Redundancy and Child Maintenance

[TazSyd]

DP is currently furloughed and found out last week that he is at risk of redundancy. He has been expecting this and thinks that there is a high chance that he will be made redundant. He’s been there less than 2 years, so will only be paid 1 month notice and accrued holiday pay. As he lives with me he will only be entitled to £75 a week contributions based benefits.

We have a DD together and he also has another daughter who lives with her mum but stays with us 2 nights a week (in normal times). One weeknight and also on a Friday night and Saturday day - we pick her up from school on Friday and drop her back at her mum’s after dinner on a Saturday. As DP has been furloughed, we (well he, as I have been working from home so haven’t done much childcare during the day for either DD or DSD) have been having her more often - more like a 50/50 split. Despite his drop in income and the increase in childcare, he hasn’t reduced the maintenance he pays to his ex.

I’ve spoken to a couple of recruiter friends and they’ve said that the employment market has picked up a bit but realistically they aren’t expecting it to pick up properly until September. So DP could well be unemployed for a few months.

DP will pay £7 per week out of his JSA to his ex but this is a lot less than he currently pays (£300 per month). I know I have no legal responsibility for DSD but should I top up the maintenance to DPs ex?

I feel really uncomfortable that you have been putting the ex's financial details in to gov.uk and basing decisions on it. Her finances are nothing to do with you just like yours are nothing to do with her other than your partner supporting his first child adequately. Can you imagine the uproar if the RP did this and stated they made decisions on it.

We were checking to see if you could still claim 80% of childcare back. It seems that you can’t.

I feel really uncomfortable that you have been putting the ex's financial details in to gov.uk and basing decisions on it

It’s one of the most unpleasant things I have read on here. Basing decisions on supporting a child on best guess figures of someone else’s financial situation. The calculators are usually quite accurate but in my experience are not necessarily correct when final calculations are made by HMRC/DWP. At best, the figure is near-Ish but if you have seriously under or over estimated her income, it will be way off. And what on Earth has it got to do with the OP, anyway?!

except OP isnt basing the decision on anything BECAUSE SHE IS LETTING THE EX MAKE THE DECISION.

Op was just checking if UC no longer pay 80% of childcare (though i believe they say up to 80%) which tbh, why not?

Honestly try reading the bloody thread before making vicious assumptions and being nasty.

oh, and if you go through the CMS - the RP knows exactly, to the penny, how much the NRP earns a week, so please dont bleat on about decision making and privacy when you know FA about it.

It's one of the most unpleasant things I have read on here

Grasping a bit, don't you think?

except OP isnt basing the decision on anything BECAUSE SHE IS LETTING THE EX MAKE THE DECISION.

Yes, our situation has changed and we can’t afford to both pay the same amount as before and have DSD for 3 days and 3 nights. We’ve outlined the situation to ex’s DSD and asked her to come back to us with what the best option for her is. She may come back with a different idea than the ones that we have mentioned to her, which we will also take into consideration.

To be fair, she is being a lot more reasonable than some of the posters on here.

In what world do you live that you get to dictate when the ex takes her annual leave? Or just find childcare at the drop of someone else’s hat?
No, it's called working together to find the best way forward.

It's assuming that the ex would have, previous years, taken some time off during the 6 weeks holidays as most parents do. That childcare was used on some of the says when both were working and that same childcare can be accessible summer.

to ex’s DSD

Should say to DPs ex

This isn’t really ok. There’s a child about to get no support from her dad, who isn’t really in a position to look for some other work as he is looking after your child together. He needs to look for whatever work he can, nights , weekend, and it might impact your work too if he has to leave to get to a job , because he has to provide for both his children not just his child with you. In the meantime he must offer what support he can, be it only ‘free childcare’ (which some of us call parenting).

And when he finds a job, he finds childcare for his days. She’s an ex not his stay at home wife who has to jump to facilitate his work. He needs to manage parenting and working just like everyone else.

@timeisnotaline

This isn’t really ok. There’s a child about to get no support from her dad, who isn’t really in a position to look for some other work as he is looking after your child together. He needs to look for whatever work he can, nights , weekend, and it might impact your work too if he has to leave to get to a job , because he has to provide for both his children not just his child with you. In the meantime he must offer what support he can, be it only ‘free childcare’ (which some of us call parenting).

Did you deliberately miss the bit where he's offered to have the child 50% of the time which means he wouldn't have to pay maintenance anyway or?

That's his support right there.

Or does only money matter when it comes to dad's?

Thankfully, DPs ex isn’t as wilfully ignorant as some of the posters on here.

If you are projecting because you haven’t got what you wanted from your ex then perhaps the reason for that is rooted in your own unreasonable behaviour. If DPs ex had behaved like some of you, then we would be paying the CMS minimum and have court ordered access in place.

I feel really uncomfortable that you have been putting the ex's financial details in to gov.uk and basing decisions on it.

I bet this happens a lot too when rps put their ex’s and their ex’s partner’s incomes in to a calculator to work out how much money they’ve got coming in. I wouldn’t be too gobsmacked about it happening the other way around.

There’s some very selective reading going on around here. This is a man who has been “overpaying” consistently (only using this word for illustrative purposes as I don’t thinks there’s any such thing when it comes to a parent supporting their child), has near enough doubled the amount of time he has his child in order to better support her mother, has kept maintenance at the same level despite having the child more and losing a significant chunk of income. It’s abundantly clear this isn’t a man who has been trying to wriggle out of providing his child with his time or his money. Quite the opposite.
Now he’s entered constructive discussions with his child mother about what are the best arrangements for him to continue supporting his child after being made redundant and he is suddenly pond scum to some of you?
What?!? 🤯

Don't post here at all but read often as a single mother with a partner who has fully residency of his DC. Please remember these are children and it's so painful to read people arguing about who's problem they are to feed or care for.
I would hate to think my any new partner of my ex would talk about my DC like this (btw we have 50/50 so neither pays maintenance) or that I would talk about my DF's DC like this. It's very sad and I hope the children don't get the feeling that they are a burden to be argued over.

(btw we have 50/50 so neither pays maintenance)

According to a lot of posters, your ex should still be paying maintenance despite the 50/50. Why isn’t he?

Why would he?? I actually have 60/40 but he pays for his time and I pay for mine. ATM he is furlowed and I work for NHS so working more than normal hours and he has DC while I'm at work. It's about give an take. No way would I be arguing over DC. They are mine and his pride and joy, not a burden. Same as my DP's kids, I may not agree with his style of parenting but I'm there for both him and his dc. I don't disagree that you shouldn't pay his maintenance but it makes me so sad how kids are treated as a burden.

And tbh I've always said that if exh decided to have more DC and I had more than 50% residency, then yes I would claim maintenance because ATM we both support our DC on the agreement that they come first but if he choose to have more kids then I certainly would fight to make sure my DC were not affected negatively by his choices (I had my tubes tied as we decided that we had the amount of dc we could afford and his choice to cheat will NOT change my DC way of life)

heather there's nothing wrong with adults discussing adult issues such as finances amongst other adults. It doesn't have any bearing on their feelings towards their kids, it just needs organising.

So if you’re in a ‘together’ family and DH loses his job, then you accept that the whole household takes a hit, everyone gets a smaller slice of pie – as the pie has just got smaller. It’s a pain, but that’s life.

But if you’re in a ‘second’ family and DH loses his job, then there’s a weird expectation that the ‘first’ family should be shielded from the reduction in income, their status quo preserved, often quite unrealistically, and often at the expense of the ‘second’ family who, don’t forget, are also suffering due to the job loss.

And this is the case in this thread; the main focus seems to be ensuring the first family doesn’t feel the pinch.

OP – do not pay a penny of your own money to your DP’s ex. I will never understand the Mumsnet bias towards the first family.

@TazSyd

I thought that the dad had taken on the extra time with his daughter to help the ex temporarily during lockdown? (Quite correctly). Then he had also left the maintenance at the normal level, as most people would approve of. So if these have become his days by default, he certainly would no longer be owing nearly as much maintenance! Maybe if he'd saved the £90 a month extra he had been paying he would have savings now to help out - but he gave it to his ex up front instead

Exactly.

DPs circumstances have changed. Due to our drop in income, we can no longer afford to be so generous. We have asked ex if she would prefer to receive full maintenance or reduced due to us having DSD on 3 (or more days per week). I don’t think some posters above realise that the CMS reduce maintenance if the child stays with the non resident parent on some nights per week.

Oh please, he can get a job, revert to the previous contact arrangement and both parents are responsible for arranging childcare on the days they care. So for you DP, whatever mid-week day from a usual school finishing time, a Friday from the same point and a Saturday daytime. Plus of course 50% of all holidays; or indeed in current strange time when school is not available. How did he cover childcare after school previously out of curiosity?

Child support is then paid at the level dictated by his number of overnights (2) and his new earnings. That will not be £7.00 per week; but of course will potentially be lower than he has been paying previously. The level of which is somewhat irrelevant, given things have changed.

It is disingenuous to suggest that if only he hadn't been so generous previously he would have savings that would permit him to continue supporting his daughter.

In reality he doesn't want to get a NMW job and you want him at home to solve your childcare issues/limit your joint household costs so you are both spinning the options, justifying his choices to suit what you want the outcome to be. At least own it. Things change but to chose a course of action which will result in a £7.00 per week contribution to your child is not admirable.

For the record, my ex and I had a 50/50 arrangement until the children were old enough to choose differently. No money changed hands . We each paid for childcare as required on our respective days, split other costs (i.e. sports, uniforms, schooling, trips,) equally. I have no skin in this game from that respect.

@aSofaNearYou I agree, I just felt uncomfortable that posters were debating over who would be the parent responsible for the kids. I would never want and DC to feel they were not wanted. I understand that may be my issue and noone else's.

Coffeepot72 you articulated it much better than I did.

But @funinthesun19 and @Coffeepot72 it hasn't, generally, been suggested he should continue paying at previous levels. Rather that choosing to settle for a £7 a week contribution until he can find a 'career' role is not on.

He has responsibilities, that simple fact that the mother of one of his child is able to pick up his slack in one household doesn't negate the need for him to do his level best to meet the responsibilities he has to his other child. It's just poor.