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Original poster

Redundancy and Child Maintenance

999 replies

TazSyd · 08/06/2020 12:23

DP is currently furloughed and found out last week that he is at risk of redundancy. He has been expecting this and thinks that there is a high chance that he will be made redundant. He’s been there less than 2 years, so will only be paid 1 month notice and accrued holiday pay. As he lives with me he will only be entitled to £75 a week contributions based benefits.

We have a DD together and he also has another daughter who lives with her mum but stays with us 2 nights a week (in normal times). One weeknight and also on a Friday night and Saturday day - we pick her up from school on Friday and drop her back at her mum’s after dinner on a Saturday. As DP has been furloughed, we (well he, as I have been working from home so haven’t done much childcare during the day for either DD or DSD) have been having her more often - more like a 50/50 split. Despite his drop in income and the increase in childcare, he hasn’t reduced the maintenance he pays to his ex.

I’ve spoken to a couple of recruiter friends and they’ve said that the employment market has picked up a bit but realistically they aren’t expecting it to pick up properly until September. So DP could well be unemployed for a few months.

DP will pay £7 per week out of his JSA to his ex but this is a lot less than he currently pays (£300 per month). I know I have no legal responsibility for DSD but should I top up the maintenance to DPs ex?

OP posts:
Bollss · 15/06/2020 20:36

@scotsllb

Yes unfortunately that's the way but it's harder for the resident parent often to do so with the aforementioned barriers.
Well that depends on a lot of things doesn't it.
scotsllb · 15/06/2020 20:37

Such as?

Bollss · 15/06/2020 20:43

What the contact arrangement is. What both parties came out with from the split. How educated they are. Whether they worked during the relationship or not.

Plenty of single parents do very well. It's offensive to say they all struggle.

scotsllb · 15/06/2020 20:51

I didn't say they all did. Nowhere did I say that.
And maintenance is reduced the more shares the contact is so less to pay.

Bollss · 15/06/2020 20:52

@scotsllb

I didn't say they all did. Nowhere did I say that. And maintenance is reduced the more shares the contact is so less to pay.
Yes I'm aware of that. Not by much and it's per night, which ime some rps use to their own financial advantage.
scotsllb · 15/06/2020 20:59

Equally by nrp too so they don't have to pay?

Bollss · 15/06/2020 21:03

@scotsllb

Equally by nrp too so they don't have to pay?
Well if I was an nrp I'd want more nights to actually yeno, see my kids. Is that so unbelievable?

Generally it's not up to the nrp what contact they get either so it's much harder for them to play the system as it were.

scotsllb · 15/06/2020 21:11

Why do you think people are all out to play the system?
No it's not but it's also not exclusive that the nrp wants to see their kids as much as possible as these forums show us over and over where some parents just don't want to know.
It seems the experiences of some are colouring the views of how it should be.
Is there really a load of money grabbing ex wives out there to fleece their ex? How do they do this if the CM determines what's paid?

Bollss · 15/06/2020 21:16

I don't. I think some of them are. Just as some nrps can't be arsed with their kids.

Is there really a load of money grabbing ex wives out there to fleece their ex? How do they do this if the CM determines what's paid?

A load? Maybe not. Some? Absolutely.

Well like dps ex they just refuse to pay for things so the other parents has to step up otherwise the child misses out. They arrange contact like dps ex did from 7am until 9pm so that it didn't affect maintenance. They just straight out ask you for more money all the bloody time. They blackmail you where the kids are concerned.

Not all rps are like this no. Most are great. Some arent.

scotsllb · 15/06/2020 21:24

That's awful, sorry to hear that you have to deal with that it must be so frustrating.

Bollss · 15/06/2020 21:27

It's frustrating yes. Though DSS is a teenager now so a good number of those issues have now gone away, she continues to be a negligent parent and there's absolutely eff all we can do about it. And we pay her a lot of money every month which we know doesn't get spent on DSS because she allows him to spend the majority of his time at his girlfriend's house.

So forgive me if I dont agree that we should all pity the poor RPS.

scotsllb · 15/06/2020 21:33

No we shouldn't feel pity for them all at all.
I don't receive any maintenance from my children's dad and he doesn't want any contact. It's rubbish but it is what it is we do fine without but it's sad that it happens.
Sad that any parent just doesn't parent and looks for the shortcut no matter if they are nrp or rp.

Original poster
TazSyd · 15/06/2020 21:34

@scotsllb

You seem to be ignoring this question.

Perhaps moving to a secure country

I meant to pick this up earlier. Is there a reason you don’t think Poland is a secure country? I know it’s a derail but I’m interested to understand why you would say this?

OP posts:
funinthesun19 · 15/06/2020 21:55

Well if I was an nrp I'd want more nights to actually yeno, see my kids. Is that so unbelievable?

Oh god me too. People assume that when an nrp wants more contact it’s all money orientated because they’ll have to pay less maintenance. Maybe if they were allowed to have their children more then the rp would have more freedom to improve their own life like they always go on about wanting to?

scotsllb · 15/06/2020 22:03

I'm not ignoring it, I thought the answer was obvious. The reason so many polish people come to live here.
I have friends who have moved here from Poland as they have said they standard of living was poor and jobs were few and far between.
That they can now afford some luxuries like dance classes for their kids and a bottle of perfume for themselves.
Secure as in secure living rather than a war zone

HugeAckmansWife · 16/06/2020 07:21

Poland is a, war zone??

Original poster
TazSyd · 16/06/2020 08:25

Very arrogant (and xenophobic) view of Poland.

OP posts:
Original poster
TazSyd · 16/06/2020 08:35

Plenty of single parents do very well. It's offensive to say they all struggle.

Agreed. If DP and I split up then I wouldn’t struggle but I do work full time and rely on my salary, rather than maintenance and benefits. I have several friends in the same situation.

This infantilising of single parents on benefits concerns me. The poor little women just couldn’t work out that having children before they were financially secure would have a negative impact on both them and their children.

OP posts:
funinthesun19 · 16/06/2020 09:02

This infantilising of single parents on benefits concerns me. The poor little women just couldn’t work out that having children before they were financially secure would have a negative impact on both them and their children.

I totally agree and I’m in that position, and still, I don’t expect people to feel sorry for me and make excuses for me.
I have come out of a very difficult relationship and finding my feet now. I am claiming benefits for the time being because I need to. But I really don’t want to live like this forever. I have ambitions for the future.

Also, unlike some single parents I do NOT think having a partner is always easier. It’s fucking easier without a man child slobbing about spending all of his wages on beers and fags. I’ve my own routines going and my children are so much happier.
I also know that I’ll have to work and manage and pay for childcare. That’s my problem not anyone else’s and certainly not any potential new partner my ex may have one day.

So yeah, I’m probably in the minority here. I should probably stay away from the Lone Parents board.

Original poster
TazSyd · 16/06/2020 09:41

There’s a spectrum of attitudes in all sectors of society.

You are claiming benefits while you find your feet again - which is what they are supposed to be there for.

OP posts:
scotsllb · 16/06/2020 10:37

It is certainly not xenophobic! It is a fact that many people feel that way and move here for a better life. I have friends who have done so.
And I never said Poland was a war zone Hmm

scotsllb · 16/06/2020 10:43

Who's infantilising single parents?
Who's saying anything about them not working or any such nonsense.
The point made was its often harder to do so and that again is still a reality.
My point was is that they should absolutely be able to rely on their child being maintained and supported by the other person who laid down and made them and chose to have them.
Why is that pissing you off?
Why is it relevant what a single parent does when the point being made is the father or nrp has the responsibility to upkeep his end no matter what?

scotsllb · 16/06/2020 10:47

I think you will find your views op are arrogant and assuming about your partners ex and you feel you shouldn't have to pay for her bad choices.
My point was you are not paying for her and choices you are paying or your DP is paying for a situation he created before you came along.
Why did he have a child with a women with no ambition? Why did he have a child he knew wouldn't be adequately supported by their mum alone?
Why don't you ask why you are in this situation instead of looking down your superior nose thinking you have done it all the right way?
Should have a chose a man who could pick his previous partners better

scotsllb · 16/06/2020 10:52

And fun in the sun that's my whole fucking point isn't it! These Men shouldn't be getting away with slobbing about and spending all their money on beer.
Should be a huge societal shift to make that behaviour abhorrent and that these men feel the same sense of responsibility and duty towards their children as the other parent does.
Does your ex pay you adequate maintenance to support your children?

Bollss · 16/06/2020 11:12

My point was is that they should absolutely be able to rely on their child being maintained and supported by the other person who laid down and made them and chose to have them

Yes, you should but you can't because redundancy happens, accidents happen, deaths happen ffs.

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