Can bio mum do this?

[Climbmountains911]

Tonight my partner has been honest with BIo mum and told her he took there daughter to my house which she hasn't allowed to do by her rules, there's no court orders or anything. She's not happy now and is saying he has to stay at hers until she can trust him again and will FaceTime him randomly when he has them overnight.
they was going through mediation but she backed down and admitted she couldn't afford it and came to a mutual agreement but now she's changed her mind yet again. She also took him to CMS which you know, she is within her right to do.
Mediation has said to SO because he has PR he can do what he wants with the kids and meet who he wants (aslong as it don't cause danger).
im just sick of the dramas now, I'm so close to ending this crap. I said until this crap is sorted I'm not being part of this.

OhMyDarling just because this woman is a ‘mother’ does not mean that she is somehow worthy of the OP’s respect. She sounds like a horrible, controlling bitch who is going out of her way to make her ex’s and children’s lives a misery. Why do you think she has some automatic right to everybody’s respect? Doesn’t sound like she respects the father of her children very much.

It’s mum and dads girlfriend. Who he doesn’t live with.

Not bio mum and step mum.

Bio-mum is not an appropriate term here - she's their mum.

You have a child with your partner, but you don't live together, as you refer to him staying at yours?

Seems a bit unsettled - you and him have not set up a stable home for the children to visit yet - so it's possible mum feels it's too unsettled an environment to be staying at his house and at yours - although I would argue it would be a good thing for the dc to spend time with their new half sibling.

The mother may just feel she's putting her children's welfare first by trying to keep her children's lives as stable as possible.

She’s being unreasonable and unrealistic. But she’s Mum not “Bio mum”.

Time to take it to court.

"She sounds like a horrible, controlling bitch who is going out of her way to make her ex’s and children’s lives a misery."

Because she's not happy he went behind her back about something that clearly was an issue for her? 🙄

She has no control who their dad introduces them too. He is an equal parent to them and does not need to seek the mums approval to bring them to your house. It's all pathetic. She needs to realise she does NOT have control over what the dad does.

Depends on her relationship with her children really. Who’s to say the children don’t have a better relationship with the OP and actually see their mum as just ‘bio mum’? It’s the kids who decide this, not the adults.

Ginger1982- she has no control over where the father takes his kids in his own time. What if the father started dictating to her where she can and can’t take her own kids. It’s controlling behaviour.

@Helmlover. Have you read the actual OP? She doesn't live with her boyfriend. I doubt very much if the children here regard there mum as ”biomum”.

I am offended by the tone of your reference to someone going through a difficult time in which she is being shown no respect.

A lot of assumptions there--how do you know "bio" mum (couldn't resist using it!) is having such a hard time?

We don't know the background to the split and the new relationship. The kid's mother could be as happy as can be. We don't have enough information to form an opinion about her.

OP, agree with PPs. Take her to court for access arrangements where terms can be defined mutually by impartial parties as mediation has been unsuccessful (unused).

Qu1tter- yes I have read the OP, what’s your point? Just because you live with someone doesn’t automatically mean you feel closer to them. The kids might hate their mum for all you know, especially if she’s displaying manipulative, controlling behaviour.

if you have a child with him how would you feel if his next girlfriend referred to you as "biomum"? you are mum (to your child). and she is mum to hers. its disrespectful.

However SheIBU by trying to micro manage his life. However I doubt your attitude helps by the sounds of it.

Why does this man not live with either of his dc's mothers? Sadly it's all very Jeremy Kyle.

You ok, Hun?

Bio mum to distinguish from step mum

Because we are unable to recognise the difference between mum and step mum?

just because this woman is a ‘mother’ does not mean that she is somehow worthy of the OP’s respect

There are a lot of people who probably don’t deserve respect in our lives for many, many reasons. But that doesn’t mean we use deliberately undermining and unpleasant terminology about who and what they are just because we can. Indeed, usually when we are struggling to respect another’s actions we encourage our friends to ‘rise above it’ and ‘not reduce ourselves to their level’. Seems stepmoms quite deliberately enjoy living in the gutter sometimes. Quite the race to the bottom.,

No the child’s mum can’t make those demands unless there are good reasons and then if she wanted to enforce them she’d have to go through court.
What are her reasons though? It’s also worth trying to meet in the middle with someone even if they’re being unreasonable.

I don’t use the term bio mum, because it implies that I’m a mum to my stepchild when I’m not and I find that offensive.

Time to drop the bio mum comments. I think that point has been well and truly made and now it would be good to focus on the actual issue.

Surely it's good for his other DC to have a relationship with their baby half sibling? She is BU but it's such an emotive subject. It will have to go through mediation now I guess.

I wonder if some posters just sit here on this board waiting for someone to post the term 'bio mum' . When it appears they leap into action to unleash their vitriol.

^ this

It’s not a great term to use but I’m sure some posters, who for various reasons have gigantic step parents chips on their shoulders, just search for that term so they can attack a thread.

Going through a difficult time:
they have been going through mediation- sign of issues-
that she could no longer afford- sign of issues-
and seeing her chn visiting a new partner who calls her a bitch and refers to her as a bio mum- clearly an issue-
who the father doesn’t live with yet they are taken to stay there without prior warning, which is manners if nothing else-plus he doesn’t even live there, so not much stability- clearly she also sees this as an issue.
I would say mum is probably having a difficult time.

As previously stated, I’m sure OP would not take kindly to being referred to as ‘biomum’ when he moved on from her and takes their child to another __ (insert less than positive adjective) ‘step mums’ house (She’s not the step mum) overnight with no prior warning.

For all we know this could be the next in a line of other shitty actions from him carried out just to hurt mum.

It isn’t a race to the bottom (also as a op has said) and maybe if all adults regarded each other on a human level, as fellow parents, showing empathy in a less than perfect situation they never in a million years envisaged for their family, then maybe we would have happier children and a situation that isn’t toxic to all.
Seems a basic to me that a mum should be called a mum without the weighted addition of ‘bio’ added with the full intention of causing offence and belittlement. I think it speaks volumes about the speaker and her role/intent in the situation.

Your original problem was your boyfriend and his ex are bickering over parenting, and until it’s sorted you are staying out of it.

This seems a sensible approach.

Your boys friend needs to resolve this. If his ex can’t afford mediation, could he pay.

His ex does seem to be being unreasonable (although we have only heard one side, and even you probably don’t have the full picture).

But the healthiest approach for you is to focus on your child and not become to emotionally invested in his squabbles with his ex.

And you will know realise bio mum was the wrong term to use😊

Now not know arghhh

Has anyone mentioned that OP said bio mum?
😏

Your boyfriend doesn't live with you and you don't have a relationship with his family. Why did you think it was a good idea to have a child with him?

How long have you been together? How old are the children?
I think he should have discussed it with her out of respect.