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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Redundancy and Child Maintenance

999 replies

TazSyd · 08/06/2020 12:23

DP is currently furloughed and found out last week that he is at risk of redundancy. He has been expecting this and thinks that there is a high chance that he will be made redundant. He’s been there less than 2 years, so will only be paid 1 month notice and accrued holiday pay. As he lives with me he will only be entitled to £75 a week contributions based benefits.

We have a DD together and he also has another daughter who lives with her mum but stays with us 2 nights a week (in normal times). One weeknight and also on a Friday night and Saturday day - we pick her up from school on Friday and drop her back at her mum’s after dinner on a Saturday. As DP has been furloughed, we (well he, as I have been working from home so haven’t done much childcare during the day for either DD or DSD) have been having her more often - more like a 50/50 split. Despite his drop in income and the increase in childcare, he hasn’t reduced the maintenance he pays to his ex.

I’ve spoken to a couple of recruiter friends and they’ve said that the employment market has picked up a bit but realistically they aren’t expecting it to pick up properly until September. So DP could well be unemployed for a few months.

DP will pay £7 per week out of his JSA to his ex but this is a lot less than he currently pays (£300 per month). I know I have no legal responsibility for DSD but should I top up the maintenance to DPs ex?

OP posts:
Original poster
TazSyd · 15/06/2020 19:48

Of course not because you chose to take on a step child

But you keep telling me to stay out of it. Staying out of it as long as I continue to pay for DSDs accommodation and provisions of course.

OP posts:
scotsllb · 15/06/2020 19:48

Yes of course. But not all the responsibility as they have the child the most thus hindering their career opportunities and potentially meeting a new partner etc ..... and because the nrp has a duty to pay the required amount of maintenance to support their child

Bollss · 15/06/2020 19:49

@scotsllb

I think this is verging on the ridiculous now. No I'd never expect a rich resident parent to contribute to the household of the non resident. Why would they? If they nrp lives in a dump then they need to sort that out before having another family. They also need to sort out having adequate residency for their own child to stay as we all do. How is that on the nrp?
What you're saying is the nrp has to pay for the child in the other house, and if that leaves them unable to provide a nice place for the child to stay then that's their own problem. If the rp doesn't need the cash, that money should be spent making the nrps household nicer for the child.

It's not ridiculous at all. It's one thing that's very wrong where maintenance is considered.

scotsllb · 15/06/2020 19:49

I've told you why I told you stay out of it already Hmm purely because it will cause you grief. Doesn't mean I personally agree

funinthesun19 · 15/06/2020 19:49

Why should an ex who is a resident parent care if the nrp lives in a dump ?

As another person said, because their child also lives there. Imagine being a child going from a mansion to a little dumpy flat. The child would literally never want to see their other parent anymore, which I imagine would be the icing on the cake for the rp. Got the money and now get my child all to myself. Yippee.
I care where my ex lives. And I actually care about his wellbeing too. If I won the lottery I would buy him a house for my children to live in because that’s where he lives and he deserves to have a good life with them too.

And also... why should the new partner care if the ex lives in a dump? They are literally nothing to them.

scotsllb · 15/06/2020 19:52

I don't agree. I think that once the relationship is over the legal amount is applicable which is the bare minimum anyway and that's the end of it. Regardless of the nrp's income.
If the nrp lives in a house unsuitable for a child to stay in then that's a problem isn't it but their problem. Where do you draw the line at what's nice?

Original poster
TazSyd · 15/06/2020 19:53

and because the nrp has a duty to pay the required amount of maintenance to support their child

The monthly maintenance is nothing if the NRP is doing 50% plus of childcare though. In England at least. I don’t know if this is different in Scotland.

OP posts:
Bollss · 15/06/2020 19:53

@scotsllb

I don't agree. I think that once the relationship is over the legal amount is applicable which is the bare minimum anyway and that's the end of it. Regardless of the nrp's income. If the nrp lives in a house unsuitable for a child to stay in then that's a problem isn't it but their problem. Where do you draw the line at what's nice?
So it's ok for a child to visit an nrp in a shit hole, and their main home be a mansion. But it's not ok for the child to live in a shit hole and visit a mansion because in that case the nrp should keep them in the manner to which they are accustomed?

Right.

scotsllb · 15/06/2020 19:54

That's great and that would be the ideal situation that everyone helps each other but this isn't the norm is it.
Mostly these situations are drought with tensions.
And no the new partner doesn't have to a rats ass what the ex is up to or where they lives etc as long as the maintenance is being paid and the responsibility is being met

funinthesun19 · 15/06/2020 19:55

I think this is verging on the ridiculous now.
No I'd never expect a rich resident parent to contribute to the household of the non resident.
Why would they?

Because it’s a nice thing to do for their child so that they have a chance of having an equally good life with their other parent? Just like you would expect it if the nrp won the lottery. Why is this always so one sided?

scotsllb · 15/06/2020 19:57

Well if we are being pedantic.:... the ex would have a hefty divorce settlement to buy a bloody nice house from said multimillionaire wouldn't they if they were the less well off out the two.
So said child wouldn't be visiting a dump

Bollss · 15/06/2020 19:59

So basically yeah then as long as daddy's paying for everyone's lifestyle were happy. If daddy is poor then fuck him he can live in a hovel it's his own fault and why should anyone care.

Original poster
TazSyd · 15/06/2020 20:02

Perhaps moving to a secure country

I meant to pick this up earlier. Is there a reason you don’t think Poland is a secure country? I know it’s a derail but I’m interested to understand why you would say this?

OP posts:
scotsllb · 15/06/2020 20:03

It's not one sided!! The reality a lot of exes just don't get on and have separate lives end of.
The resident parent who is either mum or dad needs to have the contribution for the child they had met.
What's the issue with this? Why the angst?
Who cares who's got what or done this or that. The responsibility is still there and always will be.
Any person entering into a relationship with a person who is already a parent will know this ?!

Just pay what you are responsible for paying end of and then you make life choices that suit you after you've done so.

Op has some great ideas to smooth the road until the DH is back to work and normality resumes.

Original poster
TazSyd · 15/06/2020 20:03

Re asking about your user name earlier? You certainly seem to have a passion for family law.

OP posts:
scotsllb · 15/06/2020 20:04

Who said it has to be daddy? It's up to the nrp to sort their lifestyle out isn't it? They don't have a child to care for full time so in a much better position to do so

Bollss · 15/06/2020 20:06

@scotsllb

Who said it has to be daddy? It's up to the nrp to sort their lifestyle out isn't it? They don't have a child to care for full time so in a much better position to do so
So it's not up to the rp to sort their lifestyle out then?
scotsllb · 15/06/2020 20:08

Of course but they are still allowed to rely on and depend on the maintenance for the child they have the majority of care for? No?

funinthesun19 · 15/06/2020 20:09

But they wouldn’t exactly be relying on it would they? Let’s be real.

Bollss · 15/06/2020 20:10

Well I wouldn't advise anyone to rely or depend on maintenance no.

Like I've said I think maintenance here should be done the Swedish way where the financial situations of both parents are taken into consideration.

Original poster
TazSyd · 15/06/2020 20:14

Well I wouldn't advise anyone to rely or depend on maintenance no.

Likewise. Which is why I’ve made sure our family can survive on one income. Sadly redundancy is common now, with or without covid and everyone should have a plan in place in case there is a sudden loss of income.

OP posts:
scotsllb · 15/06/2020 20:22

I think this is digressing.
Someone may have to rely on maintenance and why not. Being a single parent is a damn sight harder than being in a couple.
It is harder to find and keep work, the majority of the childcare is on them and the bills and the emotional stuff.
It is harder arguably for a single parent to improve their prospects and unfortunately their is still a huge stigma attached.
The nrp can find all of the above with far greater ease as they have more time and freedom to do so.
Why is everyone being so angsty about this.
Surely it is only right that whoever lives with the children and has the largest caring responsibility then they need they get the maintenance required to support that.
50/50 requires no maintenance here either and if you and the ex are happy with that then that's a perfect solution.
No I'm not passionate about family.
What I am passionate about is women hating on each other for reasons that boil down to a man and his responsibility.
We can be here all day.
The model referred to is excellent but the culture there is very equal in terms of parenting and we sadly don't have that as such in the UK.

scotsllb · 15/06/2020 20:24

Well that's all well and good but millions and millions of people are unable to make such plans

Bollss · 15/06/2020 20:25

This thread is the very reason why it's not advisable to rely on maintenance because things change very quickly.

Yes, some people will have to but I'd advise if you can do without it for your day to day bills then do that because it can disappear v quickly.

scotsllb · 15/06/2020 20:29

Yes unfortunately that's the way but it's harder for the resident parent often to do so with the aforementioned barriers.