I don't want my partner's son to live with us

[Audreykicks]

I feel like the worst person in the world. I have 2 boys (both 4 but not twins!) and my partner has a 7 year old. His son has been living with us for 2 weeks now and is set to stay. his mum has mental health problems and in my view is a waste of space in general but for whatever reason she is happy for him to come to us. I struggle with a few physical health conditions and mental health, I struggle to cope sometimes anyway but I just don't want another child! I didn't get any choice in the matter and I have never bonded with his son. He's rude and spoilt and I feel on edge all the time. I am expected to care for him, wash his clothes, cook for him, and everything a mother would. But I don't want to! My boyfriend pretty much moved in with other asking me preoprly and I feel so trapped! I can't talk to him cos it's his son and of course it's what's best for him that counts. I get that and that's why I haven't said no but do I really resign myself to being unhappy for the next 15 years?!
My eldest son has problems at school and is being assessed for Autism etc. I don't like the way my children behave around his son and they've had a tough life already due to their difficult father, house fire, robbery, I could go on.
Please help me! Do I sacrifice my happiness for a kid who doesn't even like me? or do I end my relationship? My partner will move out if I say his son can't live here. He is a great Dad and I know he would chose his son but who the hell am I to ask someone to do that anyway?!

Audreykicks - so what are you going to do?

@Rachellover40

2 children can be conceived and born to one woman within a 12 month period.

Sometimes known as Irish twins, but only on mumsnet have I heard the term is racist. So please no comments on that which will only derail the thread.

Yes they can. One of my good friends ‘got back in the saddle’ so to speak when baby was 6 weeks old. Pregnant. Both DC in the same year, not twins

You did get a choice though....you chose to have a relationship with a man who already had a child. This was always a possibility. He's a parent.

I am expected to care for him, wash his clothes, cook for him, and everything a mother would. But I don't want to! My boyfriend pretty much moved in with other asking me preoprly and I feel so trapped! I can't talk to him cos it's his son and of course it's what's best for him that counts.

Well, you have a partner issue. He's lumped you with caring for his ds and he gets off scot-free. How did he just move in without both of you agreeing it?

Stop being so passive, OP! This is your life! Ask him to move out. Say he moved in too soon, you're not ready for this, you have to think of your dc and the effect it would have on them...

It's perfectly.okay op to ask for some space
. He needs to do the parenting. Letting him and his D's move out will give them the time and space they need. Plus you and him the space you need. It isn't nessisarily the end of your relationship.

You have to talk to this guy, and he HAS to parent his own child regardless of how you feel!

He moved in by stealth, you’ve become his unpaid childminder by stealth and it’s not what you want

You are going to have to be brave and ask him to move out and be the parent to his ds that is needed

You have more than enough on your plate already

Yanbu

In your first two posts you have called the mother a waste of space.
Please don't do that. Whatever her circumstances.

You need to be assertive and tell your partner he has to move out. Then you can have the household YOU want with your children. It is in ALL your best interests.

Your partner sounds like a manipulative man who is looking for a convenient spot to park his family.

Who the actual fuck just moves themselves into someone's home without discussing it first? No good will come of it as you can see.

Please do NOT put some random above what is best for you and your boys.

Wishing you all the best.

Now off to read the rest of the thread.