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Step-parenting

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Original poster

DP's kids still not allowed to visit

59 replies

DrDetriment · 05/06/2020 08:29

My DP's ex stopped contact with his children in March and has since then consistently used the corona virus to prevent then from coming here for their court ordered weekends. The children are now back at school but she's still saying they can't come because he has to bring them here by train. It's a quiet train and they would wear masks and keep social distancing etc. Surely if they are back at school it must be ok for them to use public transport or are we being unreasonable? The children desperately miss their dad and we are both worried about the impact that not seeing him has had on them.

OP posts:
Myfriendanxiety · 05/06/2020 08:30

If they have a court order then you will need to go back to court to have it enforced.

Original poster
DrDetriment · 05/06/2020 08:32

We will but I guess I'm after people's thoughts about whether if they are at school we are being reasonable in expecting contact to resume.

OP posts:
TurtleEye · 05/06/2020 08:34

Could you get taxis?

Original poster
DrDetriment · 05/06/2020 08:37

I'd be more worried about sitting in a taxi than them being on a train as given how quiet the train is they might even have a carriage to themselves. DP would be with them he could make sure they stay away from other people. Unfortunately we don't have a car big enough to collect them in.

OP posts:
Pebblexox · 05/06/2020 08:41

I personally wouldn't be taking my daughter on a train at the moment. Public transport is getting busier, and yes they may be at school but there's also the risk that they're carrying the virus and could pass it on to other people.
Is it not an option for your do to go and visit them? Rather than them come to you?
If you have a court order in place, obviously thinks are different, and that would perhaps need to be enforced.

Original poster
DrDetriment · 05/06/2020 08:45

We would happily go and visit them but their mum won't let DP (or me) anywhere near her flat. He has to wait at the gate in the rain until she decides to let the children out. It seems that everything is always on her terms and she won't even discuss this with DP, she just dictates how he should collect them etc. He has PR but she does not even pretend to co parent. I know I sound bitter but I can see on zoom calls how desperately the kids need their dad as well as their mum. In my experience with the courts they just give mum whatever she asks for.

OP posts:
Original poster
DrDetriment · 05/06/2020 08:46

Yes there is a court order.

OP posts:
Missmonkeypenny · 05/06/2020 08:50

How many children does he have? Surely one of you driving to collect them would fit up to 4 kids in a car?

Original poster
DrDetriment · 05/06/2020 08:53

I have a two seater sports car.

OP posts:
BeyondDreamsOfBeyondFourWalls · 05/06/2020 09:01

Nasty of his ex to make it rain every time he collects them!!

Seriously though, how often are they meant to be with you?

Chloemol · 05/06/2020 09:02

Why can’t you hire a larger car? Or borrow one from someone

mamaoffourdc · 05/06/2020 09:04

You need to change your car then

Myfriendanxiety · 05/06/2020 09:04

Does your DP not have his own car? I would suggest he buys a cheap one with enough seats for his children to enable him to collect more easily.

What would you do in the event of an emergency if you couldn’t get to them?

SuperficialSuzie · 05/06/2020 09:04

Hiring a car seems the simple answer

CandyLeBonBon · 05/06/2020 09:05

Change cars. A two seater sports car is not a practical vehicle is it? I'm afraid that's the reality of life with kids!

Spied · 05/06/2020 09:07

Two seater sports car hardly conductive to family lifeHmm
I'd not be happy my DC travelling on a train either. Regardless of the train being empty when they are on it you don't know who's just got off and what they've touched/sneezed on.
Maybe DM doesn't trust that they will be safe and that you and their Dad follow social distancing rules etc.

Mum2Girls19 · 05/06/2020 09:09

I'm sorry but i'm kinda with the mum here.
Ok the kids have gone back to school most schools have set rules in place to make it suitable and children are in bubbles thus limiting social contact and only on certain days.
My year 6 has gone back for 2 days a week, we walk there and back and she changes clothes when she comes in, her sisters are still at home not allowed to go back to school, would I be sending them to their dads this weekend on a train...nope
Travelling on a train or other public transport is something I wouldn't be doing if necessary.
Could their dad possibly come and see them social distancing for the day and their dad travel to them??
Maybe try and suggest that...
Maybe the mums scared, have you tried talking to her about it, its a scary situation right now, i dont even allow my children into our local shop with me.
I think you need to be sensitive and not think its all about no contact, its not easy having children at home all day every day with no end goal of normality.
She would perhaps love a break yet you both are not showing any support and just on Mumsnet moaning about contact.

Spied · 05/06/2020 09:09

She may trust school to keep her DC safe but worry about you and their Dad.

mommymooo · 05/06/2020 09:11

I have a step son. He has to come to Warwickshire from London he stays 2-3 weeks here then back to his mom for the same as he isn't going back to school till September.
Was getting a bit argumentative at first about the virus but both families have zero symptoms so it's working we both are very strict on the social distancing etc we will always put the child first.

Stuckforlong · 05/06/2020 09:12

I think hiring a car or changing your car is the way forward

TeddyIsaHe · 05/06/2020 09:12

Definitely get a bigger car. Do you not go on family days out when you have the children? Beach, park etc? Sadly when you are a step-parent the children come before vehicles! Or your Dp needs to buy his own.

And you need to go back to court if she’s breaching an order. Obviously she’s not going to change her mind so go down the legal route.

WriteAndErase · 05/06/2020 09:13
Hmm
Magda72 · 05/06/2020 09:33

Well firstly if the op chooses to keep her two seater sports car that's totally her business - it's not up to her to provide a car for her sdc.
Why their father doesn't have a car is the real issue.
I wouldn't be keen on public transport atm, but then I'm in Ireland where lockdown is pretty draconian & no one is back at school.

SistemaAddict · 05/06/2020 09:33

Can't mum drop them off and collect them? I wouldn't be happy about the train either. How far away do they live from you? I suspect there's a lot more to this from what you've said and not says.

TreeTopTim · 05/06/2020 09:44

I agree with those saying maybe you need to hire a bigger car. Does your dp drive?

If the mum is being awkward for the sake of being awkward then you might want to look at going back to court.