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Original poster

Redundancy and Child Maintenance

999 replies

TazSyd · 08/06/2020 12:23

DP is currently furloughed and found out last week that he is at risk of redundancy. He has been expecting this and thinks that there is a high chance that he will be made redundant. He’s been there less than 2 years, so will only be paid 1 month notice and accrued holiday pay. As he lives with me he will only be entitled to £75 a week contributions based benefits.

We have a DD together and he also has another daughter who lives with her mum but stays with us 2 nights a week (in normal times). One weeknight and also on a Friday night and Saturday day - we pick her up from school on Friday and drop her back at her mum’s after dinner on a Saturday. As DP has been furloughed, we (well he, as I have been working from home so haven’t done much childcare during the day for either DD or DSD) have been having her more often - more like a 50/50 split. Despite his drop in income and the increase in childcare, he hasn’t reduced the maintenance he pays to his ex.

I’ve spoken to a couple of recruiter friends and they’ve said that the employment market has picked up a bit but realistically they aren’t expecting it to pick up properly until September. So DP could well be unemployed for a few months.

DP will pay £7 per week out of his JSA to his ex but this is a lot less than he currently pays (£300 per month). I know I have no legal responsibility for DSD but should I top up the maintenance to DPs ex?

OP posts:
Original poster
TazSyd · 11/06/2020 13:40

Then school restarts. Conveniently I bet it's back to mum's once there's school runs to do daily

DPs ex does the school run on Monday, Tuesday, Wed morn, Thurs night and Fri morning. You seem to have forgotten that she only works on Wed/Thurs/Sat. Whereas DP and I both worked full time.

Wed eve - I use my flexi time to finish early and pick up DSD
Thurs morn - we do the school run
Thurs eve - DP pays for art club but ex does the pick up
Fri eve - we do pick up as DP finishes early on Fri

OP posts:
Giespeace · 11/06/2020 13:46

But when it's money going to the ex, suddenly, it's seen like an outrage to provide it on his behalf. But of course, it's nothing personal...
Well, yes. Because it’s not money that’s “owed”, it’s not a household bill within OPs household (she’s already said she’ll be paying be for DSD while she is with them), and it’s still very unclear to me why the mother of one of this mans children (who, incidentally is shouldering a far greater share of burden of this redundancy as its 40% of her households income, not £300) should be paying any money to the other.

NoHardSell · 11/06/2020 13:47

She did the school run

All these possible changes seem to involve her always being there to fit in around changes. Kind of like she really is the primary caregiver, regardless of 50:50 when it suits your partner, 70:30 for a few weeks to save £, then 20:80 if his shifts don't suit

That isn't really the attitude of someone who is genuinely jointly and equally sharing childcare responsibilities. It's the attitude of someone who dips in and out as it suits them but assumes the other parent is always there to pick up the slack

That might work for the ex, I don't know. To be fair it might only be your attitude not your partners. But it wouldn't be much use to a lot of parents with overall primary care responsibilities.

Original poster
TazSyd · 11/06/2020 13:49

@dontdisturbmenow

So you think I should use my salary (from full time work) to subsidise DPs ex’s income (from part time work)?

OP posts:
Original poster
TazSyd · 11/06/2020 13:51

@NoHardSell

English comprehension not your strong point?

OP posts:
Howaboutanewname · 11/06/2020 13:56

So it’s about how hard you and your partner work vs how hard you think she doesn’t work?

I strongly believe it’s possible for single parents to hold down full time work. However, having struggled in my early years of single parenthood and in recognition that I am lucky when it comes to wraparound care and my own job, it isn’t easy and as I have gone on to earn more, I have pulled back from full time to part time and made up my hours (and some) with less demanding work which has eased things enormously. It is not always possible or to up your yours at work because someone else lost their job, nor is it always possible to get flexitime or anything else that might make work easier. You’re getting stick, OP, because you are constantly blaming the ex for a situation that isn’t of her making.m

NoHardSell · 11/06/2020 13:56

It's June now. Still on taxpayer benefit furlough pay. Then redundancy perhaps, so that's maybe July possibly August, with the full salary for that month, then it's September and schools are back. This 50:50 childcare would be starting then? Does that actually work around school pickup dropoffs? Presumably the school is not 40 miles away from you as well?

Or were you really thinking it'd be handy to save ££ over the summer when there's not much to do, he stays at home no job waits til September when recruiters say his field will be picking up, none of the day to day hassle of school runs and homework, give ex £7 a month, but then when you need her again for all the annoying bits like school runs, back she comes to pick up the 70:30 /80:20

Bollss · 11/06/2020 13:57

So it’s about how hard you and your partner work vs how hard you think she doesn’t work?

No it's about the fact that this is not ops child nor her financial responsibility.

Original poster
TazSyd · 11/06/2020 13:57

I’ve got another idea to add into the mix. DPs ex gets a full time job (just like I have with a 3 year old DD), her kids are 9 and 11, so I can’t see a reason why she shouldn’t be working full time.

DP can stay at home and be a SAHP for both DD and DSD (providing upwards up 50/50 care for DSD, so no maintenance needs to be paid).

Problem solved.

OP posts:
Original poster
TazSyd · 11/06/2020 14:00

Still on taxpayer benefit furlough pay.

He pays tax, whilst on furlough and he’s paid a lot more into the system than he is taking out.

OP posts:
RaceDayCrumbs · 11/06/2020 14:01

DP can stay at home and be a SAHP for both DD and DSD (providing upwards up 50/50 care for DSD, so no maintenance needs to be paid).

This is a great idea.

Original poster
TazSyd · 11/06/2020 14:04

You’re getting stick, OP, because you are constantly blaming the ex for a situation that isn’t of her making.

She’s in this situation because she had an affair.

She insisted on living beyond her means and put the costs on credit.

Why should I have to pay for her actions?

OP posts:
NoHardSell · 11/06/2020 14:10

@TazSyd

You’re getting stick, OP, because you are constantly blaming the ex for a situation that isn’t of her making.

She’s in this situation because she had an affair.

She insisted on living beyond her means and put the costs on credit.

Why should I have to pay for her actions?

You don't have to

Almost noone on here thinks you should

I think your ex should support his child and you should stop pretending you don't hate her and think she's a lazy cow, passing off your resentment as 'how good you are to be considering paying her' when you never had any intention of doing so

The pair of you have decided he'll take the summer off and save the maintenance money. You feel residual guilt as you know, deep down, £7 is taking the piss. All the rest of this is to make you feel better.

NoHardSell · 11/06/2020 14:11

@RaceDayCrumbs

DP can stay at home and be a SAHP for both DD and DSD (providing upwards up 50/50 care for DSD, so no maintenance needs to be paid).

This is a great idea.

Yep. Keep doing it beyond August (fat chance) and it would be an even better idea
AskingforaBaskin · 11/06/2020 14:12

I think your ex should support his child

FFS HE IS!!
He is hparenting, feeding and housing the child just as much as the mother.

Just like A SAHM contributes to the family with zero income....

Bollss · 11/06/2020 14:12

Yep. Keep doing it beyond August (fat chance) and it would be an even better idea

Sorry but why do you think you know ops husband better than she does?

What is your problem?

Bollss · 11/06/2020 14:13

I think your ex should support his child

He is ffs!!!!! It's not just money that is support you know.

dontdisturbmenow · 11/06/2020 14:15

Because it’s not money that’s “owed”
No, its money that goes to support his child, so certainly more 'owed' by principle other money for a car for instance.

So you think I should use my salary (from full time work) to subsidise DPs ex’s income (from part time work)?
This is exactly why I don't sympathise for your situation. You clearly see maintenance as money that just goes in her pocket rather than to support his child.

In fact I have the same view as you. I have little sympathy for single mothers of school kids who choose to work PT happy to rely on benefits and maintenance.

But...say it as it is, that it suits you that your OH will be home to look after your child, saving childcare costs and only having to pay minimum payment rather than making it that he has no choice in the matter.

Bollss · 11/06/2020 14:18

@dontdisturbmenow

Because it’s not money that’s “owed” No, its money that goes to support his child, so certainly more 'owed' by principle other money for a car for instance.

So you think I should use my salary (from full time work) to subsidise DPs ex’s income (from part time work)?
This is exactly why I don't sympathise for your situation. You clearly see maintenance as money that just goes in her pocket rather than to support his child.

In fact I have the same view as you. I have little sympathy for single mothers of school kids who choose to work PT happy to rely on benefits and maintenance.

But...say it as it is, that it suits you that your OH will be home to look after your child, saving childcare costs and only having to pay minimum payment rather than making it that he has no choice in the matter.

Ffs it's not her child she "owes" nothing.

Ps he was never paying the minimum payment so try reading the thread before sticking the boot In.

There's no need for this.

DogBowlSpaghetti · 11/06/2020 14:41

It’s baffles me that there’s an expectation the step parent should step up and subsidise the Mans CMS. Like the hit to your own household isn’t enough when you lose income.

Original poster
TazSyd · 11/06/2020 14:51

and you should stop pretending you don't hate her and think she's a lazy cow, passing off your resentment as 'how good you are to be considering paying her' when you never had any intention of doing so

I don’t hate her, I barely know her. I didn’t make the same choices in life as her though. In the same way that I am responsible for the choices I have made in life, she should be responsible for the choices she has made.

OP posts:
Original poster
TazSyd · 11/06/2020 14:53

Yep. Keep doing it beyond August (fat chance) and it would be an even better idea

We’d save a fortune in nursery fees. DPs ex would be worse off though - can’t get any maintenance from 0 income.

OP posts:
WhatIsLife20 · 11/06/2020 14:55

While he is furloughed then unemployed, if he does 50/50 responsibility, I think paying the £7 a week plus an extra £50 would be fine. Then once he gets a job, he goes back to the 2 nights a week and pays the full £300. See what your DSD's mum thinks about this? I think it would be a fair situation given what is going on and the fact he is losing his job

AskingforaBaskin · 11/06/2020 14:56

Why would he pay anything if he is doing the same amount of parenting?

Bollss · 11/06/2020 15:01

While he is furloughed then unemployed, if he does 50/50 responsibility, I think paying the £7 a week plus an extra £50 would be fine

Why would he pay anything if he's doing his 50%?