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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Redundancy and Child Maintenance

999 replies

TazSyd · 08/06/2020 12:23

DP is currently furloughed and found out last week that he is at risk of redundancy. He has been expecting this and thinks that there is a high chance that he will be made redundant. He’s been there less than 2 years, so will only be paid 1 month notice and accrued holiday pay. As he lives with me he will only be entitled to £75 a week contributions based benefits.

We have a DD together and he also has another daughter who lives with her mum but stays with us 2 nights a week (in normal times). One weeknight and also on a Friday night and Saturday day - we pick her up from school on Friday and drop her back at her mum’s after dinner on a Saturday. As DP has been furloughed, we (well he, as I have been working from home so haven’t done much childcare during the day for either DD or DSD) have been having her more often - more like a 50/50 split. Despite his drop in income and the increase in childcare, he hasn’t reduced the maintenance he pays to his ex.

I’ve spoken to a couple of recruiter friends and they’ve said that the employment market has picked up a bit but realistically they aren’t expecting it to pick up properly until September. So DP could well be unemployed for a few months.

DP will pay £7 per week out of his JSA to his ex but this is a lot less than he currently pays (£300 per month). I know I have no legal responsibility for DSD but should I top up the maintenance to DPs ex?

OP posts:
scotsllb · 15/06/2020 19:21

But surely that's just the territory of blended families? If you can't afford the £300 and have made the offer to care for your DSD to even it out thus reducing the ex's potential bills then yes that seems reasonable.
I don't see why you are separating yourself from it so much. Your dd and your dsd are siblings and both your family.
Everyone in this case is losing out because of your DPs position.
Maybe just the way you have worded it.

funinthesun19 · 15/06/2020 19:21

I bet loads of women would happily and gleefully take money from their ex’s partner if they were able to. I personally wouldn’t dream of it, but I know for a fact some would think it’s all fair and correct because the partner chose to be with a man with children.

funinthesun19 · 15/06/2020 19:24

The ex could be a multimillionaire it would make no difference.

I’d love it if the nrp’s partner was a multi millionaire and to see the hypocrisy come flowing through...

Original poster
TazSyd · 15/06/2020 19:24

I don't see why you are separating yourself from it so much. Your dd and your dsd are siblings and both your family.

Yet in your above posts you stated that it should be between DP and his ex and I should stay out of it?

OP posts:
scotsllb · 15/06/2020 19:24

Eh? What are you on about? If the first child's mum is a millionaire then how does that negates the fathers financial responsibility to her to still be equal to his subsequent children?
He still needs to meet his end! Same as if the dad was a millionaire and was resident parent the mum would still be paying the going rate of child maintenance.
Going on to have a second family when you already have children is a choice isn't it? All bases must be covered? To ensure that you can afford to keep first child in the lifestyle accustomed before you have more?

funinthesun19 · 15/06/2020 19:25

Everyone in this case is losing out because of your DPs position.

Yep. And the only problem the op has is her own household.

Original poster
TazSyd · 15/06/2020 19:26

I’d love it if the nrp’s partner was a multi millionaire and to see the hypocrisy come flowing through...

I’ll let you know if I win the lottery. Sadly, unless that happens, then no I’m not.

OP posts:
scotsllb · 15/06/2020 19:26

Yes op I believe you should stay out of it because you are clearly unhappy with it.
If you felt that it was your duty as part of the blended family to support all of you then there would be no need for this post would there?
You have spoken about you and dd losing out and why should you.
So on that basis yes don't pay for something that you feel you shouldn't

funinthesun19 · 15/06/2020 19:28

I’ll let you know if I win the lottery. Sadly, unless that happens, then no I’m not.

One word of advice, make sure it’s you who always buys the tickets and not your dp Wink

scotsllb · 15/06/2020 19:28

How do you mean the hypocrisy? Maybe I'm getting lost in translation.
The op has her own household to run,,, yeah which is a family unit with her DH? She is not solely running a household alone. Her DH and their children are all one family surely?

Original poster
TazSyd · 15/06/2020 19:32

The op has her own household to run,,, yeah which is a family unit with her DH? She is not solely running a household alone. Her DH and their children are all one family surely?

As previously stated, our household is losing 40% of our income, due to DP losing his job. We can survive on my salary and that is including the extra costs incurred by DSD if she continues to stay with us 3 plus nights per week, or more.

By our household I’m including DP, DD and me plus DSD. Or do you think DSD costs nothing when she stays with us?

OP posts:
funinthesun19 · 15/06/2020 19:33

How do you mean the hypocrisy? Maybe I'm getting lost in translation

I mean if the ex is a multimillionaire then there is no leeway for the nrp to make it easier on his household and he could be living in a dump and struggling and could use the extra money to make their own house nicer for their child when they go from a mansion to a tiny little terraced house.
But if the nrp’s partner became a multi millionaire it would be expected of her to make the ex’s life easier. Erm no.

Original poster
TazSyd · 15/06/2020 19:33

One word of advice, make sure it’s you who always buys the tickets and not your dp

Good point!

OP posts:
scotsllb · 15/06/2020 19:34

Anyway, I'm not meaning to cause offence etc. Merely saying that I believe men should be upholding their financial responsibility etc to ALL their children.
If that happened then the world would be a happier place.
I do personally believe though that is you take on a man with child or vice versa, marry and live as a family then all children step and bio become everyone's financial and emotional responsibility.

Bollss · 15/06/2020 19:34

@scotsllb

Eh? What are you on about? If the first child's mum is a millionaire then how does that negates the fathers financial responsibility to her to still be equal to his subsequent children? He still needs to meet his end! Same as if the dad was a millionaire and was resident parent the mum would still be paying the going rate of child maintenance. Going on to have a second family when you already have children is a choice isn't it? All bases must be covered? To ensure that you can afford to keep first child in the lifestyle accustomed before you have more?
See this is where I think the Swedish model is better. It's entirely pointless for a poor nrp to pay a rich rp. It doesn't benefit the child at all. They'd be better off keeping that money for when the child is with them.
Original poster
TazSyd · 15/06/2020 19:36

@scottsllb

Does your user name mean that you are studying law? Just out of interest.

OP posts:
scotsllb · 15/06/2020 19:38

funinthesun why though?
He's not making ex's life easier by being a multi millionaire, he's making his child's homeliife easier by providing the resident main carer of his child a place the child of multimillionaire should be living in.
Why should an ex who is a resident parent care if the nrp lives in a dump ? Their concern is only with their child not the ex's new ones?

scotsllb · 15/06/2020 19:38

Yes why?

Bollss · 15/06/2020 19:39

Why should an ex who is a resident parent care if the nrp lives in a dump ?

Because their child stays there?

scotsllb · 15/06/2020 19:41

Yeah but that's up to the nrp to make sure they have taken responsibility to provide suitable accommodation and provisions for their child surely? Not the rp?

Original poster
TazSyd · 15/06/2020 19:43

Why should an ex who is a resident parent care if the nrp lives in a dump ? Their concern is only with their child not the ex's new ones?

So should my concern only be with DD? Should I stop feeding and clothing DSD when she stays, tell her she can’t have a shower or use broadband?

OP posts:
Bollss · 15/06/2020 19:44

@scotsllb

Yeah but that's up to the nrp to make sure they have taken responsibility to provide suitable accommodation and provisions for their child surely? Not the rp?
Right so as long as the child has a nice life with the Rp, and the nrp contributes to that, they can go visit the nrp in a squat?

Okidoke.

scotsllb · 15/06/2020 19:44

Of course not because you chose to take on a step child. A non resident parent has no responsibility toward their ex's future children etc

Original poster
TazSyd · 15/06/2020 19:45

Yeah but that's up to the nrp to make sure they have taken responsibility to provide suitable accommodation and provisions for their child surely? Not the rp?

So using your argument, the RP should be sure they have taken responsibility to provide suitable accommodation and provisions for their child surely?

OP posts:
scotsllb · 15/06/2020 19:47

I think this is verging on the ridiculous now.
No I'd never expect a rich resident parent to contribute to the household of the non resident.
Why would they? If they nrp lives in a dump then they need to sort that out before having another family. They also need to sort out having adequate residency for their own child to stay as we all do. How is that on the nrp?

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