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Original poster

Holiday nightmare

88 replies

timelord92 · 14/06/2019 00:04

I just need to have a rant! Sorry for the long post.

I booked a little UK break for myself, my DH, our daughter (2) and my stepdaughter (15) for a weekend. I checked the school website to make sure my step daughter didn't have any exams and she was happy to go. She said she could have Monday off school as well as her mum had given her permission rather than being brought back Sunday. So we were going Friday to Monday.

After booking it I realised it fell on the father's Day weekend and said to my DP should we change it in case his daughter can't come for whatever reason and she won't be able to spend father's Day with him. He said everything would be fine.

Then she tells us about 2 weeks ago that she has an exam so will have to come back on the Sunday. DH told her he would drive her back in the morning in which case she'd be back in the afternoon (2 hour trip one way) and he'd come back for the holiday. He doesn't want to leave it too late as he'd get stuck in traffic and there won't be any point coming back. Plus she needs to revise

We went through it all when she was last here and told her what was happening and what to take etc and she was fine with it. Everything was ok we thought.

Fast forward to tonight when my DP gets a phone call from my step daughter saying she wants to spend the sunday with him and he can take her back in the evening. When he said he couldn't leave too late she started to get upset. She ended the conversation abruptly and then sent a message saying she just wanted to spend father's Day with him and he won't let her and how upset she is.

He rang her back up to explain but she ended the conversation by saying she doesn't think she wants to come now.

My DP then got a text from his son (22, who he hasn't seen for 7 months properly but that's another thread) saying his sister's been on the phone crying to him. He then got a barrage of messages along the lines of 'what is like the actual reason you won't drive her', 'id do it cos she's special, 'its not about the cards or the money', 'is it worth losing the relationship with your daughter over it, and repeating the same questions over and over again.

My step daughters last message to her dad was to tell him she's definitely not coming now.

So our little holiday is ruined now. I wish I just booked a weekend with just DP and I abroad now it would have been so much less hassle.

OP posts:
HennyPennyHorror · 14/06/2019 01:43

Why can't he just drive her back in the evening rather than the morning though? Confused

HennyPennyHorror · 14/06/2019 01:44

For the sake of ONE day he should drive her home in the evening.

Zooom · 14/06/2019 01:46

Why don't you just holiday Friday until Sunday evening?

NerrSnerr · 14/06/2019 01:50

Why not all go back on the Sunday evening? Seems like a shame for her to leave on the morning when she could spend the day with you all.

Expressedways · 14/06/2019 02:34

Another one who doesn’t understand why he can’t drive her back Sunday night, or just all leave then rather than Monday morning m... it sounds like that would work for everyone- you all get the day together and she’s back in time for her exams. Surely there’s no need to declare the holiday ruined?!

WishingILivedOnAnIsland · 14/06/2019 03:16

Not sure this constitutes a 'nightmare' OP. Cut your holiday short by one day rather than wade into family drama.

Plan your next holiday to be one for just you and DP.

Beautiful3 · 14/06/2019 03:56

I don't understand?! She clearly needs the afternoon to revise for her exam on Monday. Could her dad spend the following Saturday/Sunday with her, one to one to make up for father's day.

Original poster
timelord92 · 14/06/2019 06:32

She needs to revise for her exam so if we all go we'd all have to go late morning.

Yes "beautiful' she'd be here the following weekend too, plus he was taking her the cinema Tuesday.

OP posts:
Rhinosaurus · 14/06/2019 06:35

So she can’t come back in the evening anyway if she needs to revise?

cookingonwine · 14/06/2019 06:36

I think you are being selfish. The girl has an exam which will effect her whole life. You have no empathy for the girl situation, no wonder she can't be bothered with you all ... as clearly you are not looking after her best interests.

user1493413286 · 14/06/2019 06:36

I don’t really understand; why can’t he just take her back in the evening as she asked and she revise with you during the day?
I do have sympathy about arrangements being messed about with though; we have a similar break booked this year and I’ve told DH that now it’s arranged we’re not changing things at the last minute as it’s not fair on our DD.

SuperCraft · 14/06/2019 06:39

Surely she can bring her books with her and revise while she's away? Little bits here and there and then on the journey home? If you're planning on dropping her home in the morning anyway surely you could stay all day and she can revise there and leave in the evening?

Havenly · 14/06/2019 06:44

Maybe her brother could come to drive her home on the Sunday evening?
What's the point of her staying all day Sunday if she's got to revise anyway? Also, it's Fathers' day, not daughters day. She should be thinking of her father not what she wants.Children are self centred this way but the 22 year old brother is old enough to realise this.

Morgan12 · 14/06/2019 06:46

So she wants to come back Sunday evening but she can't because then she wouldn't be able to revise?

So it's not your DH fault anyway? She can't spend the day with him regardless of where he is as she has to revise anyway? Is that right?

So I don't get the issue? Surely she knows this.

If she isn't going to revise and spend the day with your DH instead then you can all come home the Sunday evening and job done.

So just tell her these two options.

Mog6840 · 14/06/2019 06:50

Firstly, I don't think taking her out of school in her final GCSE year was a great idea.
They obviously have so much going on right now.

If she wants to spend the day with her her dad and it's upsetting her. I don't see why she can't come back in the evening, or you all come back in the eve, under the understanding that she is to do some revision beforehand and also brings some with her to do while you are away or on the car journey there and back!
To her it prob feels like she's being excluded, for her father to spend the day with his new family. Given the fact he had a strained relationship with his older son, for what ever reason. I would have thought he would be more understanding and keen to keep the peace with his daughter.

BinkyandBunty · 14/06/2019 06:50

Goodness, that's a lot of drama. I didn't see my 15yo at all on Mother's Day, we both survived.

I'd say there is a lot more going on here and this is the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back.

Pearlfish · 14/06/2019 06:53

I agree with Morgan. She needs to spend the day revising anyway, so it doesn’t really matter where. Either he drives her back in the evening (but she must promise to do some revision during the day) or he drives her back in the morning and she revises at home.

Zooom · 14/06/2019 06:54

Hold on...in your OP you said that she wants to come back Sunday evening.

Now posters have suggested you all come back Sunday evening together; you are saying that she won't accept that, because she needs to come back earlier in the day to revise. Driving her back earlier in the day was the original plan anyway.

This makes no sense. When does she want to go home?

blackcat86 · 14/06/2019 06:57

You've made the rookie SM mistake of pretending that your DSD wants to be a part of your little holiday and trying to include her. Its opened the door to a world of drama. Just dont bother next time. Do what you want to do with your DC and DH can make his own plans to spend time with his DD. Honestly I ended up becoming really over invested and upset in things with DSS when similar happened but then I realised that literally no one appreciates anything I do for him anyway so I just stopped. Beautifully simple. Your DSD doesn't appreciate you trying to organise the holiday nor does his other son so just stop and disengage.

sheshootssheimplores · 14/06/2019 07:09

Its obvious there’s much more going on with your husbands first family. His daughter sounds as though she’s testing him with her requirements and he’s obviously falling short in her mind, hence why the brother is now involved.

I don’t think you’re going to do right for doing wrong so personally I’d say to fuck with all of it and either go away just me or the baby or stay at home.

DaisiesAreOurSilver · 14/06/2019 07:19

It's not your fault that DSD changed her mind. Carry on with your original plans for you, DH and your DC.

Don't let DSD mess you around.

stucknoue · 14/06/2019 07:19

To be honest booking a holiday during exam season was wrong in the first place, schools publish the dates of external and internal exams at the beginning of the year and even if you dsd wasn't sitting an exam Monday, unless she's year 11 and completely finished it's wrong to take her out of school. Father's Day is also known date wise. You didn't think about the needs of others that's the problem. It may be harsh but day after day people here are complaining about similar things because their put the needs of their lo's first without thinking. Step kids are really important and deserve to be considered equally.

endofthelinefinally · 14/06/2019 07:25

Tell DH to sort it out.
Make your own arrangements to come back with your dc on Monday. Can you use train/bus?

Original poster
timelord92 · 14/06/2019 07:29

She knew it was father's Day a while ago and she wasn't bothered about going home for the afternoon. It's only now the day before that it's an issue. Its not just my step daughters holiday tho it's ours and my mum's as well. We are spending the whole Monday here too and I've paid a lot of money for this so want to make the most of it. I did say to my DP about staying at home once dropping her off and we can stay there but he didn't want to be on his own that night when his daughter would be with her mum anyway, hence the reason why he's spending 4-5 hours on the Sunday driving to make sure his daughter can get home.

We had similar issues in the past with weekend breaks before the baby came along and there was still drama even when we all drove back Sunday evening.

I try to include her in everything that we do so she doesn't feel left out but the goal posts are always changing.

OP posts:
Original poster
timelord92 · 14/06/2019 07:32

We still have a main holiday next month and my step daughter is going away again in August. I booked this myself as I had itchy feet to get away again. I tried to make everyone happy but in a step family I've realised you cant

OP posts:
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