Christmas with in-laws - arggghh

[Italianshark]

So there's me, my DP, my DSS & my DD who is 1. DSS is 6, and each year I've felt vomit in my mouth watching my partners parents (who aren't together) ask my DSS what he wants for Christmas, last year he went to my MILs and ran the tree shook it 'this is my sonic costume' etc. No surprise. No fault of his bless him, just grand parents who want that sense of 'I got you that' rewarding feeling, which I understand.

This year DSS mum calls us 'we need to do something he's just turned round and said 'Santa doesn't buy me presents you lot do' so we're upset he's starting to lose the magic. We're sticking to Christmas lists, posting them, others asking us for ideas from the list and then when they give them his presents saying 'I asked Father Christmas to bring it to you' rather than 'Nanny bought you that' lol.

It's long winded but we're trying to keep the magic alive. My DP sent out a text. This weekend

MIL - 'ooo I was gonna day you could go and get something from upstairs for me then but all your Christmas presents I BROUGHT you are upstairs'

FIL wife 'come show me what you want me and grandad to get you for Christmas'.

I'm like.... wtf? This isn't how it's meant to be. Us, DSS mother and her family are all trying and they're just so desperate for recognition of buying it that they're ruining it for him!! Also, my DD doesn't know better yet but next year I will kick off more because it affects her but I feel so protective of saving the magic for him, I don't know how to get it across without making it too much of a big deal!

I'm kinda just venting, kinda looking for advice, I'm just fed up of looking like the one who's trying to boss people about 😂! My DP is like 'well I've told them, so not much else I can do'

Eh? This is so bizarre. I don't know anyone that says everything is from FC. I'd be so annoyed if I was the grandparents. YABVU.

Santa brings gifts for the children but other people that love them may also buy them gifts as well.

I don’t know anyone who does it the way you are suggesting.

In our house Santa brings the stockings, nothing else. Ds who is almost 5 gets to go shopping and help choose presents for the Social Work appeal, his little sister and his friends (we do a secret santa in his close friends group). He also writes thankyou letters to everyone who bought him something including Santa. The magic is very much alive.

I worked with homeless families and I hate the idea that my dc who have a huge well enough extended family and get far too many presents could be sat there going "Look what Santa got me" when I know there are kids out there who get 1 percent of that if they are lucky. Ignoring the fact that's probably what leads to kids turning around and telling their class there is no Santa, I think it's cruel.

Meanwhile, out in the real world...

This is so strange? You want other people to buy your stepson Santa presents ?

We do Santa bringing stocking (which I buy) and then all other presents are from the givers inc the 'big' present they get from us.

You've got this wrong op. Rethink

Santa doesnt bring all the presents here either.

He brings their main present and stocking. The rest are from us family and friends. I don't even know how you explain it santa visits every house the child does over the Christmas period and left a present?

You want the grandparents to buy your kids presents and then you want them to say they are from Santa not them?!!

Stockings from Father Christmas here. Everything else is from the person who got it for them.

We have a friend who’s weird about everything being “from Santa”, shows up with gifts a couple of days after Christmas and says “Santa got you these”. My DSC say thank you and we have a chuckle later on.

You can’t dictate this stuff in other people’s homes about their gifts. It’s controlling and weird.

In our house Santa fills up the stockings and puts them on the bed - the rest of the presents under the tree and from us and other family members - Santa does token gifts never the main ones

Hilariously over the top, OP. Get a grip.

Santa fills up the stocking and perhaps a few gifts.

You can't dictate to others that they can't give gifts from themselves rather than Santa.

Seriously. Get a fucking grip.

Father Christmas brought a main toy, then mum and dad and anyone else also bought them toys. Believed til the they were tenish

I feel massively sorry for youre mil you sound like a hardwork dil. You are massively unreasonable.

Kicking off with you're inlaws aswell over them giving you're kids christmas gifts you risk alienating all his family.

You can't ask them to pretend EVERY SINGLE PRESENT that your DSS receives is from Santa! That's nuts. Everyone knows Santa fills a stocking and gives one large present* per child, then everything else is from family/friends. You basically want to commandeer all the gifts they've bought, which is massively unfair!

*Or whatever your family's own version of that is.

Parents get to do the magic bit of Christmas OP, not grandparents. What you are expecting of the wider family is not on (and a bit controlling tbh). Fine to set your own traditions, but don't expect others to change theirs to suit you.

Santa brings one special present to each child. everything else is from other people. This is to help with school - how else do you explain why santa brought one child a huge heap of presents and another child just one or two things?

Santa should only come to the house where dss wakes up on Christmas morning. Between his mother and father it's decided what comes from santa. Dss writes to santa asking for one or two items and maybe a surprise. The surprise can be as simple as a selection box. Parents obviously have a say in what he can ask santa for. The items he has asked for in his letter to santa will be left in the house he wakes up in on Christmas morning.

After that whatever presents he gets from in laws, mothers family etc are from them and he should know exactly who gave him what - each gift should be wrapped with a tag so the giver is clearly obvious. That way he should thank granny for the Mario game, thank aunty Susan for the football etc.

Also, how would the child know who to write thank you cards to if they all come from santa?

Many years ago, I bought a gift for dhs extended family. I was really really put out when the parent told the child “look what Santa dropped off for MOLD and her dh to bring to you”. You are beyond unreasonable. You cannot dictate how your in laws spend their money if they can’t even give your dss - not even your child a present. Stocking is delivered whilst the child is asleep and provided by the parent(s). Go swallow your pride... and your vomit.

So the grandparents and other relatives never get so much as a thank you from your DSS?

Not sure I would be so ridiculously dramatic as to have vomit in my mouth, but I would definitley be embarrassed at having raised such a rude child. Not really setting a fantastic example for your DD to follow.

It's fascinating how everyone talks and deals with this. In our house Father Christmas gives him a stocking and one present, BUT he also delivers all the presents that mummy and daddy have for him (we send FC the money 😂). We say this to stop him going hunting for the stash 😆

If Santa gives him everything, doesn't he think it odd that none of his family get him gifts?

We tell my son (and will tell my daughter the same as she gets older) that he gets presents from Granny & granpa, his uncles, us & Santa.