What to do about extra costs due to DP's children ?

[TheStuffedPenguin]

We have DP's children here every other weekend . I have no dependent children. Obviously food bills are higher when they are here and then there are visits to restaurants etc .. I support myself BTW.

What do you do in a situation like this ?
Should DP contribute more to the household account? If so can you suggest a %?

I don't see why I should support his children 50% . Am I being mean ?

Sometimes it's my OH's family who seem to assume I should be helping pay for them! They get very surprised if I pay for me and OH to go away but don't pay for the children to join us.

In your situation I wouldn't really make a big deal about more food EOW but I would expect him to cover all the eating out..

This. I wouldn’t be too fussed about food etc, me and DH never really tallied this up. But for days out etc he has always covered his sons expenses.

No your not their to support his children

The parents are

stuffedpenguin - there are an awful lot of cocklodgers and an awful lot of cockmuffs around the place.

You see the man ( usually) pay a bigger percentage of the household bills if not all for their DPs children from someone else and then be expected to contribute more when their DCs turn up 4 days per month!

Not your scenario I know but there are an awful of Men who do not pay maintenance and then expect the new male partner of their ex to cover the cost!!

Turning it around it seems there are women on here who would expect their children to be paid for by their ex's new partner. I would never have expected that .

When the kids are with Dad, he is responsible for the food budget with the kids. He should be feeding them according to his household budget. As an ex, I obviously have no knowledge of how finances are blended in their household and have no preference whether it's him, her or both who pay. Either way, the eating out/going out budget would affect his gf as it's reducing the amount available when the kids aren't there.

In your shoes I wouldn't begrudge extra water or food at the supermarket (2 weekends a month = £50 tops extra?) but I think that your h should probably pay 75% of meals out (I'm assuming 2 kids who eat adult meals at a non fast-food place) and pay 100% for outings that are for the kids benefits eg cinema to watch something that they want to see but you ordinarily wouldn't. If he can't afford that then he needs to just take the kids or reduce the outings.

My DP and I are on similar money, slightly different as my kids from previous live with us. I lost a lot of UC and student grants when he moved in which we knew would happen. I felt like he shouldn't pay as much towards the household as I do, but he said there are 2 adult so it gets split 50/50. So he pays 50% towards all household bills inc rent and food. He will also pay for meals out and cinema trips as will I for all of us. He pays for half of holidays, I'll pay the petrol and he will pay the food shop etc.
I would be gutted if he split hairs over what they cost us.
I do keep their maintenance and CB which buys the big stuff like clubs, shoes and clothes, birthday pressies and some childcare. I would expect him to buy any of that unless he wanted to.

TBH yes I expect my ex's partner to contribute especially as when he moved in with her then MY maintenance went down due to HER child, then it went down when THEY had a baby together. So I am contributing to hers in effect, and my dp is subsidising mine. If she begrudged 2 days of food for my kids eow I would be appalled.

It annoys the hell out of me when MN users think us 'step mums' are all ok for paying for their children but we're not allowed any input in 'parenting' them.

You are not being petty at all. They are not your children so why should you have to pay for them?!

Just broach the subject with DP and explain he will need to contribute extra towards HIS children.

It sounds like your DP children are ungrateful so no wonder you don't want to assist further. They are old enough to appreciate the things you do so of they don't then that speaks volumes as to how they've been brought up.

@raspberryk How are you contributing to your Ex's new baby? How you've put that is so bloody privileged and expecting your Ex's money. Frankly it's quite pathetic.

Any person who has a baby should realise they run the risk of having to provide for that child 100% on their own. If you can't commit to that then don't have kids.

All this expecting others to provide for your child is rubbish. It's solely the parents responsibility.

Step-parents aren’t responsible for a child’s upkeep, their parents are; legally. In the event of OP’s DH’s death she would not need to give his child anything that wasn’t specified in a will. Similarly if OP died without a will her DH would be able to use her assets to benefit his children.

All this talk about moral responsibilities / doing the right thing etc etc is moot. A step-parent is never financial responsible for a child