Pregnant EP doesn't know yet...

[1987rebecca]

When I met Dp he had recently broke up with his long term partner with two children. His youngest was only a year old and this was hard for me understand however dp and mutual friends assured me the relationship was over a long time ago. His ex found out we had been out a few times and publicly posted on Facebook that we had been having a long term affair I was mortified! I contacted her to assure her we had only just met she knows this is true but she has continued to tell friends this lie. We stuck it out and have now been together for two and a half years. Since then she has only referred to me as whore or skank and made It very hard for dp to have contact with his children he is allowed limited supervised access. she is punishing him for moving on and is still very bitter. I am not allowed to meet them and she often refuses access unless money is sent. She sends long abusive messages and I feel terrible that she is so angry and sad but am not allowed to help with his children neither is dp.

Problem is I'm pregnant and terrified of her reaction I'm Already four months and she doesn't know. Dp is scared she'll stop access altogether... how to tackle?

Sorry for tardy reply.
Yes sorry OP. £215 is the cost.
We have been through the whole thing for a decade (although the courts proceedings finally ended 3 yrs ago when the Judge changed residency at the eldest children's request. So we had the 12 & 15 yr old come to us and the 8&10 stayed with DH ex wife but the final hearing ended with the Judge telling her that 'you reap what you sow'... and that if she were to appear in court again having breached the order he would not hesitate to change residency.
We had several costs over the period but the initial cost was £215 for the CAO.
Applications to enforce the order when she buggered around were also £215 but those costs were awarded to us. (Three times).

The only additional cost was an application she made to 'remove from the jurisdiction' when she thought she could take 4 children to live with her new husband who had moved overseas. (A man the children had never lived with and had so little interest in children- that he moved a 7 hr flight away)

That was quite tough to defend but really it's just about common sense. She got a barrister to write a statement as to why this would be a fantastic idea and why her new husband would create a new shiny better family unit and why their father wouldn't need to be in their lives except for two visits a year. We simply had to write a statement explaining why each point was bollocks.
No cost. Very time consuming.

Don't be scared of it OP. It's mostly just common sense and judges EXPECT AND WANT fathers to have good and reasonable contact as long as they do not pose a threat to their children. (We had that too. Accused DH of being a Cocaine addict .. and an alcoholic- all of which are very simple for a Judge to test for and be proved wrong)

Thanks @font. Could honestly cry knowing we have an option next time that won't put us in a financial black hole for years just to get the access he is legally entitled to. He is a great dad, neither he nor the DD deserves this. Fingers Crosse there isn't a 'next time' but at least we know what to do now

Yep..... my other half has had threats. She said my OH attacked her elderly father. And went to the police trying to get a molestarion order. My OH was outside the house again waiting for the kids. She cancelled 4 times.

Unfortunately for her it’s a private gated development with cameras. The police investigated and saw her father run out, kick my OH’s car (denting it) and her father threatening my OH (who was locked in the car)! Lies never pay!

Honestly..... the sooner you realise you are dealing with bat shit crazy the easier it is to deal with them. Remember you are not dealing with a normal person.

Get her told as you’ll need to introduce this news to your OH kids so they come round to it. If she kicks off ignore it or politely ask her to stop with the abusive behaviour, seek legal advice about contact and make sure you keep all those nasty messages you get sent - it’s hard but stick together and work through it

If anyone wants help filling the application in please PM me.

There are also some amazing lawyers over on 'Legal' who will also hear with questions.

Despite its being difficult I'd still suggest to go to the courts and have a legal access to the kids/settle financials.
This might be very messy at the beginning as his ex sounds like bitter person and selfish mother (blocking kids from seeing their father, because she's upset with him or he didn't pay).
I completely understand why he's scared of starting the court process. If she won't be able to screen and shout at him, who she would shout at? kids perhaps..
Despite that, for your familys future, he needs to sort out the access and money. He can't forever be afraid of his ex!
When your little one is born he will have to carry for you & the baby too. Worth thinking about all the financials, life insurance, will, if you're not legally married.

Hold on and enjoy the pregnancy!