Husband is best friend to son rather than parent

[sadlycindy]

We have a 1 year old and DH has a son aged 13 he sees every other weekend. I struggle to get to know my SS. He is very quiet but he idolises his Dad, so I feel left out a lot of the time when he is round. He’ll cuddle up to his Dad on the sofa, which I know is nice...but I feel like I don’t know how I fit in. My husband let’s him do what he wants so I feel kind of like he’s untouchable and don’t dare try to parent him - when I have before DH hasn’t been happy It almost feel like a celebrity is round when he comes round 🤷🏻‍♀️

My and DS visited family this weekend in Wales. When I got back DH has told me his son asked if can he play the PS4 all weekend like last time I went away. DH said yes. They had a diet of dominoes, burgers, fish and chips and super noodles.

I just feel like why would SS want me around when his Dad is so much more fun letting him eat what he wants and play fortnite all day every day.

I feel such an outsider in my own home.

Please be gentle with me, I am struggling with anxiety at the moment and low self esteem so please be kind in any replies.

Your post makes no sense.

I think 1year olds are quite boring compared to 13 year olds. I don’t see anything wrong with him having a boys weekend when you are gone, sometimes my OH takes our DS out for the day for a boys day and I’ll have a girls day with my DD. Like you said, it’s not every weekend and it was when you’ve been away twice. Two boys weekends does not a bad father make.

Wow, he loved the freedom when he split from his ex. Yes what a great dad, enjoying the 2 days in 14 being a lad with his son, gaming, eating junk food and then sending him back to his mum, who could carry on with the grunt work of being a responsible parent for the next 12 days. You just said that one of the reasons his ex split with him was because even when they were together he didn’t help with the kids.

What a catch OP.

He says to me that when DS is older he’ll
be able to bond with him better, he’s prefers older children.

Lol. Why do so many men say shite like this?!

Tell him you’ll give DS to an orphanage then till he gets older and more interesting.

I think 1year olds are quite boring compared to 13 year olds.

I’m sure lots of mothers do too. But that doesn’t mean we opt out of caring for them does it?

There are two separate issues here, I see no problem with ‘fun’ weekends for a teenage boy & his Dad, my DS & DH did exactly the same for years, although their activities were outside & probably considered ‘healthier’ than sitting around playing video games; I could have considered myself ‘excluded’ but quite honestly I enjoyed time to myself & to do my own thing.

However the issue with your DH seemingly not being interested in his younger DS is sad but maybe he does find the baby years ‘dull’ & he will bond more as the baby gets older. And yes, I do appreciate it is too late now but this is a real reason why having a baby with someone who admits they don’t want one & is only doing it to keep a partner happy is never a good idea.

“Fun” weekends of screen time almost every contact weekend, whilst not parenting a much younger DC, are not the same thing as regular father/DC outdoorsy/sports activities.

Hes a Disney dad and his ex has probably never pulled him on it. My partner has these tendencies but we have 6 kids between us (none together) so theres actual consequences in different ways now if he does it too much, that he has to deal with so he has packed it in. His kids mum also mentioned something I've been mentioning and both of us doing so seems to have made a difference.