Holiday nightmare

[timelord92]

I just need to have a rant! Sorry for the long post.

I booked a little UK break for myself, my DH, our daughter (2) and my stepdaughter (15) for a weekend. I checked the school website to make sure my step daughter didn't have any exams and she was happy to go. She said she could have Monday off school as well as her mum had given her permission rather than being brought back Sunday. So we were going Friday to Monday.

After booking it I realised it fell on the father's Day weekend and said to my DP should we change it in case his daughter can't come for whatever reason and she won't be able to spend father's Day with him. He said everything would be fine.

Then she tells us about 2 weeks ago that she has an exam so will have to come back on the Sunday. DH told her he would drive her back in the morning in which case she'd be back in the afternoon (2 hour trip one way) and he'd come back for the holiday. He doesn't want to leave it too late as he'd get stuck in traffic and there won't be any point coming back. Plus she needs to revise

We went through it all when she was last here and told her what was happening and what to take etc and she was fine with it. Everything was ok we thought.

Fast forward to tonight when my DP gets a phone call from my step daughter saying she wants to spend the sunday with him and he can take her back in the evening. When he said he couldn't leave too late she started to get upset. She ended the conversation abruptly and then sent a message saying she just wanted to spend father's Day with him and he won't let her and how upset she is.

He rang her back up to explain but she ended the conversation by saying she doesn't think she wants to come now.

My DP then got a text from his son (22, who he hasn't seen for 7 months properly but that's another thread) saying his sister's been on the phone crying to him. He then got a barrage of messages along the lines of 'what is like the actual reason you won't drive her', 'id do it cos she's special, 'its not about the cards or the money', 'is it worth losing the relationship with your daughter over it, and repeating the same questions over and over again.

My step daughters last message to her dad was to tell him she's definitely not coming now.

So our little holiday is ruined now. I wish I just booked a weekend with just DP and I abroad now it would have been so much less hassle.

@katewhinesalot I agree.
I can foresee a dystopian future where all the adults (bar those with golden uterus syndrome ) & many younger siblings are shackled in chains, being whipped into shape by a minority elite comprising of those between the ages of 8 & 18!!!!

Magda because OP said so... didn't she? If not, then I wholeheartedly apologise.

It doesn't make it less annoying for OP, but I think the father has a responsibility to reassure his dd

she won't get the train, her mum won drive to get her, her brothers girlfriend can't come down to get her too as she has even been asked by her now.

Really, they dont fancy driving for 4 hours?? Funny that

Can’t she just bring her books with her and then her dad drive her back on Sunday evening?

What kind of dad doesn’t know his dd’s exam schedule? He should have planned for this.

I agree teddybear45

Who books a holiday, however well meaning, in the middle of a teenagers GCSEs and then expects them to behave with maturity, not get upset, co ordinate exam timetables, family holidays and not have a meltdown.

this was a predictable and avoidable disaster of a seriously stressed teen.

To be honest I think its better she doesnt go and revises instead.
I wouldnt be happy my daughter going on a break instead of revising the weekend before particularly if the exam is on the monday.

Pity the older (adult) brother got involved. He's obviously wound her up about it to turn her against their father.

You booked a holiday during exam season (we get plenty of letters from daughters school warning us not to do this and that permission will not be given for holidays during this important time) and on Fathers Day (which is a massively immotive time for children who live separately from their Fathers) It was a recipe for disaster.

^this (

Have I missed something? I thought the OP said these were end of year 10 exams not GCSEs? It’s hardly the same is it and it won’t affect her life one iota.
Also she has two choices, either dad drives her home Sunday morning or she stays abc revises for a few hours in the day, has a nice dinner with you all, and then gets driven home.
She doesn’t get to dictate what happens when it makes it awkward for everyone else, she’s 15! Not an adult! In my house kids don’t get to boss the parents around. She’s got 2 absolutely fine options, she needs to pick one or you need to pick one for her.

Fathers Day (which is a massively immotive time for children who live separately from their Fathers)
Is it? My SDs aren’t bothered one bit 🤷🏼‍♀️ They’re only seeing DP because he’s requested it, they not fussed at all.
Likewise with my kids and their dad.
Not all kids from “broken homes” (I hate that phrase anyway) are damaged and need to be treated with kid gloves. They also don’t get to call the shots just because they don’t live with a parent full time. Treating them like they’re made of tissue paper to the expense of the rest of the family is often what causes the issues in blended families and build resentment.

Can you change the booking to a different weekend?

Seems an awful lot of driving on the Sunday to then just do it again the next day

"Is it? My SDs aren’t bothered one bit 🤷🏼‍♀️ They’re only seeing DP because he’s requested it, they not fussed at all."

To be fair my Stepchilds the same. ^^

I feel for you.OP!
I was a SD myself and would never have behaved like this at 15. It sounds like she feels the world revolves around her, and I don't agree with everyone saying you should change all your plans last minute/you DP have to miss out on a night and day of his holiday. It sounds like you tried everything to accommodate her and ensure she should come.

Also, did you say you have a DC too? Why should they miss out on spending them with their Dad?

Why can't your SD spend a couple of hours on her own with your DP on the Saturday instead?! And why is she insisting they be alone if they have their own cinema time coming up a few days after?

I also want to note that I have a SD who is 8 (and is lovely) and I don't agree when people say you can't have a great relationship / make things work as a family,. I think you absolutely can, it's just people are more likely to share the negatives.

Just go in your holiday without your SD and in future let your DH do the holiday organising and deal with this kind of drama!

Just go in your holiday without your SD and in future let your DH do the holiday organising and deal with this kind of drama

Also with the current situation stand your ground. Don't change your plans. Let DH reiterate to SD that she is invited and you all want her to come but no plans are going to be changed now. Is she wants to stay home it's her choice.

DSD never came on the weekend break with us after all so she stuck to her guns. She asked her dad yesterday morning to drop off her clothes/towels back to her before we went, which he did. She also said she felt too awkward to come now when he asked her again to come with us. When he dropped her stuff off he said she had been crying again but said she'd see him next weekend.

DH also said he'd spoken to his mum who saw DSD 3 hours before she rang her dad complaining about going home early, however she had been telling her nan how happy she was to be going on a break with us and even coming back in the afternoon on the Sunday. So at some point when she got back home (the day before we were going) she decided it wasn't good enough.

DH very rarely does any organising when it comes to holidays it's always me. Im the one who wants to do things. So I always try to include DSD in it as I don't want her feeling left out but also I know DP would feel guilty if we went without her.

I am planning to go abroad with us all for the first time to Greece next year but I'm dreading it now wondering what chaos is going to ensue even tho it is in the school holidays. A few years ago we were planning on going abroad and when DP asked her if she wanted to come she said no she doesn't like going abroad. We found out later on that she had lied to her dad and the real reason was because she didn't want to go with just me and her dad.

Then that's her choice. She'll probably realise at some point she's cut off her nose to spite her face and she'll be angry, but that should be directed at herself for creating all the drama and trying to manipulate everyone in a situation that is no one's fault. Maybe she'll learn from this. You did the right thing not capitulating to a stroppy 15 year olds demands. Yes it's disappointing but she needs to deal with the change of circumstance without ruining it for 4 others. Many teens would try to pull this sort of stunt and manipulate everyone, the fact she's a step daughter has just muddied the water. You did the right thing imo.

Moving forward you all need to be bright and breezy. "It's a shame you didn't come, we really missed you but we can do lots of other things together in the future. How was your exam?"

I used to bend over backwards to accommodate my four stepchildren. I arranged and paid for activities and holidays and drove 40 miles to collect them when he was working.
Fast forward a few years and though they are all adults only two of them acknowledged their dad's birthday and nobody has suggested anything for Father's Day. I used to prompt them as their dad got upset if they forgot but I have decided it is no longer my job .

Maybe he could take her away just the two of them for one weekend?

I think she wants holidays and time with just her dad but isn’t confident enough to ask for it for some reason. Why don’t you ask your DH to organise a trip on a weekend around her birthday for the two of them?

Why don’t you ask your DH to organise a trip on a weekend around her birthday for the two of them?

Why should he? He has two children.

He has at least 3 children. And his 15 year old hasn’t behaved well about this trip and chosen not to go so I wouldn’t be rewarding her by doing something special at this point.