I'm a wicked step mother because...

[FleaBagLarry]

There have been a few refreshing threads on here recently where some of us have been a bit more honest about how we actually feel!

In light of this, in what ways are you the stereotypical 'evil step mother'?

It got me thinking before, in my case, I'm the evil step mother because my DSC are isolating for 2 weeks and as much as we get on, I'm bloody enjoying the break! I'm looking forward to it being over for DHs sake but for me selfishly, it's been quite nice having a couple of weeks to ourselves. (We usually have the DC 50:50).

I know it's absolutely appalling that I haven't been sat in a darkened room sobbing the entire time! So shoot me 🤷

No one has Covid, no one is ill, just isolating before anyone suggests I don't care they are poorly.

I'm a wicked step mother because I make everyone bathe regularly and I have a rule about changing underpants daily.

😂 How unreasonable of you!

@Squidglet oh, I am hideously unreasonable as I voice my horror that the 9 year-old often doesn't have a single bath or shower between arriving midday Saturday and leaving Tuesday morning. My own Children a similar age have a bath or shower daily when with me. We don't live together yet, but I have made it clear increased washing is a red line. As, tbh, will be the state of their rooms (grim: food waste; wet towels left on the floor; clean clothes not put away; toys/bedding left everywhere; curtains never opened, so it is fusty) and the incessant technology (demanding my BF's tablet even though they have a phone and a laptop and being allowed to fall to sleep with it).

He knows all this in advance and still wants to marry me, so, we shall see ...

SpongebobNoPants I think the best way to be is honest and upfront. I think you’re doing things perfect. And your DP sounds great too by the way. Some men would get all offended at the prospect of their partner not wanting to live with them if his children moved in full time, which in my opinion would just show a lack of respect for his partner’s feeling’s.

*feelings

@LouJ85

I'm a wicked step mother because I make everyone bathe regularly and I have a rule about changing underpants daily.

😂 How unreasonable of you!

I think I’m the wicked mother because I check up on exactly this. Bloody lazy 11 year olds. 🤬

Best. Thread. Ever.

I'm a wicked stepmother because in BMs words (via SD 12) I don't like her and she can no longer shop in my place of work.

She's absolutely right, I don't like her. Would I ever say that to anyone? Never.

So BM has assumed my feelings and is now the victim - and SD thinks I'm the wicked one for...wait for it...saying absolutely nothing

@funinthesun19 thank you. My DP is pretty awesome, I feel very lucky to have him

[quote NameChangerinDespair]@Squidglet oh, I am hideously unreasonable as I voice my horror that the 9 year-old often doesn't have a single bath or shower between arriving midday Saturday and leaving Tuesday morning. My own Children a similar age have a bath or shower daily when with me. We don't live together yet, but I have made it clear increased washing is a red line. As, tbh, will be the state of their rooms (grim: food waste; wet towels left on the floor; clean clothes not put away; toys/bedding left everywhere; curtains never opened, so it is fusty) and the incessant technology (demanding my BF's tablet even though they have a phone and a laptop and being allowed to fall to sleep with it).

He knows all this in advance and still wants to marry me, so, we shall see ...[/quote]
DO set limits on how much "gross" you can take on the house you have to live in.

DON'T bother yourself with the screen time. Nobody gives two farts what you think and you'll only make life more miserable for yourself, by getting worked up over it. Trust me. Battles... Pick them.

I wash my hands of all that. Just make myself a cup of tea and enjoy the peace and quiet.

But... milk on my sofa? No effing chance!

I absolutely love this thread. I feel like showing it to DP who thinks I am the only step parent in the world who doesn't adore their step kids...

Great thread! I’ve only had my SD over our house three times this year! And it’s been great 👍 best year of my life.

pradamarda

I absolutely love this thread. I feel like showing it to DP who thinks I am the only step parent in the world who doesn't adore their step kids...

HAHAHAHA! Poor deluded fool he is

@pradamarda

I absolutely love this thread. I feel like showing it to DP who thinks I am the only step parent in the world who doesn't adore their step kids...

😂😂😂

This thread confirms every opinion I hold that divorce is terrible for children and that blended families are even worse.
The fact that even when our kids are naughty we both adore them equally is the best foundation for life they'll ever have and it saddens me enormously that so many kids are barely tolerated in their own homes.
I wholly place the blame on the unrealistic people who marry those with existing kids and those parents that don't split up with partners who whinge about said kids.
An obsession with prioritising romantic relationships over the happiness and welfare of children is at the root of it. It's basic selfishness.
Those who go on to have children of your own...how would you feel if your own child was held in such disdain by a step parent yet forced to spend half their time with them. And if you think you're hiding it...you're not. I know plenty of adults who were hugely, totally aware and have the issues to show for it.

@Mustfly

This thread confirms every opinion I hold that divorce is terrible for children and that blended families are even worse. The fact that even when our kids are naughty we both adore them equally is the best foundation for life they'll ever have and it saddens me enormously that so many kids are barely tolerated in their own homes. I wholly place the blame on the unrealistic people who marry those with existing kids and those parents that don't split up with partners who whinge about said kids. An obsession with prioritising romantic relationships over the happiness and welfare of children is at the root of it. It's basic selfishness. Those who go on to have children of your own...how would you feel if your own child was held in such disdain by a step parent yet forced to spend half their time with them. And if you think you're hiding it...you're not. I know plenty of adults who were hugely, totally aware and have the issues to show for it.

I agree. This thread makes me rather sad even though I'm not divorced. My heart goes out to all those children who have to bear the fallout of broken adult relationships and put up with blended families where they are at best tolerated.

@mustfly Omg 🤮 seriously. I was the best SM I could possibly be! Totally equipped mentally and physically, financially. You know what sometimes it doesn’t matter how nice you are, how patient how loving you will still fail because the SC wants you too! The BM wants u to too! Don’t ever underestimate a SC and what they can do to your mental health. That’s the mistake I made. And if my child found himself in the position of SC I would make sure he and his SM are listened to equally because you know what, kids lie people, and kids are unkind to the extent of being bullies. It’s people like you - with respect - that are kidding yourselves.

@Mustfly

This thread confirms every opinion I hold that divorce is terrible for children and that blended families are even worse. The fact that even when our kids are naughty we both adore them equally is the best foundation for life they'll ever have and it saddens me enormously that so many kids are barely tolerated in their own homes. I wholly place the blame on the unrealistic people who marry those with existing kids and those parents that don't split up with partners who whinge about said kids. An obsession with prioritising romantic relationships over the happiness and welfare of children is at the root of it. It's basic selfishness. Those who go on to have children of your own...how would you feel if your own child was held in such disdain by a step parent yet forced to spend half their time with them. And if you think you're hiding it...you're not. I know plenty of adults who were hugely, totally aware and have the issues to show for it.

Maybe you could 'wholly place the blame' on the parents who make the decision to break up the children's families in the first place?

If you choose to split up with your child's other parent then you must appreciate that you will never be able to recreate that environment for them ever again. Nobody loves children as much as their own parents and it's unfair to expect somebody to.

Most posts on this thread are tongue-in-cheek, they are not people actually hating on the children. Most step-parents are trying their best in difficult circumstances.

*Maybe you could 'wholly place the blame' on the parents who make the decision to break up the children's families in the first place?

If you choose to split up with your child's other parent then you must appreciate that you will never be able to recreate that environment for them ever again. Nobody loves children as much as their own parents and it's unfair to expect somebody to.*

This. Well said.

My heart goes out to all those children who have to bear the fallout of broken adult relationships and put up with blended families where they are at best tolerated.

My heart goes out to all the stepmums who simply cannot win no matter what they do - they get involved, they're told step back it's not your place; they don't get involved, they're cold hearted and don't care about their step kids; who are hated in a lot of cases irrationally by the kids' mum, often for no reason other than the fact they are another 'mother' figure in their kids' lives; who do try with their stepkids but are doomed to fail because mum has filled the kids' heads with irrational hatred for stepmum; who find themselves on eggshells in their own home, torn between love for their DPs and the difficult feelings created by all of the above .... who then come onto MN for a light hearted rant about their struggles, only to be jumped on yet again by those who just cannot allow stepmums any outlet for their feelings whatsoever.

That's who my heart goes out to.

@LouJ85 ❤️❤️❤️

@Mustfly oh piss off will you

Winning. The wailing chest beaters ‘those poooorrrr children’ have arrived. Surprised it took them this long.

@SatyajitRayFan @Mustfly wanna play? Because your comments based in pure ignorance I am finding highly amusing. I would happily engage with you both on a debate here about your respective posts. Who’s first?

I’ll bring a box of tissues to help mop your tears. And if that isn’t a sufficient a team of counsellors will be on standby to help you with your mental and emotional trauma at the prospect of all these children being ‘harmed’

PMSL

This thread confirms every opinion I hold that divorce is terrible for children and that blended families are even worse.

Please don’t feel sorry for my children. Me splitting from their father was the best thing for them and their lives are so much better for it. Their older sibling has always had a happy, full life with their mum and now my children have it with me. You can see who the problem is can’t you?

I’m not going to be apologetic to you for not always feeling ecstatic about all things to do with my ex’s child. If my ex was a wonderful, supportive, hard working, partner who had lots of ambition rather than the lazy, emotionally draining, alcohol dependent man what he was... then I would have at least had that and it would have at least made me feel like it was all worth it, and therefore increased my enthusiasm about my role in his child’s life.

I always say that if the dad of the child doesn’t make one thousand percent effort in the blended family that he at one point decided he wanted to have, then his partner/wife really doesn’t stand a chance at being a happy stepmum. Think about that.

@Mustfly

This thread confirms every opinion I hold that divorce is terrible for children and that blended families are even worse. The fact that even when our kids are naughty we both adore them equally is the best foundation for life they'll ever have and it saddens me enormously that so many kids are barely tolerated in their own homes. I wholly place the blame on the unrealistic people who marry those with existing kids and those parents that don't split up with partners who whinge about said kids. An obsession with prioritising romantic relationships over the happiness and welfare of children is at the root of it. It's basic selfishness. Those who go on to have children of your own...how would you feel if your own child was held in such disdain by a step parent yet forced to spend half their time with them. And if you think you're hiding it...you're not. I know plenty of adults who were hugely, totally aware and have the issues to show for it.

I love my step children more than you could ever understand.

Can still laugh at how they call me their wicked step mother though. In my house, we have to laugh at the situation we are in, because if we didn't we would cry.

I didn't plan this life but I wouldn't change it.

@mustfly, I can only assume that you live in some sort of Enid Blyton world with lashIngs of ginger beer.

When I got together with my ex, the first thing 25 year old DSD1 said to us was 'If you two get married, what happens to the money?' DSD2 (21) once spat in food I had prepared for a dinner party. Oh yes, those poor, poor stepchildren!

I will remain single until DS is adult, but I will never tolerate him behaving like that to anyone.