Can bio mum do this?

[Climbmountains911]

Tonight my partner has been honest with BIo mum and told her he took there daughter to my house which she hasn't allowed to do by her rules, there's no court orders or anything. She's not happy now and is saying he has to stay at hers until she can trust him again and will FaceTime him randomly when he has them overnight.
they was going through mediation but she backed down and admitted she couldn't afford it and came to a mutual agreement but now she's changed her mind yet again. She also took him to CMS which you know, she is within her right to do.
Mediation has said to SO because he has PR he can do what he wants with the kids and meet who he wants (aslong as it don't cause danger).
im just sick of the dramas now, I'm so close to ending this crap. I said until this crap is sorted I'm not being part of this.

@CarolDanvers

Says you who called everyone vipers

Not everyone. Just the ones who deserve it.

I clicked on this thread already wondering what % of responses would be berating the OP's use of Bio Mum. It's not a term I'd ever heard of before becoming a step parent and browsing the internet for help.

There are A LOT of other forums that use BM as a standard acronym and had I been reading those and then posting here I'd not have any clue about the Mumsnet faux pas I was making. It certainly wouldn't imply what my feelings are towards my DSC's mum either way.

I'm not saying those other forums' use of the term is correct but honestly until I came to MN I had no idea of its connotations regarding adoption - not being a mother myself I'd simply seen it as a factual descriptor. After it's been explained why some might find it disrespectful then yeah, I'll respect those feelings and not use it. Once it's been pointed out once or twice to the OP why do people insist on keep piling in to berate them? It's totally uncalled for.

If you've been in trouble with the police or under social services, it is reasonable for her to demand the child doesn't get to stay at yours.

If you had an affair with him and he cheated and betrayed her for months, it's not right for her to make that demand but very understandable.

If he has only been with you a few weeks, again not reasonable but understandable that she'd have concerns about introducing them to you at this stage.

If she is just demanding it because she is controlling and doesn't like the idea of another woman in their lives, she is totally unreasonable.

He has his first two kids twice a month, stays with you and his 6 month old about one night a week.

But can't be bothered focussing on them while he has them. I can see why the ex would be pissed off. How difficult would it be to have them on those rare occasions and have them be the centre of his attention? Instead he's in effect showing them that they've been replaced. It's all very well saying "none of her business what he does when he has them" but it is her business if he's not making the effort to make the children feel that they still matter to him.

Going on your other posts op,I think your DPS ex is the least of your problems.i think seeing a councillor will help you.your going through a tough time emotionally.

She sounds like a horrible, controlling bitch who is going out of her way to make her ex’s and children’s lives a misery."
*
Because she's not happy he went behind her back about something that clearly was an issue for her?*

Well yes, because he didn't go behind her back. It's not her business when the child is with him, and it's not an issue unless he's breaching an order which he's not.

How is it none of mums business what her kids are doing when they are not in her care. Of course it is. Maybe she can't and shouldn't have to give permission for where the child stays but it is her business (and vice versa)

How is it none of mums business what her kids are doing when they are not in her care. Of course it is. Maybe she can't and shouldn't have to give permission for where the child stays but it is her business

Not really when there's nothing she can do about it. What happens when they are with their DF is up to him. She has no say. Whine though she might. Still not her business.

@DriftingLeaves completely disagree. She may not have a say but it is her business and she is entitled to ask and care. As is dad.

Climbmountains, there must be a reason why the mum is so awkward, is she bitter about you? I don't blame you for wanting to stay out of it, it is for your partner to sort out. As long as he is good to you and your baby, that is enough for now. Later on, when the older children are even older, things may change but right now it is what it is.

Four pages on and you haven't yet come back.

How do you feel about your fella's other children and, long term, being a stepmother? It does seem odd that you've had a baby with a man whom you call 'partner', who doesn't live with you. Maybe your baby was conceived accidentally, only you know that and accidents do happen but it was hardly a happy scenario in which to bring a new baby. What's done is done, I only hope you have a decent place to live.

I've looked at your other posts & think your DP's ex is right to have serious concerns regarding your mental health & suitability to be around her children.
Climbmountains911 Sat 28-Sep-19 13:55:52
Yesterday I went through a medical abortion and passed the fetus at home, I was 9 weeks and 4 day's.
I am now wondering what to do with it as I can't bring myself to flush it down the toilet or in the bin, it feels so wrong. I was wondering if anyone has been through this. Thanks
Climbmountains911 Mon 09-Sep-19 22:04:39
I'm really struggling right now I'm 7 weeks pregnant and I really don't know what to do. Time is running out as if I wanted an abortion it would have to be medical as I couldn't go through surgical. I tried to phone around today for done counselling but no where does it and it's only over the phone.
I don't feel I could afford another child as I have 2 kids already and feel it would be unfair on them (esp money wise) if we brought a third one in.
I feel I wouldn't cope with my mental health as two are enough my youngest is only 6 months.
Me and my partner live a part right now but he stays at mine mostly.
I just feel it's not the right time but I feel abortion will mess me up like when I was 17 (sexual abuse).
I have been thinking about open adoption but I don't know if anyone in my support network would support with with this.
My partner says he wants to keep it but it's up to me and he will support me with whatever I do.
Ugh.
Climbmountains911 Sat 05-Oct-19 14:49:06
I'm not exactly a step parent I don't know what to class myself as at the moment (just the new girl on the scene I guess). Me and my partner have 7 month old together and he has 2 kids with the ex girlfriend. She has a partner. She won't let me be around the kids and uses my mental health and our unstable past (that she partly caused) against us. We are very happy and very stable now. I'm at the point where now she's threatening 50/50 access with the two kids which will affect my child and I'm having to get legal advise (she also wants him to quit or change his job so he can do the 50/50. I'm at the point where I feel like I'm coming between him and the kids and I never want to do that and my partner keeps reassuring me I am not and he will fight this. I just feel it would be best all round if I just leave the situation. So I guess I'm coming to that point.
I think you need help with.

"Once it's been pointed out once or twice to the OP why do people insist on keep piling in to berate them? It's totally uncalled for."

• either people haven't RTFT, or

• they know that this has been pointed out to OP on every thread (mentioning that now as elements of previous threads have been copied here and anyone reading will know there is a backstory). She is showing considerable lack of awareness to keep posting the same faux pas over and over. Agree that it is as if she wants to provoke, not engage

So the ex wanted 50/50 yet your dp said he would fight against being forced to parent his children because you didn't want him to.
Erm yeah not surprised she doesn't want her kids round you.

I've also just read your other threads. Maybe you should be concentrating on yourself rather than creating dramas.

I've looked at your other posts & think your DP's ex is right to have serious concerns regarding your mental health & suitability to be around her children.

What a fucking ridiculous and nasty comment to make.

Are you saying OP’s a danger to children because she had an abortion? Was sexually abused? How disgusting of you.

Hey OP, who’s the “bio mum”?

So - there are kids. There is their dad. Their is their mum. And there is the dad’s girlfriend.

Who’s the “biomum”?

Ridiculous points about bio mum. She IS the bio mum. Ok its probably an unnecessary extra word as we'd assume that she was anyway but it rules out that the kid was adopted. It might not be relevant that shes the bio mum but that doesn't change the fact that she is. Is there some kind if MN rule that facts can only be included if they are relevant to the specific issue?

"Is there some kind if MN rule that facts can only be included if they are relevant to the specific issue?"

When a community has an established jargon, then yes it is the 'rule' (or rather the norm) to follow it.

Mother = the actual female parent with whom the child resides (whether by birth or adoption, and including when residence is shared)

Bio-mum = if another person is in role of mother, this refers to the female who gave birth, and who may or may not still see her DC (depending on whether it is fostering, SGO, open adoption, or not).

Step-mother = wife/partner of the children's other parent, usually only after cohabitation has begun

Yes, other sites do it differently (as noted above), that does not however alter the MN norm.

(Which it seems OP has had pointed out to her on successive threads, so it does beg the question why she chooses to continue to ensure her threads are de-railed and that some at least wonder about her self-awareness)

Whoever mentioned BM = is bio mum is wrong. That's an American term and it usually means "baby mama"

I think we all knew what the op meant by 'biomum'. Why go on about it? Better to concentrate on the point of the thread.

OP I'd love you to come back and address certain issues such as I raised in my post, on this page, of 1520 today, and other posts even better.

but it rules out that the kid was adopted

Did this need to be clarified? 🤷‍♀️

What kid has been adopted? What have I missed?

Whoever mentioned BM = is bio mum is wrong. That's an American term and it usually means "baby mama"

I agree. I’m on a Stepparenting group on Facebook with LOTS of American people on it, and they always say BM. At first I thought they meant “birth mum” and I just thought it was a widely accepted term in America. The term doesn’t bother me either way because one minute you’re expected to love and treat your stepchildren exactly like your own children, and the next minute you’re told you’re not a mum to the stepchildren. I can’t keep up with it all

Then I realised they meant “Baby Mama”

Baby Mama and Baby Dada are both terms to be offended by. They are just so fucking cringey. 🤢

Well OK but can we not let the op off the hook for her poor choice of words now? She didn't mean any harm and has learned from this.

You’d think OP had called her a stinking old cunt from some of the reactions on here!