Help me please I'm losing sleep

[Stepparentchallenges]

I’m not sleeping, and have a 2 hour drive to collect step kids for a week tomorrow. Sounds so horrible but the closer it’s getting the more and more I am dreading it. My partner is picking up on this too as he says I’m never interested in talking about the coming down. Don’t get me wrong I have days out planned with them, done a big food shop etc but we currently haven’t got tax credits as they reckon we owe them £2000 as they haven’t taken into account the £3800 I had to minus for maternity. But I messaged their mum other day asking her to get them to choose items from a menu as we need to pre order being 12 of us. She instantly replied with ‘ xxx doesn’t want anything of the large kids menu. And we do always let her have the adult menu now’.... so I didn’t want to argue and simply replied ‘fine please ask xxx to pick something of the main menu and I’ll sort the difference out it’s not a problem’. My step dad is paying and with the kids deal xxx would get dessert and drink included whereas with the adults wouldn’t and may not be able to have to dessert like the other kids as I am not wanting to take the piss out my stepdads generosity when he’s only met them 3 times. She then replied ‘I don’t see the issue with xxx having the adult menu you guys are making xxx have kids everywhere just to save money to go on days out with the two boys living with you and I have told Xxx this and xxx isn’t to accept you guys telling to have a kids meal.’

Now I am obviously just concerned at how much they are going to play up, my routine with the boys and partner will just go out the window. We are now being made to kick my son out of his bedroom move the cot into our room so then my stepkids can have his room as again the BM kicked off (but this Is the first time they have stayed since Christmas we don’t want a empty room.) and we were going to give them the lounge every night and we would have gone to bed early as we bought them these ready beds. and has now told them that daddy has a holiday booked abroad next year without them, he went Peppa Pig world without them and now won’t buy their school shoes so we have already had tantrums on the phone from them.

We said to her if we had the money we will sort out their school shoes, as she only likes them having Clark’s, when they are down. However because they stopped tax credits whilst re doing it we are about £600 short this month. But as he has already promised them these days out I can’t really stop them now. I don’t have anything I can sell to even make some extra cash. We use to always pay half unforom, fair maintenance resulting in extra weeks some months but as she claimed it wasn’t enough she went csa and has been left worse off.

Just feeling she has pushed that she is allowing them to stay this summer but has done all she can to sabotage it from the start.

Any help, advice I desperately need sleep! Feel like such a failure as we had been getting on well when o had been goinb up Fridays to see them and had sorted out their dad but feel like this will be a huge step back.

[YeTalkShiteHen]

Wow OP, I was beginning to think that you were just misunderstood and married to a complete prick.

Reread your last statement and if you can’t see anything wrong with it you’re too far down the rabbit hole to fix it!!!

[TwistedStitch]

His daughter having been through a life threatening illness just makes your partner's disinterest in her seem even worse tbh. Poor little girl.

[lunar1]

How on earth do you know what costs are associated with her hydrocephalus? Your husband is feckless and absent.

Or do you think it just manages itself with no monitoring or maintenance. The more you post the more idiotic you make yourself sound.

[Stepparentchallenges]

I was just trying to state that if she had costs incurred with her hydropceplaus without a doubt we would contribute towards it. But my partner has lived with her for the first 5 years and he has said it's never cost them. Yes I agree that csa amounts isn't always enough to cover things and that's why for me I have to priorities keeping the roof
Over the boys heads before I can try and sort school shoes or extra maintenance for the girls. For a while he was paying her double and then reduced it but it was still
More than her csa amount now. She had a better deal when it wasn't csa. I am just trying to say I make do with the amount of csa I get some months it's not needed others it is. And I'm sure she will have months that she doesn't need to buy them clothes and pay for trips etc so the maintenance can be used to save or for other bits.

[YeTalkShiteHen]

I was just trying to state that if she had costs incurred with her hydropceplaus without a doubt we would contribute towards it

How? He won’t even buy school shoes!

[Stepparentchallenges]

He was the one when she was a week
Old who was at the hospital day and night as her mum struggled seeing her baby in that state so she looked after their eldest daughter. And I have seen photos and family have confirmed he was the one by her bedside. He has always said they have never had costs x

[WhatFreshHellisCis]

Oh I know it’s not actually ghostspirit but the poor grammar, the relentless posting and the failure to acknowledge/take on board help and advice just reminded me
Infuriating posters.

[Stepparentchallenges]

Csa is there to cover uniforms, shoes, school stuff, food etc. However it isn't there to support the disability and we would always need to help more

[YeTalkShiteHen]

I give up.

OP you’re on a hiding to nothing defending this disgraceful excuse for a man. You’re as bad as he is, and all of the children are paying the price. As always.

[lunar1]

Wow, he was a dad for a week!

How is the hydrocephalus treated? Does she have a shunt?

[scrumplepaper]

Why isn't your partner the one worrying about school shoes and extra maintenance?

[TwistedStitch]

I'm going to say now that I don't believe for a single minute that a neglectful gambling addict ever paid double the CSA amount.

You did seem like you were starting to see things more clearly yesterday but you are back to defending the indefensible again.

[onedayonedaymaybe]

It's time to open your eyes and realise what kind of a person you are with. You have all this stress and anxiety with trying to sort things out for HIS children, he should be doing all of it! You need to take a massive step back and have a good think is this really what you want for the next however many years.

[bastardkitty]

The way you stalk about your step children is awful. The way you talk to your step children is awful. The way you talk about their mother is awful. The way you try to paint yourself as some kind of amazing step mother for providing them with the absolute basics, such as somewhere to sleep, is awful. Your partner is utterly fucking useless. I feel s sorry for those poor children.

[SD1978]

So I take it he didn't sell his xbox then to pay for shoes for his child? Sorry/ Xbox is a luxury- the ability to go to school on shoes that don't leak a necessity. Your mum already said she'd pay for one pair, he had to pay for the other. No shoes being bought means your partner can't give up sodding computer games to match a very generous offer from your mum?! He sounds like an arse, and I'm sorry, but your posts never make you sound too great either- he doesn't drive, and made up a crap illness didn't he to not have to see his kids because the trains a hassle- after you chose to move away from them if I remember?

[funinthesun18]

Your mum already said she'd pay for one pair, he had to pay for the other.

He should be buying both pairs. Op why is he letting your mum buying his child’s school shoes? I cannot imagine getting with someone and having their parents pay for things like school shoes for my kids. Your mum shouldn’t be doing it.

[funinthesun18]

An Xbox would fetch enough money for two pairs of shoes not just one. Has he sold it yet?

[cantstandmenow]

If he's only earning £230 a week, then assuming he's earning at least minimum wage, he can't be working full time. Why not?

[jilldoyoulikeowls]

IS THIS ACTUALLY REAL?!

OP you are so feckless, mean, spiteful, and stupid (and I don't say that lightly).

These poor girls.

Your partner sounds just as useless as you.

You're getting yourself in a tizz about the whole situation while he sits on his arse and belittles their mother.

I am a step mum and oh my days do women like you give us a bad name.

I think you are truly acidic. Even after everything people have written you come back with a rambling post about how ungrateful and rude the girls are, how your partner is tired because he works so hard to get money to "pay their mother and see them". Absolutely vile.

I hope this is a joke.

[jilldoyoulikeowls]

Oh and just seen "if you saw him with the boys he's a different man"

You want to hope he's still amazing with them when you split up and he is paying you £20 a week for them in maintenance and can't be arsed to see them because his new partner thinks they're entitled little shits. (Just to paraphrase everything you've written about the girls)

Good luck OP.

[Stepparentchallenges]

He hasn't sold his Xbox, sorry it wasn't my mum it was his mum that offered to pay one pair. She has now paid for both and he will
Pay her back when the tax credits get sorted. We ended up spending my sons first birthday today going round the different Clark's shops to finally get them a pair each that they wanted. Went to three different towns and finally got them sorted. Messaged the ex wife who was happy and is now revelling on Facebook that kicking off and being horrible has worked in her favour. I am not even going to rise to it. He knows for next year he needs to save a couple quid ha k each week.

I have stopped buying Xbox games on my very account and also haven't had the money to give him these last 2 weeks. I have suggested that perhaps he moves out and rents a room locally somewhere for a few months to get himself in a better financial
State, and to not depend on me sorting it. I can then at least sort and clear my credit card and very account he has racked up. Plus it gives me some time to think.

Hydrocephalus she does have a shunt, and has a appointment once a year to just check it. She was in and out the first few months having a few different ones fitted her last surgery was at 1 and she's now 7.

He was paying her £80 a week when he first
Moved down here, he lived at our place of work on the staff accommodation which is free so his only outgoings then was food and for the girls. I was w little shocked he paid so much when he said. He chose to move away he got the job transfer etc before I met him and we started a relationship.

Had the eldest tonight upset she doesn't want to go home tomorrow and back to mummy. It's hard to no what to say or suggest. The tickets still haven't turned up that we were waiting for yesterday so praying they come tomorrow morning before we leave to go there if not we have promised them we will
Arrange a Sunday with their mum to take them.

I am not saying they are entitled little shits, I was simply saying is they carry on to be ungrwatfeul they will turn out to be entitled adults who think the world owes them. But yesterday there was no need for the behaviour and I was appalled she complained at the amount of presents saying it wasn't much. If I said that as a child my parents would have taken it away and so would a lot of people. I think too many people these days are just afraid of disciplining kids and say that bad manners etc is them'expressimg themselves' it's not there is still basic manners to follow.

It's not there I sponge or my parents but we wouldn't have had a holiday and if my parents offered to pay we would be silly to turn it down.

This time tomorrow they will be home and I will be sitting down and discussing everything with my partner because I feel there needs to be changes financially not
Only for the girls but also the boys and our home. We need a plan forward so that maybe I drive him up Fridays with our baby son he sees the girls and stays at his mums overnight and catches train back next day. It's a compromise so he only does one way train journey each time. Or maybe she lets the girls stay a weekend a month and the other weekend we go up the Friday. Csa wise I will leave for him to decide what he feels is best. Even if he pays the csa and keeps a little aside even a £1 a week.

Yes my soon is pre school however he still costs me in nappies which the girls wouldn't at school, he still needs same amount of
Shoes as them, clothes for Home and seperate ones for nursery as it's messy and they get ruined. And we are at the moment buying all sorts of creams to try for ha eczema as it's leaving his skin peeling. So we still have a lot of costs with him. Plus packed lunches for nursery when the girls get free school dinner .