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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Holidays and step children

107 replies

allbutt21 · 19/08/2018 22:05

Do your step children come on every holiday with you ? What's fair?
My DH has 2 children (my step children ages 12 and 10) we have 2 together (ages nearly 4 and 2). We are going on holiday for the first time as a 6 next year. It's been really difficult finding accommodation for 6 and somewhere with activities for all kids. Even travel agent said accommodation for 6 is hard to find. Until now we've just done days out, overnight stays here and there, and a couple of caravan holidays in UK. I can see the elder 2 getting a bit bored of this now. (Understandably). After next year we'll be tied to school holidays, some of the prices are during school holidays. I don't think we could afford school holidays every year for 6. We will also be tied to a minimal choice of good accommodation for 6 and less choice of destination. Im also thinking its a bit unfair that our younger 2 will miss out. Do you ever alternate holidays when SC come? Does anyone know of good places that cater for 6. I think it definitely works out better if we're all inclusive too.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

AliceRR · 20/08/2018 10:09

OP has this helped at all?

I’m conscious sometimes these posts turn into debate between posters and the original question is sometimes lost.

Step family questions tend to spark a lot of debate!

What does your husband think?

flamingofridays · 20/08/2018 10:11

i tend not to ask questions about step parenting on here because youll always be told how shit and awful you are.

unless you put the stepkids first before you own kids under all circumstances, you're shit.

nobody cares about your kids, only the step kids matter on MN.

ReservoirDogs · 20/08/2018 10:11

We used to do a mix and DSS would have holidays with his mum etc. but we were lucky enough financially to have more than 1 a year.

It never seems to have caused any issues/been a problem or perhaps he will be in therapy when he is 40 moaning about it.

AliceRR · 20/08/2018 10:12

@flamingofridays Yes there is definitely a lack of sympathy for posters with step children! Some posts I have seen are brutal!

IfIWasABirdIdFlyIn2ACeilingFan · 20/08/2018 10:17

they are missing out. the older kids are getting to go abroad, the younger kids are not

But that’s not from their shared parent!! It’s entirely separate! The older DCs Mum doesn’t have a responsibility to the OPs DC!

the same "dad experience" well the only solution to that is that he ditches op and goes back to his ex wife.

Well no, that’s obviously not what anyone is suggesting. What I’m saying is he can make things up a bit by making sure he is treating them as fairly as possible and he can take them all on holiday with him. Families of six have to spread the money thinner than families of four. This man has a family of 6. That’s not his children’s fault.

flamingofridays · 20/08/2018 10:20

its not his childrens fault - but yet the younger ones are missing out, but that's ok.

it might be entirely separate but it still counts, theres no way that if DSS had several holidays with his mum, that I would not take DS away!

PrettyLovely · 20/08/2018 10:22

I also believe it still counts regardless.
I dont see a problem in taking your children away separately especially if you alternate it.

IfIWasABirdIdFlyIn2ACeilingFan · 20/08/2018 10:25

They’re missing out because their parents want more expensive holidays than they can afford. Not because they have two older siblings. If OP and DH put a bit of thought into it they could have all the Dc on holiday every year. I have two children, it would be much cheaper to leave one at home, DC 2 and I could have a much nicer holiday than if we took DC 1 with us. But I don’t- because I have two children! So I book what I can afford for the three of us. Most times that means 3 nights in a caravan in Donegal.

WhiteCat1704 · 20/08/2018 10:27

This man has a family of 6. That’s not his children’s fault.

OP and her children are there too. OPs children have a right to have holidays with both their parents. OP has the right to holiday with her husband and their young children. SC go with their mother and OPs family should not be held hostage to their availability.

Op go twice. With ALL the children and also just with your 2two in school holidays when SC are at their mums.

WhiteCat1704 · 20/08/2018 10:28

Was meant to say go outside school holidays with your 2.

flamingofridays · 20/08/2018 10:30

bird that's not at all the same and you know it

IfIWasABirdIdFlyIn2ACeilingFan · 20/08/2018 10:31

Well really no one has a right to a holiday. If people can afford a holiday they should go on one.

IfIWasABirdIdFlyIn2ACeilingFan · 20/08/2018 10:32

Of course it’s the same!! You go on the holiday you can afford! I have two Dc- this man has four. He needs to budget for four kids on holiday.

flamingofridays · 20/08/2018 10:38

op doesn't have 4 though does she

IfIWasABirdIdFlyIn2ACeilingFan · 20/08/2018 10:46

She can take her two DC away if she likes. No-one is stopping her.

IfIWasABirdIdFlyIn2ACeilingFan · 20/08/2018 10:47

That would be the equivalent of what the older Dc are getting- holidays with Mum- no holidays with dad. All fair.

flamingofridays · 20/08/2018 10:47

right so she can take her dc away, as long as their dad is not there.

this is stupid.

flamingofridays · 20/08/2018 10:48

this delusion of everything having to be "equal" makes me laugh

I mean come on.... seriously

IfIWasABirdIdFlyIn2ACeilingFan · 20/08/2018 10:48

Why is that stupid? Apparently a holiday with Mum counts as a family holiday so why wouldn’t it count for OP and her DC?

IfIWasABirdIdFlyIn2ACeilingFan · 20/08/2018 10:50

It’s acceptable to holiday without two of the DC but not acceptable to have a holiday without dad? Except if you’re the step Dc of course, then you just have to accept not getting a holiday with dad.

flamingofridays · 20/08/2018 10:51

it would count as a holiday for them, i'm not saying it wouldn't, but its not the same is it

the step kids live with their mum so they go on holiday with her

ops kids live with her and their dad so they go

and if they want to or can afford it they can also all go together

excluding dad doesn't solve the problem here does it - I think you know that under all your bullshit

WhiteCat1704 · 20/08/2018 10:51

That would be the equivalent of what the older Dc are getting- holidays with Mum- no holidays with dad. All fair.

Well no. Two young children should not be denied holidays with BOTH their parents together. Their parents are not divorced.

IfIWasABirdIdFlyIn2ACeilingFan · 20/08/2018 10:54

The older children shouldn’t be denied a holiday with both their parents just because the budget would mean a less luxurious holiday.

excluding dad doesn't solve the problem here does it

How wouldn’t it? It would mean OP would have a lot more money to spend on the holiday for her DC.

EachPeachPearRum · 20/08/2018 10:55

This is rather mission impossible OP. On the whole Mumsnet doesn't recognise the challenges faced by blended families. And for some reason they get "should-ed" on more than nuclear families. Every family is unique. It would be utterly bizarre to me for DH to take my DSC away on an entirely separate holiday. We have done one to the US where DH took the DSC to New York City for a few days while we stayed at the beach because I was hugely pregnant our 4 year old would have been miserable. This year the DSC are going on a big skiing holiday with their mum. We are took everyone camping for a long weekend and will take the just our two for a term time sun break. No one feels hard done by. But it's about the dynamic within the family and how your DH feels. Only you can know how that will play.

flamingofridays · 20/08/2018 10:56

don't be stupid bird

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