Holidays

[Crossroads18]

What would you do I feel torn? We are going away May as a holidauball paid for by my parents me, my partner and two boys. I had said I would go on my own so he doesn't feel like he is leaving his kids out be he has insisted on coming. We couldn't afford to add them on, passports etc.

My partner wants to go away for Christmas next year either Butlins (if we could have the girls) or Disneyland Paris if we don't. I know the ex is going to say no as it is Christmas Day. I have suggested to him we look at it for other dates instead when she likely to say yes but his argument is he wants to go at Christmas and doesn't want the boys missing out on experiences just because the girls may not be allowed. Thing is if we go at Christmas we wouldn't be able to afford to do another holiday for the girls to come on a different date. Plus get the time of from our jobs etc. What would you do or suggest to him. He's adamant as he is working and paying for it if he wants to go then we will but I just feel torn. I am doing my best to be better step mum. I have just been to both their sports days and school fairs even though it's cost us a fortune with them living 2 hours away so it's been extra ontop of our contact.

But then I have just offered to buy her presents from us and go our and source them, he's just said no because he reckons I'll try to buy them cheaper and spend less than our budget for them.
I am actually really trying here they were awful when we lasted visited for tantrums and crying and screaming as she couldn't get what she wanted yet I have rose above jr and still feel he isn't trying enough?

Once in a lifetime type of holiday can probably be understood. A repeated situation where he takes half his children and not the other half? No, it's not fair. And ultimately they won't thank him for it. I am compelled to say 'what kind of father' would knowingly take half of his kids away at Xmas knowing he wouldn't see the others? You're right, he's not trying.

I can't imagine how they must be feeling about this (do they know they are being left behind?) The Disney thing is especially awful as he would go without them and not see them at Christmas, what on earth are you thinking doing this?

You again do you ever bloody learn. Everyone please search ops previous threads and previous name! She showed appalling behaviour towards these girls. I’m glad your dp has grown some balls and not going abroad without his girls. Have they got a proper bedroom now or still sleeping on the landing. Stop moaning about costs of traveling to see them he moved 2and half hours away.

Lol he's such a bad dad. Stop posting on here. No sympathy from me

Are you surprised why they cry when they are with you are a horrible person fucking Disneyland with you’re two boys

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/3295462-money-vs-love
One of ops threads

I have searched your name as someone suggested and an even more 😵😡

Is your gambler h paying for his place on your parents holiday? Wtf is he thinking taking 2 out of 4 kids? Disgraceful behaviour. He is showing his girls what he thinks of them and that is why they tantrum- negative attention is better than none.

Relationship advice http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/whatwoulddyoudo/3286993-relationship-advice

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/stepparenting/3286979-school-holidays

op I really do think you’re better out of this relationship. It can’t be healthy stressing about your partner’s children like this all the time. You’ve said yourself you’d be better off. Is it really worth it????

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/stepparenting/3278160-unreasonable-ex-wife

Another one of ops posts under a different username the first op was so bad it got deleted. The girls didn’t even have a proper place to sleep but her son from a previous relationship got a castle bed and her baby had a bedroom.

@Snappedandfarted2018 he is still insisting he comes abroad with us as my family are paying and he doesn't want to miss out with the boys.

I have done everything these last 2 months. When they stay they don't have their own bedroom but we will be moving my sons cot out of his room and he will be in with us whilst they are staying. Although the eldest still wants to sleep in her little tucked away space but I've said she has to go and share the room With her sister. I have been to also the last few weeks on our food shop and I have bought them bits each week for their own special snack drawer. We have got some days our planned when they stay for the week. And have sorted all her birthday myself. I have really been trying with them and now it feels like we are going backwards with him he seems to not care about asmuch.

Financially yes I would be better off but these last few weeks he has sought councillnh for the gambling and the addiction
To fizzy drinks. He has got regular contact now Fridays as now he doesn't get the train up I drive him
Up and he collects them from school until 9. So I have tried pushing everything in the right direction.

But I get where he is coming from
That he doesn't want boys to miss out because they are ex wife wouldn't alllow them to come, and that isn't exactly our fault and I would love to go buy just feeling we will get judged massively.

Best thing you can do for those girls is disappear you and you’re dp! Bloody disgraceful everyone knows who you are even when you name change and will continue to link you’re previous threads.

You and your husband are bloody horrible. Even Harry Potter felt safe in his cupboard under the stairs, that doesn't make it ok for you to make your step daughter sleep on the landing.

In future, as a couple you need to realise that you have 4 children between you, and if you can't do something for all of them don't do it for any. I'm honestly not surprised the children cry when they are with you.

My partner and his kids www.mumsnet.com/Talk/stepparenting/3268150-my-partner-and-his-kids

You should really save this holiday money for the next time he is signed off.

Fucks sake he really is a piece of shit isnt he. Fucking disney at christmas. Why doesnt he go the week before xmas, can take the girls then.
Nah course you fucking wont. Cuz they dont fucking matter do they.

Your shared child is only a baby, is he not? Hardly missing out on anything then. Why can’t your vile partner save the money and take everyone away on a decent holiday for a change?

Can’t afford to travel and see the daughters he moved away from, but can afford Disney at Christmas without them. Ffs.

I’m beginning to think op is a goady fucker no one is this dense that they would continue to make several disgusting threads about the treatment of their step daughters and not see how wrong it is.

@Snappedandfarted2018 I’m aware of OP’s posting history, but have you not misunderstood? Her H Hasn’t grown any balls. It’s him who want to take the boys away without the girls, not instigated by OP?

I think...

I did misread it and thought he was saying he refused to go away without his girls, if only ey. Who the fuck goes to Disney land at Christmas and leaves his dds and take a baby and a boy who isn’t biologically his son.

I find this post really confusing, Do you mean the Mum wont let the dsc go on holiday with you at all or over christmas?

@PrettyLovely she wouldn't let them
Go away over Christmas. However we would need to discuss if we wanted any other holidays and she would decide.

Thing is I have actually stepped up, put my feelings aside and got on with it recently with everything I have done for them as explained in previous responses. I am at least trying but I am unsure as to what to gonwirh do I let him book it knowing they miss out or do we not book it and have him in a strop as he wants to go and doesn't want the boys missing experiences it's mainly the eldest boy he wants to do it for. He keeps nagging about the four of us going Disney. Yet he then claims he loves his girls, they get less than the boys etc etc but he isn't doing anytbinb about anything? Does he even care as much as he says

He's a shit father. But you already knew this when you got with him and decided to have a child with him. It's good that you are recognising your previous attitude was wrong and are trying to change things but he isn't going to change. He opts out of his kid's lives for long periods, makes up injuries to avoid contact, gambles away money he could contribute to them and moved away from them without a second thought.

Why on earth does he expect his ex to give up Christmas with her dc when he’s a shit father who excludes them by you’re admission. Your eldest isn’t even his child. You’re not a family of four you’re a family of six. Why can you go abroad this year paid for by you’re family but can afford Disneyland at Christmas next year! You’re making excuses for this sorry excuse of a man it’s uttwrly disgraceful.

I couldnt go on holiday to disneyland without my stepson I would feel terrible, Can you not go the week before christmas or after?so its around christmas time?