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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Nrp claim to ctc and cb when having 3rd child

32 replies

ElChan03 · 18/02/2018 10:34

Hi all.... complicated life just got a bit more complicated.

My dp ew who is Nrp, dp has full residency and ew still has parental responsibility as court ordered.
I have another thread with full story of our situation.

She has just announced she is pregnant, so her 3rd child. She currently does not work and claims benefits, she does not pay csa and there are some definite issues with her commitment to contact with her existing children, dp two dc.

I was wondering whether her having this child would affect our circumstances as dp claims cb and tax credits, he works 10hpw and I work full time. I worry that she may affect our claim as they are her children and whether the new law about 3rd child not being included would fit into this circumstance?

I'm already so mad about this announcement considering all the past and how it's going to affect dsd... She already thinks mum doesn't care about her; let alone the financial pressures this may cause us if her having this child affects us.

I'm just venting as Mumsnet is only please I talk about this stuff. Am I just being stupid? I do not have any dc of my own btw.

OP posts:
happymumof4crazykids · 18/02/2018 10:36

The only difference to you would be if the child was with you in your claim for tax credits. Her claim for new child would be a new and completely separate claim.

Snowydaysarehere · 18/02/2018 10:38

I dont see how her having another dc would affect your household?

Original poster
ElChan03 · 18/02/2018 10:40

Feels insane she can do this when she hardly sees her existing children and has paid hardly anything towards them in the last 2 years.
Thanks for that though, was mega panicking about how in earth I could scrape money by in case it did.

OP posts:
Original poster
ElChan03 · 18/02/2018 10:42

It only because she has 2 existing children under a claim with us. I wondered whether her having an additional child would impact us as I've heard only one family can claim ctc and cb not both.

OP posts:
CurlyRover · 18/02/2018 11:25

Wouldn't her claim be a totally separate claim?

I thought it was the case that she could have DC and claim but because you already claim for two you wouldn't be able to claim if you had a third?

Someone feel free to correct me if I'm wrong though

Original poster
ElChan03 · 18/02/2018 11:33

That definitely puts my mind at ease but the double standards are insane if that's the case.

OP posts:
ohreallyohreallyoh · 18/02/2018 11:45

What double standards? Children are counted once only by the system. If they live with you, they are counted as a memeber of your household. The new child will be a member of a different household.

Original poster
ElChan03 · 18/02/2018 11:54

I was referring to the fact that she pays nothing towards her existing children but it's ok to claim for and have another child? But if I chose to have child I would be entitled to nothing as I am paying towards a household which consists of her children? Sorry that feels like a double standard to me. Not to mention the emotional fallout of this announcement where she's only seen her children 4 times in the last 12 months???? The last two times I facilitated.

OP posts:
Thatsnotmybody · 18/02/2018 12:14

It's rare it's this way round, usually it's the dad who is nrp... It would make no sense if the mothers caring for the children couldn't claim because a non resident dad had more than two children, it's the same this way round. Yes it must be frustrating but obviously this new baby growing up in poverty wouldn't help anyone.

dementedpixie · 18/02/2018 12:17

You cam claim child benefit for more than 2 children. Tax credit claims are limited to 2

dementedpixie · 18/02/2018 12:19

How would it affect you? You claim for the children living with you and she claims for the child living with her

Original poster
ElChan03 · 18/02/2018 12:39

I'm sorry I was just panicking because it wasn't very clear online when I looked it up. I see now it's two different claims. I'm also pretty frustrated about everything because it feels like I'm raising her children and she's just off having another with no concern to the two she already has. Sorry for venting.

OP posts:
ohreallyohreallyoh · 18/02/2018 14:39

Thousands of men have new families and no one bats an eyelid. That we are so hard on women who do the same thing seems the double standard to me!

Original poster
ElChan03 · 18/02/2018 15:02

So just leave her to it then and raise her children for her?

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 18/02/2018 15:14

What else can you do?

CurlyRover · 19/02/2018 09:49

El I can understand how frustrating this must be for you. I don't think the system is particularly fair in that DP and I could have 2 more DC and claim for tax credits but DSD's Mum could only have one but I don't know how else they could do it.

As pixie says, what else can you do?

mrssapphirebright · 19/02/2018 11:53

Op, this may sound blunt, but you have chosen to be with a man who has residency of his dc. You have chosen to take this on. As pp have said, this happens in reverse (man the nrp) all the time. People do go on and have more kids / second families.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 19/02/2018 11:58

Op, this may sound blunt, but you have chosen to be with a man who has residency of his dc. You have chosen to take this on.

Some never seem to miss the opportunity to have a pop at SM do they. Hmm

As pp have said, this happens in reverse (man the nrp) all the time. People do go on and have more kids / second families.

Yes and they usually get told how unfair it is and how dare they not support their existing DC but go on and have others.

Reverse the roles and it's all 'well what can you do'

phoenixtherabbit · 19/02/2018 12:01

it wont affect you at all.

why doesn't she pay maintenance? I thought you still paid a minimal amount of not working and on benefits?

lunar1 · 19/02/2018 12:07

You leave her to it, not because it's right that she can have another child when not supporting or parenting the others, but because what else can you do?

If you needed the benefit to have what would be your partners third, then you can't have that child with him in this household.

It's crappy, but what can you do? You can't change the rules. Personally I think if she is named as the mother and benefits are paid for her first then the cap should apply to her two not just your partner.

Other than leaving your situation (which I'm guessing you don't want to) you can't do anything about it. Let the things that you can fix be where you concentrate your efforts, you will drive yourself mad otherwise.

ohreallyohreallyoh · 19/02/2018 12:12

Yes and they usually get told how unfair it is and how dare they not support their existing DC but go on and have others

Really? If men were told that, it would be socially unacceptable to do. Sadly for thousands of children, it is perfectly acceptable and there seems no end to the number of women who are happy to be with men who don’t support their children, and an even greater number of family members, friends and colleagues who are happy to brush the lack of support the carpet.

mrssapphirebright · 19/02/2018 12:19

PigletWasPoohsFriend - I am not bashing SM's, I am merely stating a fact - there is sod all the OP can do. I can totally see why she is annoyed, I would be.

And my advice would be no different reversing the gender. The system is wrong. All OP can do is try and claim CM from the exw -as a pp has said, even if she is on benefits she should be paying the minimum amount.

Original poster
ElChan03 · 19/02/2018 14:19

I'm not really annoyed about money... I just wasn't sure as it wasn't clear online. I can see it's two different claims now.
If anyone wanted more information regarding my frustration please read my previous thread if you can be bothered lol I know it's long www.mumsnet.com/Talk/stepparenting/3141845-any-more-ideas-on-what-to-do

As for being told I chose to live with someone who has residency of his children. I am fully aware of that, however I am increasingly filling a biological mother role (I don't mean that offensively but I meant in terms of blood relative compassion and care) for these two children so I'm sorry i am frustrated she is having another when she has no role in her existing children.
I also work full time and along earnings go to this family and I fill the gap where dp cannot afford extras e.g. Christmas and birthday presents, trips out and clothes etc. I also pay most of the household bills. We have extra costs for water and electric where dss has sen and due to incontinence we shower him a lot.
I don't resent doing these things but I am aware that this may mean I can never have my own child due to the cost and impact on existing children. Dp says one day we will but I remain skepticial and I have been secretly saving up money as I know if I want a child I will have to pay everything. Those are the breaks I guess.

I'm sorry for moaning. It was really upset and frustrated and I'm really worried about the psychological impact this will have on dsd who is already going to counselling. She said to me that she feels like her mum doesn't want to see her or love her anymore. If you read my previous post it may explain that in more detail.

I know I can't do anything. But I never expected any of this to happen... It's just got to be more and more responsibility as time goes by. I'm not moaning just stating a fact.

OP posts:
NerdyBird · 19/02/2018 16:33

My DH is RP for his elder two, ex pays no maintenance. The amount we'd get is derisory because she isn't working and we figure it'd cost more for the state to administer it!
Anyway, she claims various tax credits and cb as she has two further children. Her claim makes no difference to ours. We don't get very much for tax credits but that's due to income rather than the existence of another claim. Dh recieves cb at the higher and lower rate and I get it at the lower rate for our dd.
So the amount of money you get via tax credits will only alter with a change in your own circumstances or if they change the eligibility criteria.

Bananasinpyjamas11 · 19/02/2018 22:59

It’s terrible that she doesn’t pay maintenance. She’s totally neglecting her child. I feel sorry for the unborn child tbh if this is how she operates. She sounds utterly selfish.

Although it’s like my DPs Ex, we had one of the children full time yet DP still paid her maintenance for her, and she still complained!

Her benefit claims would have nothing to do with the child that you resident. The psychological effects I’m sure you are already dealing with.

I’d consider formally adopting the child you have, if she was at all open to it.