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Step-parenting

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School holidays.

114 replies

Pussinboots94 · 31/07/2018 13:19

Hey all, just looking for some advice because sometimes I worry I’m looking at everything from one viewpoint or being biased etc etc and I think sometimes it’s good to stand back and get the viewpoint of other people. This is the second lot of school holidays to occur since meeting my partner. Last year I wouldn’t have said I had major involvement however this year I’d say I have a bit more input regarding the kids (much to the mothers dislike) and obviously this would involve holidays. We took the kids for a long weekend away to a holiday park a couple weekends back (which they loved) as this is what my partners says off would allow and as you can imagine our budgets allowed for. I think more than three days would have been chaos and to be honest with the young ages of the kids I think three days to them is a holiday anyways. Regardless, last week the ex messaged my partner “have you asked about time off in the holidays?” I have to entertain them for six weeks etc. And I’m honestly so unsure of my stance. Her parents have them for her ALOT, something mentioned by the kids themselves so we know they will be helping her out (probably more than they reasonably should) and obviously when my partner was with her he wouldn’t have taken six weeks off to have them with her. But still they are his kids and he doesn’t stop being a parent just because he’s stopped being there. He has a weeks holiday to use but me perhaps selfishly would like a weeks holiday this year like anyone would and so would he but at the same time kids come first. I’m so torn at what he should do. Even if he took the week off it would just be his kids spending time at his mums with him as he hasn’t booked any holidays etc. Fair enough of her to ask but a week before the summer holidays start?! Should he?

OP posts:
CosmicCanary · 31/07/2018 17:47

He gets annual leave. He beeds to use it to parent his children in the holidays or pay for childcare.
It doesnt matter what "breaks mum gets" or if their grand parents have them.
He is their father and as such he should be using some if his annual leave to have his children in the holidays.
He isnt so hes a twat in my book. Stop making excuses for him.

MissVanjie · 31/07/2018 18:22

Nrps pulling their weight wrt to the school holidays is nothing to do with what wxtra help someone does or does not get though. Yes it is shit that some people don’t get help from extended family, and it is beyond shit that your dcs’ father shirked his reaponsibilities. But none of that has any bearing on whether or not op’s partner should step up and do his bit. It’s nothing to do with what the other parent ‘deserves’ or not. It’s about taking responsibility for the children he has helped create.

MissVanjie · 31/07/2018 18:31

And btw this “For example if someone never gets any break from their kids I think they deserve some extra support so she can get a break.”

Time with their dad is not the ‘extra’ here. The extra is the time with their gps. Parental responsibilities are not opt in and opt out.

PrettyLovely · 31/07/2018 18:51

" Nrps pulling their weight wrt to the school holidays is nothing to do with what wxtra help someone does or does not get though. "

I think it does in this case as the ops partner works and the ex doesnt and her Mum has the kids quite alot so she doesnt need the extra support, so it wouldnt make sense for him to use most of his holiday entitlement in the summer holidays if the ex doesnt work and doesnt need relief.
He should break it up over the year.
Think we will just have to agree to disagree on that one.

"Parental responsibilities are not opt in and opt out."

Unfortunately for some they are.

lunar1 · 31/07/2018 19:02

So the children have two completely neglectful parents and your main concern is that your boyfriend saves his holiday for you?

MissVanjie · 31/07/2018 19:54

Thr mum doesn’t have the kids ‘quite a lot’ she has them all the time bar two weekends a month and every other wednesday evening

Being at home with school age dc plus toddler in the summer holidays is not the same as being at home with a toddler in term time - there is a lot of extra work. Food banks are stretched to breaking point at this time of year as people struggle. If dc have two parents it is only right and fair that they share the extra load. Discretionary help from extended family is irrelevant to this, as is the fact that many people (let’s call a spade a spade here: men) cba and totally shirk this responsibility.

But you are right and we will probably have to agree to disagree :)

Childlessstepmum15 · 31/07/2018 19:58

You’ll never get a fair viewpoint on here, you are the evil step figure to these mothers who are projecting their own insecurities. Of course you’re not unreasonable, you chose a life with a man, his kids are part of that but it doesn’t mean you want them around all the bloody time!

CosmicCanary · 31/07/2018 20:02
Hmm
SmileSweetly · 31/07/2018 20:12

Surely as the NRP he wants to spend as much time as possible with them, as he misses them?

I'm sure he's saving up all his leave to spend extra time with them and is grateful for every extra moment the ExW is willing to offer. No?

PrettyLovely · 31/07/2018 20:18

"Thr mum doesn’t have the kids ‘quite a lot’ she has them all the time bar two weekends a month and every other wednesday evening"

"Her parents have them for her ALOT, something mentioned by the kids themselves so we know they will be helping her out (probably more than they reasonably should)"

Thats not the case is it, You may want to have another read of the thread ^^

As I said I cant keep going over everything else, Everyone has different viewpoints and thats ok and lets be honest theres a fair few things that need to be sorted out here than just contact in the summer holidays.

ohreallyohreallyoh · 31/07/2018 21:02

Lots of other single parents don’t have 3 jobs. You are very lucky to be able to afford to do that if you have your children 10 out of 14 nights. Not bad

Really? You are fully aware of my circumstances? Lucky to be able to work 3 jobs? Lucky?

I don’t imagine anyone has 3 jobs unless they had to!

Maybe I have to? Do you wanna take the piss a bit more? Or is it hilarious that there are people out there working their socks off for their families? My children’s step mother recent,y called me ‘lazy’ to my children. Bit rich coming from a woman who doesn’t work, eh? But then she can afford not to work given her partner doesn’t support his children. Not bad. Not bad at all.

MissVanjie · 31/07/2018 21:31

"Her parents have them for her ALOT, something mentioned by the kids themselves so we know they will be helping her out (probably more than they reasonably should)"

Thats not the case is it, You may want to have another read of the thread ^^

Have read the thread, and as i said (and you agreed) time spent with extended family is not a replacement for parental responsibility. This time the dc are with their gps the mother is still responsible for them - if they need to come home for whatever reason it is the mother’s home they will go back to. Also, reading the thread, it seems the op isn’t sure of/changes her mind about a lot of things, including whether the children can be trusted to tell the truth about things, and whether they are in physical danger or suffering developmental delays caused by neglect or not. So not sure why you’re so very hung up on this as absolute gospel :)

One more time: it is nice when grandparents want a relationship with dgc. It’s a nice bonus. It’s good for them, and for the dc. It does not mean that the nrp can just shrug his responsibilities off. That’s not how being a parent works.

PrettyLovely · 31/07/2018 21:36

"One more time:"

Except its not, You go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on

PrettyLovely · 31/07/2018 21:36

And on and on and on and on Confused

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