Will they ever accept me?

[niteandfog]

My boyfriend and I got together via an affair (were not proud of it) but well what's done is done. His children know how we got together and the DS absolutely hates me his DD seems ok/ambivalent about the whole thing. I've told him at last his DS will never ever accept me and that we can kiss the "blended family" dream good bye... I just would to here any stories where the kids actually ended up accepting the ex AP as an actual step parent.

swing I think if both hadn't met the timings would have been different. I don't think that's even remotely in question. And although yes, married men do end up having in affairs even when in happy marriages, the likelihood of them leaving their wives is close to zero... He left her so I'm pretty sure he was in an unhappy marriage regardless of.my existence

Yay. You're back! This is better than Jeremy Kyle

He told you he left her. What if she actually kicked him out?
My ex wanted to stay. With me. Obviously he doesn’t tell OW that.

As it was done in stages he actually left her... she begged him to come back (saw the texts) . Heard the phone calls... She kept telling him to accept everything was a mistake (leaving her) and she would act like nothing had happened.

He's lying, you're lying, still got pants on fire then.

So you 'never got too involved in his break up (as in knowing all the details)'. But also you saw her texts and heard her phone calls and know for sure what went on between them. Those two statements don't match.

No I didn't know much til he actually moved out and I had moved out. That's when I read all the messages an heard all the phone calls

That's pretty disgusting that you read her private texts to her husband that she sent in distress at her marriage breakdown. But then I guess you had no issue with sleeping with her husband so why expect you to have any boundaries?

So now your kids are actually fiends, even though his daughter is significantly younger, play together, and your kid never noticed you’re shagging this other kids dad? Feck. I love the dramatics. Keep it coming.

Ooh- and good plot twist that the W is an ex OW. Nice touch. Also- don’t divorces take tine- are you somehow in the process having been separated for less than a year? Did your husband do it on the basis of you are a liar?

THIS IS THE ELEVENTY MILLIONTH THREAD YOU HAVE STARTED ABOUT THIS and there will be no point in anyone offering suggestions or investing time in it as you don't think you have done anything wrong and are unwilling to have any consideration for others.

You need to get professional help.

They're friendly not friends per second but they do say hello if they bump into each other (my DD didn't recognize him although we thought she would). The while thing about his ex being an OW is true just like everything else. And I filed for divorce six months ago.

'Filed for divorce'. How very LA Law.

I'm American..
So I use American terminology. And I clarified that it wasn't my justification from me but maybe for him

there is no way you can 'undo the damage' No way at all. Its done, you have destroyed his children's family because of your own selfishness. That's it. If you cant see that, it doesn't matter what anyone says. One day he will do the same to you as he did to his wife. Then you will understand. Until then ...

and to those who cant believe such a selfish, immature cruel person could exist; sadly I know that they can both men and women can be this way (and worse)

my first ever

Just waiting to hear from my lawyer about the decree absolute. And for those who say he's gonna cheat on me I could do the same but I don't plan to so...

A bit of a different perspective but my close friends Mum had an affair when he was 13 and his sister 11. For a while he despised the new boyfriend. Now he is a mature man and adult, he actually gets along better with his mums new husband than his own father. He ‘understands’ (although of course doesn’t agree) with why the affair happened.

Similarly my mother left my father when I was 8 and moved straight in with another man. I also hated him. As an adult I wonder how on earth my mum put up with my father for so long and don’t at all blame her. She never flagged him
Off to me but as I got older I realise he’s abusive. (I don’t agree with affairs but an adult is sensible enough to know there’s a big difference between a bad person doing a bad thing and a good person doing a bad thing).

You need to be patient and kind. Your partners priority should be, to be a good father. You come second to that. He needs to work on repairing and rebuilding the relationship with his children.

You’ve done a very wrong thing but I would imagine if it wasn’t you, it would have been another woman

Thanks lozz. I agree I think we're good people that made terrible choices. He's still a good father and that's the main thing. If there would have been someone else if I hadn't come around, I actually agree on this. He's told me he was developing feelings for someone else at work some years ago, just like I was some time ago. I think both situations just speak volumes of how much we didn't like being in our marriages but were too coward to walk away

*He’s still a good father and that’s the main thing
*
Let me remind you of this comment:

“I offered him to focus on his relationship with his kids but he refused. He said they'll be his children and for the same reason, they'll always be there. But I could easily go away and he doesn't want to miss the chance of trying things out with someone who can genuinely make him happy.”

He refused to focus on his relationship with his kids.

And you don’t get to decide if he’s a good father. Ultimately, his kids are the ones qualified to decide on that.

Anyone who chooses their relationship over their children is not a good parent. Why are you blind to that?

His son wants to leave me permanently not just a break but for good. He's not willing to (I unde that bit) and he's of the idea that breaking up for a few months won't change anything which I do tend to agree with.

Perhaps it would give his son an opportunity to come to terms with his parents split without your involvement.
But why would 2 selfish cretins like you even consider that.