Redundancy and Child Maintenance

[TazSyd]

DP is currently furloughed and found out last week that he is at risk of redundancy. He has been expecting this and thinks that there is a high chance that he will be made redundant. He’s been there less than 2 years, so will only be paid 1 month notice and accrued holiday pay. As he lives with me he will only be entitled to £75 a week contributions based benefits.

We have a DD together and he also has another daughter who lives with her mum but stays with us 2 nights a week (in normal times). One weeknight and also on a Friday night and Saturday day - we pick her up from school on Friday and drop her back at her mum’s after dinner on a Saturday. As DP has been furloughed, we (well he, as I have been working from home so haven’t done much childcare during the day for either DD or DSD) have been having her more often - more like a 50/50 split. Despite his drop in income and the increase in childcare, he hasn’t reduced the maintenance he pays to his ex.

I’ve spoken to a couple of recruiter friends and they’ve said that the employment market has picked up a bit but realistically they aren’t expecting it to pick up properly until September. So DP could well be unemployed for a few months.

DP will pay £7 per week out of his JSA to his ex but this is a lot less than he currently pays (£300 per month). I know I have no legal responsibility for DSD but should I top up the maintenance to DPs ex?

All a matter of opinion, isn't it? Not low for you. Certainly low for others, particularly when trying to continue pay a mortgage.

It’s very nice luxury to have a mortgage. And also a choice.

Yes I absolutely do.
The reason being is that they did not lay down an procreate themselves did they? We are all at varying levels of ability in life and from varying backgrounds.
Our reasons for our choices are often beyond our conscious control. Perhaps moving to a secure country was a massive step for his ex and something she felt would improve the life of her and her child.
Maybe she is not intellectually capable of doing a masters. Does not make her any less eligible to have a child.
Maybe she had affairs for reasons you will never understand.
The point is that the men who create children must ensure they are paid for and taken of care of a priority as much as the mother.
Society lets men off with this and the implications are horrible.
As an educated successful woman I wonder why you did not pick a partner who also made well thought out choices in life

Yes I absolutely do

Insanity. If their was ever an incentive to behave stupidly and have unplanned children that is it!!

Op watch your payslips from now on. You might see a new tax coming out of your wage called the “Women Supporting Women” tax.

The point is that the men who create children must ensure they are paid for and taken of care of a priority as much as the mother.
Society lets men off with this and the implications are horrible.

If you answered my question, I missed it.

My question is that if I as a woman who earns more than DPs ex should use my income to support DPs ex (directly through maintenance), should there be a tax on all women who earn a higher wage to support women who don’t?

If you agree with that then I think you are wrong as you aren’t counting the cost, time and sacrifices these higher earning women make to be in higher paid jobs. Under grad and post grad degrees cost money and time, so does doing a professional qualification. In order to earn a higher salary then you generally have to work full time, sacrificing time with children. Do you genuinely think women who work full time should be taxed extra to pay for women who work part time?

@funinthesun19

I thought fanny tax was a bit more catchy?

I doubt that policy will win any elections though.

Taking her in lieu -is laughable.

It's not really laughable if he saves his ex hundreds on childcare on his days, if it's the equivalent to the amount he previously contributed. Having them more is considered equivalent to paying money when it comes to maintenance, hence why there isn't any money owed if it's 50/50.

Fanny tax works too op

Why are you saying women specifically though? It doesn't work that way does it?
No i already said you shouldn't be paying anything to her. That's your DPs issue.
Paying out tax does not go to just support feckless women popping out child after child?!
Wow what a strange attitude.
Yeah I'm well aware how much it costs I'm doing a professional degree myself as a single parent.
The ex like many other may not be capable of doing so.
I'll say it again where are the men paying for these children instead of expecting the state to pick up their slack then?
And how it is insanity? Another reason to let men evade their responsibilities you mean?
If society held men fully accountable rather then just the bare minimum payments the state would have less to shell out wouldn't it.
Can't get pregnant alone

And I am generalising. I know your DP was paying a over the recommended amount.
My point is let's not bash women when it's hard enough as it is.
Your feelings on your ex's actions I understand that they frustrate you and don't match with your values but they are really nothing to do with the specific situation.

And how it is insanity? Another reason to let men evade their responsibilities you mean?

Well you're basically saying have a baby in a not so great situation and get cash thrown at you paid for by people who have been sensible and can pay for their own kids?

If society held men fully accountable rather then just the bare minimum payments the state would have less to shell out wouldn't it

But you're agreeing to a tax. So we should punish everyone for people who have kids in shit financial situations?

We already have benefits for that ffs.

Maintenance should be paid for anything less than 50/50 care based on income. Which it is.

Cash thrown at you? How much is this hypothetical tax? And paid for just by hard working women to support useless lazy women and their illegiemate kids?
Can you not see they problem with the OP even asking whether that should be an option? That she actually feels somewhere that that is what she is being made to do anyway?

@scotsllb

Cash thrown at you? How much is this hypothetical tax? And paid for just by hard working women to support useless lazy women and their illegiemate kids? Can you not see they problem with the OP even asking whether that should be an option? That she actually feels somewhere that that is what she is being made to do anyway?

Well it was you that said yes we should have that so why don't you tell us!

Because I believe that as a society those that can afford to pay to support those a bit less fortunate should.
The women only part of it is ridiculous and saying absolutely yes was more along the lines of yes we should be supporting each other if we can.
In the end the children in these situations suffer the most through inequality and poverty etc.
Society in general needs to change massively for this to not be the case.
Relationships breakdown for a multitude of reasons none of them the fault of the children.
Why should either parent not be pulling full weight and responsibility financially and in every other way?
I'm struggling to see why that is unfair or insane?
Women in general do not aimlessly pop out kids to just sponge cash that is the minority

Why should either parent not be pulling full weight and responsibility financially and in every other way?

Don't think anyone has said they shouldn't tbh.

But it's hard to support someone financially when youve no job.

It's funny though how if women do not financially support their children ie they don't work that's a ok. But if men do the same thing ie like ops other half offering totally equal childcare they're called all the names under the sun.

And paid for just by hard working women to support useless lazy women

That was the original question. If I should use my salary to support DPs ex, then should there be a tax on specifically women who earn more (through working full time, study, hard work) to support women who have children that they are unable to support themselves? Because that is what some people have posted - that my DD and I should be financially penalised to support DPs ex because she is in a worse financial situation than I am, due to the decisions she has made. If that’s what I am expected to do, why shouldn’t it be extended to all women?

By the way, you used the words useless lazy women, not me.

That she actually feels somewhere that that is what she is being made to do anyway?.

Yes because some posters have said that I should use my salary to support DPs ex.

You implied she was though by saying she came over here to use the state, was uneducated etc...
Well it can swing round by saying you got involved with a man who had a previous family that requires paying for. You had a child and clearly budgeted that you could afford both as you are a blended family.
The money is for your dsds mum to run a house and provide for their child.
Not pocket money. Your husband chose to have a child with her, a lifetime responsibility and therefore if you marry into it surely you are impacted in some way?
Your child is also his equal lifetime responsibility.
Both deserve equal treatment and the lifestyle he can provide.

Both deserve equal treatment and the lifestyle he can provide

And at the moment he can provide care and not money.

Both children are impacted equally. Well actually no, ops child is impacted more because that child has financially lost less.

And OP I'm not being goady. I actually really feel for you. I was in a similar situation to yours and left as I couldn't stomach it anymore.
It's not for everyone. It depends how money in the household is viewed. If all the money is family money then I guess it's neither here nor their who's is it and should be paid as all the children are equal.
But if finances are separate and each pay their own bit then yes it's difficult.
I used to pay for the step kids out my own pocket as all money was pooled even though I earned more.
It didn't bother me as I saw it as all our children both mine and his as family who need supporting correctly and it's not the their mums business or problem how it happens.
The responsibility is there and it needs to be met by the family.
I know it's so difficult when the ex has different values etc from you and that's why I think it's best to just stay out as you have separate finances etc and leave him to deal with it and her.
You will only feel resentment and it causes bad blood

Both deserve equal treatment and the lifestyle he can provide.

Have you actually read the suggestions we have provided DPs ex with? Along with us asking her to tell us what works best for her, or coming up with something we haven’t thought of. We will take her views into account, as already stated.

Interestingly, you don’t think that DP having DSD “anything up to full time” is a solution worth thinking about. Is this because you are only thinking about the money?

Of course I think that is a great solution. Not only thinking of money no!
I merely did not understand why you started to bring up her past and and the rest when those points are entirely irrelevant

The ex could be a multimillionaire it would make no difference.
I think your suggestions of more care if that suits her etc are fair enough in the short term until he finds work.
I just don't understand why your personal views on her are relevant.

You implied she was though by saying she came over here to use the state, was uneducated etc...

Again, this was to those posters stating that I should pay DPs ex £300 per month, even though we have lost 40% of our income and we are offering to have DP anything up to 7 nights a week. Do you not think that DSD costs anything when she stays with us? Who do you think will be paying for that?

Some posters think that DD and I should be the ones being penalised. One of the reasons given for that was because I earn more than DPs ex - I explained the reasons why I earn more.

Ah ok so as long as first child has as much as second child that's fine. If second child has fuck all but first child is a multimillionaire that's fine.

This is what I mean. Second children often get a shit deal.