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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Holidaying with my kids only?

115 replies

Bookaholic73 · 01/02/2020 09:00

I am living with my partner, my 2 teens and his 2 kids who are under 12.
I said to my other half that I’d really like to go on holiday with my kids.
He thinks I’m being unreasonable, and that we should all go together.
What do you think?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

sassbott · 01/02/2020 09:26

What exactly does he object to?

I holiday with just my children all the time. It’s invaluable bonding time. Plus the activities your teens can fully enjoy are vastly different to under 12’s. Why should you and your children compromise on the great fun things you can do with teens?

Clangus00 · 01/02/2020 09:32

So long as it’s just you going with your children then I don’t see an issue. However if you expect him to go without his children, I think that’s wrong.

YouJustDoYou · 01/02/2020 09:33

Based on the age differences alone I would. There's nothing wrong with just wanting to take your kids away on your own.

finn1020 · 01/02/2020 09:36

It’s fine to go by yourselves.

ColumbaPalumbus · 01/02/2020 09:37

It depends on it you'd like the kids to eventually see themselves as a family of not. It sends a fairly clear signal that you are two families who live together for the sake of the parents relationship.

LatentPhase · 01/02/2020 09:41

I don’t think it sends a message. It’s a holiday with her parent. Doesn’t need to be a big deal if everyone is secure in their relationships.

How long have you all lived together, and how much time are the kids together?

LatentPhase · 01/02/2020 09:42

I think with teens holidays are important bonding time.

cuckooken · 01/02/2020 09:48

I think it's a fucking awful thing to do. Do you treat them so differently on the day to day as well?

cuckooken · 01/02/2020 09:50

Sorry I may have misread. You are planning g to leave the step kids and your DH at home?

LolaSmiles · 01/02/2020 09:51

If you're taking your children away with you then YANBU.

If you want to take your children away with you and your DH and expect his kids to stay at home then YABU.

Techway · 01/02/2020 09:54

I think it is fine but he may need to understand your rationale for doing so. Perhaps he feels it is the beginning of the end. Has he ever had solo time with his children?

Could you also have a joint holiday? Are finances separate?

WendyMoiraAngelaDarling · 01/02/2020 09:55

I think it's a fucking awful thing to do. Do you treat them so differently on the day to day as well?

So kids can never holiday alone with their parent once that parent has decided to introduce and shack up with some random the kids would never really have been bothered about having in their lives?

Mandarinfish · 01/02/2020 09:55

Assuming your DH stays at home with his kids I think YANBU.

TippledPink · 01/02/2020 09:56

Agree with others- you and your kids WITHOUT DH, fine. You, DH and your kids leaving out his kids, absolutely not.

millymollymoomoo · 01/02/2020 10:03

If you have a holiday with yours, your dh has one with just his children plus you also do some holidays as an extended family I think it’s fine
If you’re saying you only ever want to holiday with just yours then no that isn’t ok

Sooverthemill · 01/02/2020 10:05

We used to alternate half terms with DHs ex. So one may half term we would have a holiday with all the kids his and ours and the next we would holiday with just ours. No one minded and the DSC holidayed with their mum and step dad too. Summer holidays were always all together

cuckooken · 01/02/2020 10:07

Wendy

I actually didn't say that at all. I may have misread which I posted straight after the post of mine you quoted as I thought OP was talking about her and her DH excluding his children. I'm not the only person to question it though so it's obviously not very clear.

PityParty4one · 01/02/2020 10:10

You going away with your DC no issue.
You and DH going with your DC and leaving his behind absolutely wrong.

funinthesun19 · 01/02/2020 10:11

You have every right to go with just your kids and I think your kids will really appreciate the quality time with just you.

Your dh can always do the same with his kids. If he chooses not to or can’t afford it, then that’s not your problem is it?

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/02/2020 10:13

Does he not want to do something with just his? Is that because he’s used to you doing most of the parenting?

Would you be paying for your holiday with your kids?

Fivetillmidnight · 01/02/2020 10:31

Why the fuck would I want to leave MY DH at home if I went in holiday with my kids ?? Going on holiday is relaxing , happy downtime. I would not wish to go on holiday without my DH. Unless for some reason it was a specific activity holiday related to something MY kids and I enjoy but DH doesn't. (Skiing in our case)

This obsession in MN that everyone child has to be treated equally is unrealistic bollox. If I am paying for a holiday, then I am paying for MY children and MY husband.

In the same way that DH ex wife does not take MY kids on the numerous holidays that she enjoys with my Dsc..

This ridiculous concept that equality is everything would mean that MY children would never get a holiday as I can't afford to pay for 4 extra , yet my Dsc would enjoy multiple holidays with their mother and stepfather because his kids are all adults.

Once a year my DH and I pool resources for one holiday with all of us. No one appears to feel hard done by but no one is going to convince me that just because I have remarried a man with children that I can't decide who I go on holiday with, my money , my choice.

cuckooken · 01/02/2020 10:35

This obsession in MN that everyone child has to be treated equally is unrealistic bollox. If I am paying for a holiday, then I am paying for MY children and MY husband.

If I was your wife I would probably divorce you. What a hideous attitude. There are 2 children, under 12 years old that are part of the family unit. They all live together. Should those 2 children really be treated like they are so unimportant?

PityParty4one · 01/02/2020 10:36

Five

The step DC live with the OP. Would it also be ok to take his children away and leave hers at home?

Fivetillmidnight · 01/02/2020 10:42

Well don't be daft it they are under 12 and live with their father and the OP he couldn't go anyway unless they fend for themselves. !

cuckooken · 01/02/2020 10:44

Well don't be daft it they are under 12 and live with their father and the OP he couldn't go anyway unless they fend for themselves. !

Are you always that simple?

I mean you can't for a minute imagine that someone else could look after them?

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