Can bio mum do this?

[Climbmountains911]

Tonight my partner has been honest with BIo mum and told her he took there daughter to my house which she hasn't allowed to do by her rules, there's no court orders or anything. She's not happy now and is saying he has to stay at hers until she can trust him again and will FaceTime him randomly when he has them overnight.
they was going through mediation but she backed down and admitted she couldn't afford it and came to a mutual agreement but now she's changed her mind yet again. She also took him to CMS which you know, she is within her right to do.
Mediation has said to SO because he has PR he can do what he wants with the kids and meet who he wants (aslong as it don't cause danger).
im just sick of the dramas now, I'm so close to ending this crap. I said until this crap is sorted I'm not being part of this.

Why hasn’t he gone to court to get proper, meaningful contact with his children?

Unless you are talking about an open adoption, then using the term bio-mum is confusing. (realise usage of terms might be different in other countries and OP might not be British).

OP: Could I suggest you start a new thread, not using a term in a 'red rag' way? Because then you might get more advice, and it will not be coloured from you (inadvertently one hopes) coming across as provocative

Sux

I clicked into this thread thinking it was a story about adoption.

It’s the wrong term to use to a legal, resident parent. It is diminishing.

I don’t know if it was deliberate, I am giving op the benefit of the doubt.

However as OP hasn’t addressed or explained her use of the term, therefore people will comment.

There must be a back story here....? Why don't you live together with a 7 month old between you? And why has his child never stayed with you before?

I am strongly of the opinion that courtesy and respect plays a part and the mum should of been told at least that their daughter was meeting or staying in yours but I don't believe that is all there is to this story. How old is the child?

I have a feeling I recognise this poster and we’ve all heard the back story in previous instalments.

"I wonder if some posters just sit here on this board waiting for someone to post the term 'bio mum' . When it appears they leap into action to unleash their vitriol"

No. It's just annoying as fuck to read so tends to elicit an irritated response.

Where you the other woman? It just seems bizarre to have been together long enough to have a 7 month old with someone but his existing child has never stayed at your house before

I peaked and saw a very long back story here. Still not clear why OP and her boyfriend don’t live together but OP had some mental health issues years ago which the ex seems to use against her. She and the ex went to uni together.

It all seems very dramatic, and to be honest the bloke involved doesn’t seem worth all this angst.

Oak should focus on her children, and her boyfriend should sort himself out.

The problem with the term “biomum” is that it is both confusing and insulting.

Biological mum or birth mum are used all the time in an adoption situation to separate from adoptive mum.

Sometimes with step parents you have a situation where the kids live with dad and stepmom, rarely or never see mum, mum may have been deemed by CS as not an appropriate carer, step mum is primary carer and has parental responsibilities or even have adopted the children.

In that case calling the mum “biomum” is probably appropriate. And in the situation that the “biomum” is objecting to living arrangements in her one two hour visit of the year then the advice I would give is quite different to the advice that I would give to someone where the mum is the main carer and there is a risk that she will stop dad from seeing the kids.

Mum is mum, dad is dad, step mum is step mum. All different words and easy to distinguish.

No more posts about "Bio Mum", eh?

I think everyone has the message so the vipers can go back to their nests.

It's none of her business what their father does when he has them. See a solicitor and she'll be told, rightly, just that.

Ps I don't like the term bio mum either. Its just that some responses are incredibly disproportionate.

@Climbmountains911 the only way you can stop her control is by going to court and getting a schedule put in place!

I don't get everyones thing with 'Bio Mum', she is the bio mum! No one could ever take that away.

Why does your partner not live with you if you have a baby together?

Drifting leaves - asking for no more posts on the titles of he thread and then calling people vipers😂😂😂😂😂😂

Wise up

Let them get on with it then. It's nothing to do with you so why involve yourself?

He needs to sort it.

Helmlover1
You get some evil, controlling mothers out there who make spiting the children’s father their main priority in life, often in many cases at the detriment of own children. These types of individuals well and truly deserve the term BIO ‘MUM’.

You get some arses of fathers who can't be bothered building a proper relationship with their children once they've split with the mother, and drag their children around to GF's houses.

How amazingly decent of the OP's partner to be honest with the bio mum 🙄

Wonder how long the bio mum and the dad have been split up, and what caused the split?

He needs to get to court and get their arrangements ironed out and set in stone. She doesn't have any right to dictate like this and the whole random FaceTiming threat is cringe. She is bitter and wants full control. No doubt she's jealous, especially now you have a DD together.
There's no easy way of dealing with these bitter, controlling witches. My DB wasted years in mediation and all sorts with his ex. when he should've just gone to court in the very early days

How long have you been together?

My DP's ex refused contact for nearly a year when he introduced their daughter to me instead of sticking to her strictly prescribed schedule of who to see and what to do.

This is parental alienation as far as I'm concerned.

"It's none of her business what their father does when he has them. See a solicitor and she'll be told, rightly, just that."

I was a family solicitor at one time and had many a lengthy debate in court over when a new partner should be introduced and when a child could go to that person's house etc. Yes it seems incredibly petty but it is an issue that courts will consider if they absolutely have to.

She sounds as if she has clearly over reacted saying stuff like she will randomly face time but - in order to move on - can you reverse it....

I do not live with my child's Dad. Yesterday he had our DC stay over at x. Am I being unreasonable to be annoyed......

Think is it matters a little I think what the DC said. Where they happen to stay over? If they seemed happy during the stay might they have said no to Mum.

Why did your DP end up telling her?

Was it a weekend or a school night?

Really it's up to him what he does whilst he is parenting and there is no such thing as 'her rules'.

@CarolDanvers

It's not about being a viper or nasty.

Actually it is. Some people really relish being unpleasant.

I hope loads more posters come and have a go about it. OP sounds like an idiot and so does her DP.

Classic example. That's a vile thing to say but you have to get your jollies somewhere, eh?

Says you who called everyone vipers

OP, I remember your other threads from a few weeks ago and have to wonder what you’re getting out of this relationship.

He has his first two kids twice a month, stays with you and his 6 month old about one night a week. He won’t agree 50/50 custody with his ex, and won’t move in with you because it’ll impact his benefits. You’re not working, are relying on benefits, and nearly had a third child.

It’s a mess. It’s like this guy gets to do what he wants then has women fawning all over him for a chance to have his children, then those women spend their time fighting over him.

You sound so miserable. It’s all about him.

I rest my case.