Pooling opinions: joint and seperate holidays

[Spanglyprincess1]

Just poling opinions. Dp earns a lot less than me, his choice as self employed in hobby related job he loves. He has 4 kids, 3 with ex wife and 1 with me. I just have our joint child.
I can afford to go away more often me and baby and I'm happy to go away just us or with aunts or grandparents or friends. He works away a lot over the summer anyway so I have to take leave for childcare on days he covers plus he has regular access day with his other children.
I also go halves on one family holiday for everyone once a year.
He is getting a bit snippy about fact I'm going away without him.
Am I being unfair? He can't really go due to work and childcare commitments for the other and contact schedule and money means we can't take all 6 every time.
We do one holiday together a year, which I happily pay half for, and I'm funding any other trips myself, they aren't dri king binges there bbay holidays with dc!

I am in a similar boat OP but I'm afraid I'm less generous than you. DH earns way less than me but basically works part time (not officially but in a job that requires far fewer hours than mine which is full time). He has 2 DCs, 16 and 13, I have 2 kids, 11 and 9, and we have a 10 month old baby together. I work full time and sacrifice being at home with the kids which I would LOVE to do but we can't afford it as DS couldn't even cover mortgage on his salary (it's my house and he moved in). I used to pay for holidays for his DCs but have stopped as I basically felt like a cash cow plus his kids get holidays and multiple other treats/outings with their mum. DH basically wants his kids to have everything my kids have but it simply isn't possible. This year my mum wants to treat me and the kids to a holiday but cannot and does not want to pay for his kids as well which I think is fair enough. We are going to go when his kids are on holiday with their mum but I am pretty sure DH will not agree to come on the basis that his kids are not coming. I honestly don't think it's reconcilable and it could be one of the reasons we split up.

@Avala2019

So is he expecting your to pay for his children to go on holiday? Bit of a cheek if he is.

I can see why you felt like a cash cow.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable OP but I think Tiger is right in saying poeple would respond differently if your DP was going away with your DC and leaving you at home

Having said that, if you did pay for your DP to go on holiday with you and DC then no doubt mumsnet would say the SDC shouldn’t be left out so you then go from spending your money on yourself and one DC to spending it on two adults and four children so you almost can’t win but it sounds like the verdict is YANBU

Tbh if I couldn't get leave n he was taking baby then rock on and go (once bby isn't breastfed). My working week would be much simpler without the running around n it would be good bonding time for them. Although I'd miss them.
Avala- that's sad could he not pay for his own kids to go or take them somewhere cheaper instead on his own

*Avala2019
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Is he like that for day trips too (won't go if his kids aren't there), or just holidays? X

Hi Lily. No, he will come on day trips without them so it's really just holidays that are the problem. So difficult as literally impossible to book anything unless I just go ahead and plan for my kids. The times I used to try to plan for all of it would be a nightmare as I would pay for the vast majority of costs then trying to agree dates with his ex would be a massive pain in the arse (loads of back and forth, negotiation etc). Completely ridiculous.