Wicked witch today

[Spanglyprincess1]

Long - sorry.
I work from home most of the time. We have a son together and dps older 3 40%,after mediation and court. The contact is agreed after 3 months of arguments. We have Feb half term. Two weeks summer and October half term. We had to fight to get this agreed as there her kids, her words and she has first choice when she wants them.
Exw childcare fell through for Easter and dp, with no discussion or conversation with me has had the children an extra week. Np if at weekends though not ideal but it's all weekdays, he works and I work and he's arranged no childcare outside of the home or even discussed it with me. The kids are at primary so all need supervision.
I was seriously cross, livid in fact, as its almost impossible for me to work with them here and my son, our son, is still in childcare so I can work. I said it was totally unreasonable not to even discuss it with me first (I've taken annual leave for the other weeks, we have them in school holidays). He said it doesn't effect or impact me at all, so it didn't matter and he's made an executive decision that he can do what he wants(exact words) . It bloody does! I said fine but he was responsible for everything then as it was insulting to say that.
I've had to work from my mom's house all week meaning earlier starts everyday, I've refused to cook or tidy or so anything outside of my normal routine -as according to him it didn't effect me at all if they are here.
I've still been nice eg watch films and given them. Their easter eggs etc.
He's now angry at me as I'm being ridiculous, but I'm so cross that he didn't even have the common courtesy to. Speak to me about something which impacts our working week and expected me to be the one to make all the adjustments. I usually do all the breakfast, all the other meals, everything when they are here - so I think he's felt the full stress of actually looking after them. He's also freaking out now as he's been unable to. Work all week so low on money, again his own fault. He asked me to help out and I said no, as I wasn't consulted and it didn't effect me.
He's just had a massive go at me for being selfish and not helping.
I know he thinks I'm a Wicked witch but I'm sick of being taken for granted!

Kinda. He just is a bit disorganised which doesn't help to.

@Spanglyprincess1 no need to apologise for bitterness I don't think you are xxx

Oh I probably am but thank you.
I have no shoes which I didn't realise as I live in trainers or work shoes., so more expense for holiday and bbay needs the next stage car seat as out of his >nfant carrier. Which no doubt I will be buying all of.
Its his middle dc (My dsc) birthday and so he's getting expensive gifts. To me the car seat is as important as baby needs it.

He thinks it’s not his fault he has no money, Christ. That’s scary.

He’s pleasing himself and just breezing through life knowing you’ll do the grunt work and be the grown up and parent his kids. All this for zero thanks - as apparently it ‘doesn’t affect you’. He shouldn’t ‘have’ to save money or think ahead. Too busy pleasing himself in his hobby job. Your job is to make his life easy. I reckon he splurged that cash when he had the dc to put you back in your box.

Sounds to me like this relationship has you :
Parenting his 3 kids
Parenting your own baby
Working full time
Parenting him.

No wonder you’re on your knees.

I actually think you would be far better off without him and the mental load of two families and his fuckwittery making it a harder (not to mention the lack of appreciation!).

Go on that holiday without him. Lean on your family. Think about whether you want this for the rest of your life.

@Spanglyprincess1 it's just so scary isn't it that he just assumes you will get the baby a car seat!

I have the same problem with my partner - every weekend apparently my SD needs expensive gifts which is more important than putting a roof over our heads!

I have said to him to start a little savings fun as her birthday is in December and Xmas etc and this year with baby it will be so expensive!!

I get scared this is the rest of my life!!

I'm sorry but if can not afford day to day living expenses and the commitments he already has already made, then he can not afford to buy his older child an expensive birthday present.

He can to a point, his bills and household et including car work out to around 550-600 ish a month. That includes cms to his ex.
He pays food n fuel ontop.
So his living costs are not high at all.

Do you foot the bill for mortgage/rent on your own?

I ask as those outgoings are tiny.

In fact if he has 3 dc 50% of the time I don’t know how his outgoings can be that small.

None of it makes sense, except that this man has been allowed/enabled to not grow up. Recent threads mention he doesn’t get up til 9am, after which you make him breakfast after bf baby all night. He complained after doing one night feed and also thought it was fine to care for your newborn following 5-6 pints and slurring his words. Also he works all day, every evening and weekends. He has no time for your family unit of 3 with new baby. Nor the money. Nor the maturity. Only spends time with his other 3 dc.

Yours is very much the short end of the stick and I would be planning to kick him out (I presume he lives in your house, spangly - rent free?

I own my house outright so yes no rent

@Spanglyprincess1 I don't think you sound bitter either - just exhausted.
The more I read of these threads & the more I see of life the more I think we as women are always getting the short end of the straw. I'm sooooo sick of dads (my own dp & exh included) moaning on about not living with all their kids full time! Yes it's tough but if you can't live with the outcome don't separate or get a divorce!!! for the record I know some men are left)
Honestly they're like kids who can't take responsibility for their own actions & who insist on blaming everyone & anyone for their awful lot in life. Sorry my patience at a low ebb after another weekend of dp moaning about his situation with his kids.

He’a got it made!

I don't think he's got it made, he still pays towards the running of the house and his own expenses/car.
I'm fortunate that I was able to save a lot and could buy when I did. I don't earn as much now due to staying local and hours for baby but I'm still full time. It's a good compromise

He has got it made, Spangly. Seems like he’s drifting through life on a fluffy wee cloud of entitlement while other people (you!) do the actual adulting. Honestly, giving him credit for paying HIS OWN expenses is the Big Boy equivalent of the old cheeky remark about kids getting points in exams for writing their own names. He still needs to provide for ALL of his children adequately and it seems like he can’t be arsed.

It wasn't credit it was more that I don't subsidise him and the other kids.
I won't let our joint child do without thought as I'm his mom

But he's not contributing to your joint child. He should be paying towards a new car seat.

You subsidise him by paying his share of your baby’s expenses, allowing him to lavish the extra on his older children. Obviously you don’t want your baby to go without, but that’s what it amounts to.

So despite having the benefit of your house (please don't ever marry him!) and your good income he wanted you to look after his children whilst he goes to his job.

What type of job does he have? He works so many hours yet paid so little.

He does it made, although he does sound like a victim. What is relationship like with his Ex? That will be the template for how he treats you.

The lack of holiday money is passive aggressive and a power play. Whatever you do you will be in the wrong and you will not enjoy the holiday.

His relationship with his ex is odd, tbh, agreesive on her part as she hates him but he drops everything when asked. Helped her move house. Covers all sick etc so she doesn't have to miss work if kids are ill, does one weeknight and eow weekends and over 50% of school holiday weekdays eg all of Feb half term and Oct half term, 3 weeks summer holidays plus extra days. Easter we had them 10 days out of 14, basically all but the bh days.
He does childcare for our son 1.5 days a week and we do paid childcare ontop and I work wierd compressed shifts to fit around the rest. So Monday childcare, Tuesday and Wed morning with him(same weekdays he has school runs etc with the dsc) Thursday to Sunday with me all day. All evenings I do with baby and he does two nights of night waking if baby wakes due to me starting at 5 am. I do the rest.
So he is hands on with both sets of kids.
Its just stuff like this post that gets me down, eg attitude to money and impact of choices on everyone else aka me

My mom helps out sometimes with baby around my shifts on the days I have him

If he's getting a week off, child free, when's yours?

I breastfeed still and really struggle to express, so non at moment. I have an overnight out with girls at end of next month which will be nice. Baby free!

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