscated.

@Youseethethingis, I understand. At the moment, if my dp stays over for one of the nights he has his ds, his son will sleep on a blow up bed in one of my dcs rooms, but the light has to stay on and the battery removed from the clock so it doesn't tick.
My dc has said recently that they want the light off etc so ss can't stay in that room now. Last time ss slept in my bed whilst dp and I stayed on the sofa bed downstairs.

Don't think we be living together any time soon..

Ss is 9 nearly 10 by the way so not a baby...

@Chailatteplease

Wow!! A lot of you should not be stepmothers

There's far more people in the world that definitely shouldn't be parents to begin with, but hey ho...

This example doesn’t stack up. An unborn child is an unknown.

I don’t have any biological children of my own but even I know babies are prone to keep you awake through the night.
Perhaps you should jump into the threads of every new mother crying with sleep deprivation and tell them to stop whining because they knew exactly what they were getting into?

I'm a wicked step mum because I make DSD bath and keep clean oh and give her a bedtime but she doesn't have rules at home so I'm evil hopefully my evilness will pay off when she's older :/

@Chailatteplease

Wow!! A lot of you should not be stepmothers

Who? Most of the women on this thread are just trying to navigate really hard situations, a lot of the time not of their making. Step mother's don't just have to sit back and smile, nod and be happy with poor treatment simply because they are step mother's.

Just to occasionally read something whether the OP articulates some kind of failing or even slightly negative feature in her role as a step mother would make such a change

This is absolutely not true. There are multiple threads where OP questions whether it's them being unreasonable, or says they feel guilty for having the feelings they do, asks how to change them etc etc...

But that doesn't fit their narrative @SittingStill.

Like a previous poster pointed out, it's common knowledge that parents of newborns have sleep deprivation but when a thread pops up about it no one piles on the OP telling her she knew what she was getting into and to just deal with it, they offer advice and give their own experience.
Same with parents coming on to vent about their children, people will comment to vent about their own children, offer advice etc.

If a step-parent, especially a step-mum, we're to create a similar thread they will just get pilled on. As evidenced with this thread and the other thread about feeling safe on this board.

I am a wicked stepmother because I look forward to weekends she is not here and I spend the whole week anxious before she comes.

She can be very mean to my 4yr old DS and I hate it. I never say anything to her face as it isn't my place, I just make sure her father does.

Her mother made our life hell for most of 2018 and I hate her (the exW) for it, not letting SD see her dad for most of it putting huge strain on our relationship. Hearing either of their names make my teeth itch now

Post 2018 DH had a phase of wanting everything to be like the bloody Magic Kingdom round here. Not touching a morsel of a meal I had made but having her favourite dessert, letting her stay up till 11pm and asking her not to tell her mum, once he even asked me not to run the washing machine whilst she was here. I can see the pathetic desperation in his eyes to make everything so Disney and it drives me up the bastard wall. I feel like a wicked stepmother as I can't abide it although I do want her to have a good time.

I hate that I am like this, I really want to get on with her but we have nothing in common at all and I will not tolerate someone being cruel to my DS.

I have never vented this before, it was quite theraputic

I've got a good addition this morning.

I'm an evil stepmother because I backed up my husband when he called out my adult stepdaughter who thinks she is the only person that lockdown doesn't apply to.

She spent a night this week with her on again off again boyfriend at a hotel (he's been off again for 3 months) her mum says she's "not getting involved but really angry" so DH is the bad guy when he bollocks her about it.

I backed him and said if she didn't start to take it seriously I'd have no choice but to uninvite her on Xmas day to our home, we have pensioners in our Xmas day bubble and I'm hosting.

Apparently my input is welcome when I move house, buy a bigger family home for everyone, pay generously for holidays, birthday gifts, allowances, top up maintenance, furnish bedrooms and buy them cars

But she went nuclear when I stepped in on this subject 🤣 duly noted for future levels of engagement and support (financial or otherwise)

I can see the pathetic desperation in his eyes to make everything so Disney and it drives me up the bastard wall. I feel like a wicked stepmother as I can't abide it although I do want her to have a good time. I hate that I am like this, I really want to get on with her but we have nothing in common at all and I will not tolerate someone being cruel to my DS.

It really sounds like you should be hating what he (and possibl she) is like, not yourself!

@Mustfly
This thread confirms every opinion I hold that divorce is terrible for children and that blended families are even worse.

Don’t feel like that. It isn’t all bad.

I am a wicked step mother because I insist on routine abs boundaries. Vegetables. Craft activities. Manners. Eating at a table. Not harassing the cat when she’s had enough. Teeth brushing. Putting crisp packets in the actual bin and for insisting that if you leave cups in your room for days on end you’ll have to wash them up.

Nothing like scrubbing Weetabix off a bowl to make you realise how your choices now, sabotage your future self.

But, I’m also the person who has enabled their Dad to create notable changes in their behaviour. They are more secure. They are reminded, consistently, of appropriate behaviour.

We no longer have a Mexican standoff between a 6 year old and a 38 year old man. We use strategies for managing PDA to manage one of the kids. Behaviour is so different, school have noticed and are able to do much more work now with DSS than before.

And we can go to a restaurant, or public event, without the fear that there’d be a meltdown over the shape of a chicken burger.

So, yes it’s tough for kids. It’s tough for adults. But what I can do, is look at those kids objectively. They’re not mine, they have a mum already, but I still want them to be decent, lovely, tiny people with choices for their lives. And I can, with their Dad, create that environment for them.

But they do drive me absolutely nuts.

once he even asked me not to run the washing machine whilst she was here.

I’ve had this. Apparently it’s completely unacceptable for me to run the washing machine tumble dryer or dishwasher after 5pm while DSD is here, lest she not have absolute silence in her room when she goes to bed. The distant quiet rumble of white noise - exactly the sort of thing people play on their phones to help them or their babies to sleep - is unacceptable for DSD’s precious ears.

It is however, not a problem to have the tv loud where the sound will travel to DS’s and DSS’s rooms. And it’s ok for DH to run the washing machine and dryer when he’s run out of clothes for the DSC or the gym in the morning. 🙄

I got really angry with his when the last bit happened, after all the shit he’d given me about poor, sensitive DSD and evil me daring to try the wash some clothes for everyone.

He also tried to suggest that no one should be allowed to flush the toilet in case it disturbed DSD (whose room isn’t even next to the toilet). I’ve reached the point where I just tell him that DSD has to learn to live with and sleep through perfectly normal household noise, like everyone else. (Guess what? She totally can!)

But apparently the baby should just nap through literally anything. I’m unreasonable if I complain when he’s woken yet again by the DSC screaming and crashing around the house. It’s totally not ok to flush a toilet in case it slightly disturbs a child of nearly 7, but apparently a newborn baby (now 4 months) should sleep through actual screaming and fighting.

Disney dad logic is unfathomable. 🤷🏻‍♀️

God, SO much of this resonates...

I'm an evil stepmother because my DP spent the two days before my Mum died with me at her bedside, then looked after me the weekend afterwards. DSC were totally understanding and supportive about not seeing him for 5 days. Ex W had a pop at him for not prioritising the children 3 days after my Mum died. 3 fucking days. stupid bitch

In the cold light of day, reading back what I put makes me sound awful but I genuinely do try and wish we had something of a relationship.

@KumquatSalad I wish I meant no running the washer on a night, he means ANYTIME. Like its supposed to be some sort of holiday here. Weekends are my only suitable time to do a couple of loads so I put my foot down.

That is awful @harriethoyle, sorry you had to put up with that alongside your DM passing

@Amanda87

I'm evil because I'm very happy when they're not here. Period

That is a pretty cruel thing to say, to be fair

Is it though.... I'm happier when I'm not looking after my dn as well as ds. Doesn't mean he's not a lovely boy and I care about him a lo, just multiple children are always harder work than just your own esp if your own is a single.

Im a evil step mum as I don't belive is my responsibility to solely fund larger housing for the dsc (dp couldn't afford a bed flat alone let alone our 3 bed) , regardless of what dp exw or indeed dp feel. Sofa beds or sharing a rooms with full siblings are reasonable choice for less than 1/3 of the overnights a month.
I'm also evil for working full time so being unable to do shopping, school runs etc and calming repeating that the children have two parents and they can sort it out between them.

It’s not cruel. It’s the truth. Am I happier when my SC are in my home or when they are with their mother? Definitely happier when they are not around.

Doesn’t mean I don’t care for them but being a SM is hard work and an effort and when they are not here I can relax and therefore am much happier!!!!

That is a pretty cruel thing to say, to be fair

Don't think it's cruel or particularly surprising.

I'm much more calm when there are less people in the house, when it's just me and DH and I don't have to think about children and mess and all the other stuff.

So yes, generally I prefer and enjoy my time more when they aren't with us.

@IGetIt

That is a pretty cruel thing to say, to be fair

Don't think it's cruel or particularly surprising.

I'm much more calm when there are less people in the house, when it's just me and DH and I don't have to think about children and mess and all the other stuff.

So yes, generally I prefer and enjoy my time more when they aren't with us.

Absolutely, I feel the same. It's not in the slightest bit "cruel" to feel that way, it's completely normal.

Oh give over. It’s not cruel at all to be happy when your stepchildren aren’t there. Of course there are going to be positives and why shouldn’t she enjoy those positives? It doesn’t mean she hates her stepchild. But she can prefer the time when dsc is somewhere else.

I used to enjoy the time with just my own children when my former stepchild was at their mum’s. And I used to enjoy the easier dynamics on those days where an older child wasn’t here, especially when dsc reached teenage years and I felt like I was walking on egg shells.....

4gis thread is interesting. I read some and fail to understand why some woyldd be considered evil SM for seem to be totally normal behaviours and attitudes.

I read others and think I'm not surprised there would be conflict, with the ex but also partner.

There some attitudes and views I would never have accepted from my oh towards my children. Other I can relate to how he feels and understand.

There some attitudes and views I would never have accepted from my oh towards my children

Which in particular?

I read others and think I'm not surprised there would be conflict, with the ex but also partner.

Sorry I have to ask the same question as above.