Holidaying with my kids only?

[Bookaholic73]

I am living with my partner, my 2 teens and his 2 kids who are under 12.
I said to my other half that I’d really like to go on holiday with my kids.
He thinks I’m being unreasonable, and that we should all go together.
What do you think?

It sounds amazing op, totally go for it.

@Bookaholic73 thing is, dealing with all the whinging etc (rather than relaxing by the pool) is parenting when you have preteen siblings. And you're right: that's his job.

But since no one would get to enjoy the relaxing by the pool under those circumstances, it makes sense to go with your teens on your own.

I do not think everything has to be equal is crap. I think that you are interchanging equal with " the same" they are not the same. It is perfectly possible to treat them equally without doing exactly the same. You will also notice I am saying I am all for op and her biological children going on holiday together without step side of family. I think it is a good idea.

Obviously I can not be fully objective about something that hurt me deeply as a child. I can, however, tell you what that feels like for the stepchild. It is up to you if you listen or not.

@Enko

I was that stepchild who had to watch my then step mother take her dd to Grece whilst dad to my brother and I to live in a borrowed flat in the capital for the same time.

The issue is that your dad couldn't afford to take you away. I don't see that your Stepsister should have missed out because her mum married a man who wasn't in a great position financially.

If your SM didn't take her DD, the DD would have been resentful that her lifestyle of previously going on holidays out of the country stopped when she married your dad.

Can you see it looks from the POV of your SS.

Maybe this is a good reason to be with someone in a similar income bracket as a blended family.

How did holidays work last year whilst he was working to support the household? Did he only take his?

@SandyY2K Incorrect that was not the issue. It was a joint decision they made.

I have several times said that I felt that the Op SHOULD go with her children. I simply feel that her partner should go somewhere with HIS children too.

@WooMaWang
I know what you mean about your DP preferring activities your DS can do.

Ive noticed even in non blended families, if there is an age gap between the DC, dads prefer to do stuff with the older kids... because they can do more.

I often observe this on holidays, mum is stuck with the toddlers and dad is off on the higher slides...the more daring rides at the funfair.

I've got 2 DC with a 2 year age gap and my DH used to do this as well. I wasn't resentful because they're both my kids and because DH is such an adventurous person, I preferred to make sure he didn't push them beyond their limits on water slides and rides.

OP... I can see how unrelaxing it would be around the pool with younger kids.

I'm always worried about accidents around a pool with kids... your teens wouldn't cause that worry.

@Enko

It was a joint decision they made

They made a joint decision for you and your brother to have crappy UK holidays and your SM went away with her DD to places like Greece?

If that's correct, it's your dad's fault. He should have been looking out for you.

I simply feel that her partner should go somewhere with HIS children too.

That's his choice to make it not. It's not the OPs responsibility to ensure this happens.

@SandyY2K A different way of saying what I am saying...

However, I truly did enjoy the idea of my father having less money to spend than any of his wives (he has been married 5 times 3 of those women very much did so for his money)

My kids are on the under 12 category. I've just started doing adventurous holidays as they are just old enough to enjoy it! Presumably op has done her years of toddler holidays. She inbu to want the payoff of spending time with the young adults she raised before they fly the nest.

I didn't get many holidays growing up, my parents prioritised other things. But we did one holiday together when I was 16 and my brother 18 and it is a fab memory of the end of childhood (he went to uni a few weeks later).

I don't think the holidays have to be equal, I've loved doing self catering in the UK with small kids, the smaller kids will get more adventurous holidays when they get bigger.

@Enko

I really don't understand what you mean by this.

However, I truly did enjoy the idea of my father having less money to spend than any of his wives

I can't tell if it's sarcasm with no sound or visuals.

If you enjoyed it why the resentment?

Did your dad and SM agree that you had the holidays you did and his wife and DD went away?

Honesty? Go for it. I have been just taking one DC for 1-2 night stays - there is a 6year gap & boy / girl... they are polar opposite in every way.
It's a special time. And it will help greatly with your relationships. Just be prepared that DP will want to do the same with his kids.

I forgot to say it wouldn’t bother me at all if/when he did the same with his kids. Again, it just means I’ll have that precious time with my kids.

it wouldn’t bother me at all if/when he did the same with his kids.

I think your posts have been really clear and I can see it wouldn't bother you him going away with his DC.

I agree with a pp, that it tends to be mums who recognise the need for this kind of time away.

I very much doubt an 11 and 9 yo would want a lay by the pool relaxing holiday anyway.

Have you explained to him why you only want to go with your DC? If so does he understand your reasoning?

He needs to enjoy his kids at the age they are and not make you feel bad/guilty that you have to have a family friendly holiday.

That's his choice to make it not. It's not the OPs responsibility to ensure this happens.

Very true. its really clear from the OP's posts that she has no issue with her DH taking his kids away on his own. They have similar levels of disposable income. He could easily do it.

But she has (totally rightly) pointed out that he might choose to spend it on a whole range if other things. It's not the OP's fault (and she's not a wicked stepmother) if his kids end up missing out on or getting inferior holidays because their dad prioritised having a fancy new car or whatever.

As a child in that situation, it might seem like an injustice. And it would be so easy to blame the stepmum (isn't it always). But in any supposedly awful stepmum situation there's always a father who isn't advocating for his kids as he should. And quite often he's probably benefitting from everyone assuming that his children are disadvantaged by the nasty stepmum rather than his choices and priorities. The cultural myth of the evil stepmum is so strong that it's very easy for even otherwise very nice guys to end up in situations like this. Even more so when you consider his little responsibility we (as a culture) tend to attribute to fathers.

To be honest even if their incomes were very different and the op had more money, I don’t see why the op’s children should miss out on a holiday with their mum just to protect everyone else’s feelings.

Op, there is an age difference between my DC and my DP’s DC and we have the exact same issue.

My Dc are older, more independent. Can do things now without needing an adult watching them. Can entertain themselves. Can go get a snack or a drink themselves. Go back to the room without needing an adult. Go sit by the pool without an adult. Lie in/ wake up earlier and be independent. They have stamina and so the things we can do are much more varied.

Holidays with my Dc are now a joy because of all of the above. Holidays with my DP’s Dc are exhausting. Because, well. Holidays with younger children are. We’ve both been there and done that with our own children and now are the ages to sit back and enjoy the benefits of having older children. And to get to know them as they grow into young adults.

I love my time with my children now. I would brace myself when they were younger and often return from a weeks holiday needing another holiday. But that’s what every parent with young children probably goes through. Holidays with young children (especially if you don’t use kids clubs / have extra help in the form of grandparents etc) are exhausting.

Holidays with teens are not. As others have said, your DP wants the help with his children, nothing more or less. And that help comes at the detriment of you and your children’s enjoyment. It’s quite selfish behaviour.

What a load of nonsense.

Presumably your SC have holidays with their mum?

My SC have been to Disney Orlando around 7 times now with their mun, we could never afford that for our DC.

My exh goes on holidays with his dw & their two aged 3 & 4. Most of the time he doesn't take our two who are 14 & 17 as he can't afford it & the age gap is too big - if they're having a staycation a renting a house by the sea my two will sometimes go to join them for a few days. Is he honestly supposed to say to his dw that she & her/their small kids cannot have a holiday unless his teenagers are coming too???
Are my two traumatised? No - they're fine & do plenty of other things with their dad! They also get a good holiday with me every year & a long weekend away with their dad if he can manage it.
The negative comments on this whole thread are bonkers & again I'll say that this precious attitude towards children & especially nr sc is going to raise an entitled generation who believe they should be put first in every damn thing.
Honestly - people need to grow up & stop behaving like sc's are somehow disadvantaged members of society!

My eldest (then 18) categorically did not want to come with us when I offered to take him on a beach type holiday with his younger brother (then 9) and DP's little kids (then 5 and 2). That seems fair enough really - holidaying with small kids is not relaxing. And the eating out possibilities were depressing (for a range of child-related reasons).

He's not left out or disadvantaged. He just didn't fancy having to build bloody sandcastles.

Absolutely fine to do that, he can take his kids somewhere at the same time that's more geared to younger families.

We do this as dss is 16 and my 2 are 8&10 dss goes on 3 holidays a year with his mum whereas we get 1 holiday dss only wants to stay indoors on phone or in bed which is absolutely fine when he comes to stay with us but not on holiday and dp comes with me and my DC on holiday fuck going without him

I have 2 adult stepsons and one son of my own
We did over the years various types holidays
Me & DH no kids
Me and DH & only my son
Me DH his kids my son and my niece
Me and my son on our own or with my nieces sisters
DH & his two kids on there own
All the kids are adults now they all get along with each other just fine none of them feel that they were given a terrible childhood because they didn’t get every single holiday with there dad
I appreciate though that we have always been in a position to do several holidays a year

Of course you can OP

Go for it